“If we do not know how to take care of ourselves and to love ourselves, we cannot take care of the people we love.
Loving oneself is the foundation for loving another person.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
I adore this wise quote from Thich Nhat Hanh as it highlights how essential it is for us to love and nurture ourselves. When we are overwhelmed with responsibilities and feel we can’t take on one more thing, we often neglect caring for ourselves which keeps us caught in a cycle of self-neglect. It is hard to find solutions when we are stuck in this cycle and end up feeling more exhausted, anxious, and/or depressed. Over time we may become sick and our relationships may become challenging if we feel resentful and unappreciated when giving more than we have to give.
If you can relate in any way to living in a cycle of self-neglect you are not alone. So many of us are professional nurturers, caring for everyone else in our lives but ourselves. We take on so many responsibilities in our family, home, job, and community that there is little time left over to care for ourselves. But as Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, we can’t really take care of others until we learn how to take care of and love ourselves.
What if instead of placing ourselves at the bottom of our “To Do” lists, we prioritized time each day to nurture and care for ourselves? This does not have to be a huge undertaking as we are usually more successful making changes when we start small and build on our progress. Even spending 10 minutes doing something kind and loving for ourselves can create ripples of hope and possibility that our lives can be different.
When we begin to understand that nurturing ourselves is the key to doing all the other amazing things in our lives, it is easier to commit to the practice.
Here are seven ways to embrace self-nurturing in your life that will empower you to love and care for yourself and live with more peace, joy, and gratitude. Remember you do not need to do all seven at one time, just begin with one and add the other practices in over time.
1. Be Kinder and More Compassionate to Yourself
This is an essential first step when we are making any change. Recognizing that we are stuck and feeling overwhelmed is critical to deciding to do something different. When we start with self-compassion, we create space around us to breathe, feel our feelings, acknowledge how challenging things have become, and then with kindness explore our new options. We cannot make any meaningful change from a place of shame and judgment. Treating ourselves the way we would treat a dear friend is one way to begin nurturing ourselves.
Next time you make a mistake, remind yourself that you are not a mistake. Release yourself from the standard of perfection and instead of beating yourself up or berating yourself, reflect on what you have learned from the experience. Then, choose to respond to yourself with kindness and compassion.
2. Recognize When you have Given More than You have to Give
This is an important skill to cultivate for your own benefit and the benefit of all of your relationships. Start by tuning into your body and listening to the wisdom and insight it has to share. Bring a spirit of curiosity and nonjudgment to your experience and reflect on any areas of your body that you are holding tension and tightness. Notice if you have pain or discomfort anywhere. Begin to identify when you feel stress and overwhelm where you feel it in your body. When we listen to our bodies, we can notice sooner and sooner when we have given more than we have to give and make a self-nurturing choice.
Our emotions can also give us important information about whether we have given too much. With self-compassion, notice if you have become frustrated, impatient, anxious, resentful, depressed, or shutdown when you are overwhelmed and stressed out. These emotions can be seen as red flags and an indication that you need to nurture yourself or set more boundaries about how you spend your time. Today, pause and check in with yourself and listen to the signs and symptoms that you are giving more than you have to give. Remember you can’t give from an empty cup!
3. Give yourself Permission to Nurture Yourself Without the Guilt
Permission giving is so powerful! Remember as a kid receiving a permission slip to go to the bathroom or leave school early? You may have felt a sense of freedom with that permission slip in your hand. Well give yourself the gift of freedom to nurture yourself without the guilt.
Once we realize that it is an act of love for the world to nurture ourselves it is easier to give ourselves permission. We cannot wait for others to give us permission, we must empower ourselves to take inspired action to nurture and care for ourselves. So today, write yourself a permission slip to take 10 minutes to do something that brings you joy!
4. Try Different Ways of Nurturing Yourself that Take 10 Minutes or Less
There are so many different ways to nurture yourself in a short period of time. Start by taking a moment to breathe and tune into your body. What would feel good for you to do right now? Then take inspired action! Maybe you choose to go outside and connect with nature for 5-10 minutes or go for a walk. Perhaps you choose to journal, read something inspiring, or call a friend. If you enjoy yoga, practice a few poses. If you enjoy meditation, listen to a guided meditation or put a timer on for 10 minutes and meditate. If gratitude practice brings you joy, then take 5 minutes and write down all the things you are grateful for in this moment. If you love to learn, watch a Ted Talk.
Remember you can nurture yourself alone or with others so invite a friend to join you! Bring a spirit of fun and inspiration to the process, and try out different activities. If it brings you joy, you are on the right track so allow it to restore and rejuvenate you! Choose one self-nurturing practice today and notice the difference it makes.
5. Reflect on the Benefits You Experience After Nurturing Yourself
The most powerful way to stay motivated to change, is to notice the benefits you experience each time you nurture yourself. To start, reflect on how you feel after caring for yourself and how your body feels. Notice if you find yourself less anxious, impatient or resentful. Do you feel any less exhausted and overwhelmed? Reflect on any of the benefits you notice in your relationships. Are you better able to set boundaries as a result of being more connected with yourself?
When we recognize the positive results that self-nurturing has in our lives, we are much more likely to prioritize time for it. My experience is that the more we nurture ourselves, the more we value ourselves and the more we value ourselves, the easier it is to prioritize nurturing ourselves. This beautiful self-fulfilling cycle helps us transform our habit of self-neglect!
6. Acknowledge Your Growth
Recognizing and celebrating our growth can be deeply self-nurturing and is critical for sustainable change. When we acknowledge each step of progress, we can cheer ourselves on and enjoy the positive change happening in our lives. To incorporate this practice in your life, reflect on what you feel good about from your day each evening. Then each month, reflect on the growth that you have seen and ask trusted people in your life what they have noticed. Over time, you will focus more and more on what is going well in your life, recognize your growth, and reinforce your value and worth!
7. Cultivate a Gratitude Practice
One of the easiest ways to transform a challenging experience is with gratitude. Infusing gratitude into your life can buoy you in difficult times and deepen your appreciation of the good in your life. I often say that gratitude has been my lifeboat and has become my “go-to” stress management tool and empowering self-nurturing practice.
We can find creative and interesting ways to express our gratitude including creating a gratitude list, writing a thank you note, sharing the ABC’s of gratitude with family or friends, or starting and ending our day with three things we are grateful for. We can write in a gratitude journal or have a dry erase board in our house where family members can share what they are grateful for. We can begin a family meal with gratitude or ask people in our lives what they are grateful for today.
Focusing on gratitude redirects our minds to what is going well in our lives and brings a sense of hope and possibility. Whatever gratitude practice you choose, begin to infuse your life with gratitude and you will feel deeply loved and nurtured.
I invite you to try the seven ways to embrace self-nurturing over the next few weeks. Imagine how each act of love and self-nurturing will ripple healing out into your life. We have the power to transform our cycle of self-neglect into a beautiful practice of self-nurturing. We can become beacons of love and hope in the world, modeling for our daughters, sisters, friends and colleagues what it looks like to love and care for ourselves.
As Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, “If we take good care of ourselves, we help everyone. We stop being a source of suffering to the world, and we become a reservoir of joy and freshness. Here and there are people who know how to take good care of themselves, who live joyfully and happily. They are our strongest support. Whatever they do, they do for everyone.”
May you embrace self-nurturing today and nurture peace in the world from the inside out!
Peace, love and gratitude, Kelley
