“Mindful parenting is the hardest job on the planet, but it’s also one that has the potential for the deepest kinds of satisfactions over the life span, and the greatest feelings of interconnectedness and community and belonging.” ~Jon Kabat Zinn
Being a mindful parent has been one of the best and hardest jobs of my life. My daughters have been my best teachers, and I am so grateful for everything I have learned about self-nurturing as a result of parenting them through challenging times. It has been a journey of progress not perfection in parenting and self-nurturing and I continue to learn what supports me and how to nurture myself through each age and stage of my life. Looking back, I am profoundly grateful that I recognized that giving from an empty cup was unsustainable and that I was inspired to cultivate a self-nurturing practice that has supported me in growing and thriving ever since.
My daughters are young adults now giving me more opportunities to engage in mindful parenting and prioritize my self-nurturing. Just when our nest became empty, the pandemic hit, and our kids moved back home. I live in a multi-generational household with my husband, two daughters, son-in-law, and two granddaughters under the age of two. We have so much fun as a family and there is an abundant flow of love and joy, as well as tears and diapers. We are in the process of building an apartment connected to our house so that my mother-in-law can join us. Then we will have four generations living in our home!
When we live with others, a common challenge we face is balancing caring for ourselves with caring for other people. I have found a beautiful solution! We can cultivate self-nurturing practices for the whole family. Living in community provides a fabulous opportunity to be intentional about engaging in practices that everyone can enjoy. Since self-nurturing does not need to be a solo act, you can adapt many of your self-nurturing practices to incorporate your family. I love music and dancing so our family has dance parties every morning to start off the day listening to the song “Better” by Michael Franti. I also find gratitude deeply nurturing so we weave gratitude practice into family gatherings at meals, walks, celebrations, and bedtime. Being creative about cultivating family self-nurturing practices is fun and joyful and allows us to expand and evolve our own practice.
Practicing together can strengthen a family and model these essential skills for children of any age. When children learn the importance of nurturing themselves by engaging in self-nurturing activities together as a family, they know their value and worth and grow their confidence and belief in themselves. When we prioritize self-nurturing as a family, we teach our children how critical it is for our health and well-being. Practicing as a family also decreases the possibility that we will put off nurturing ourselves to take care of our family. Finding ways to do both changes the paradigm completely. Cultivating self-nurturing practices for the whole family builds in accountability and encourages everyone to take loving care of themselves.
And the gift of this commitment is that the more we nurture ourselves, the healthier we are, our relationships are, and our communities are. Prioritizing nurturing activities as a family creates ripples of positivity throughout our lives and empowers us to make positive changes in the world. Remember when we are overwhelmed, exhausted and close to burnout, we do not feel hopeful or empowered to be our best selves. Recognizing that self-nurturing can be engaged in alone, with friends, or with your family expands your choices and amplifies the positive impact to your health and well-being. And cultivating self-nurturing practices for the whole family will increase feelings of interconnectedness, community, and belonging, which improves everyone’s physical and mental health.
As you begin to reflect on ways you can cultivate more self-nurturing practices for the whole family ask yourself the following questions:
- What activities does my family enjoy doing together?
- What nurturing practice do we already engage in as a family?
- What is one of my favorite self-nurturing practices that I can adapt to include my family?
Now that your creativity is flowing, you may want to try these three self-nurturing practices as a family:
- Play Games Together – Playing games is a wonderful way to learn, connect, and have fun together as a family. There is so much research about how games support our growth, mood, and sense of belonging. Play helps reduce stress, improve brain function, stimulates creativity, teaches cooperation, and improves relationships and connection to others. Diane Ackerman wrote, “Play is our brain’s favorite way of learning.” It is amazing how integrating even a few minutes of play can infuse joy into our days.
- Take Walks Together – Going outside and taking a walk together can be so fun and rejuvenating! Walking offers many benefits to our physical and mental health and is more than just exercise. Research shows how walking with others lowers stress, changes our perspective, and deepens our gratitude. Even a 10-minute walk with your family can improve your mood, health, and overall well-being and anyone at any age can participate whether they are in a stroller or a wheelchair. Go out and notice the beauty of nature all around and nurture yourself with a walk together.
- Share Gratitude and Love – There are so many ways to share your gratitude and love with your family that are deeply self-nurturing. You can begin by sharing what you are grateful for at meals, on walks, in notes left for family members, and any time you feel inspired. You can create a gratitude wall or jar in your home so that your family can share what they are grateful for with each other. You can plan time to write letters and stay connected to family members who are far away and find creative ways to include them by phone or computer. Gratitude fuels more gratitude and can become one of your family’s most nurturing practices!
Once you have identified a few self-nurturing practices that the whole family can enjoy, create a family self-nurturing list that you hang some place everyone will see. You can continue to add to the list. Meet as a family weekly and schedule nurturing activities together. Celebrate self-nurturing in your family. Remember to give each person in the family permission and the time and space to nurture themselves individually and with the family. Be a model of self-nurturing in your community and share with others what you are doing as a family.
May you have fun cultivating self-nurturing practices for the whole family as you nurture peace in the world from the inside out!
Sending you peace, love and gratitude, Kelley
