“May your walls know joy, may every room hold laughter, and every window open to great possibility.” Mary Anne Radmacher
In my counseling practice, I regularly spend time talking to people about how to settle their nervous systems. My clients often feel overwhelmed by high levels of stress, too much responsibility in their lives, unrealistic expectations of themselves, and trying to balance nurturing themselves and caring for everyone in their lives. Living in overwhelm leaves their nervous systems constantly activated. They report feeling anxious, depressed, resentful, frustrated, reactive when challenges arise, and operating out of crisis management mode.
In addition, navigating difficult life transitions, ongoing changes, and things outside their control also dysregulates their nervous systems. When I teach women about how stress impacts their bodies and brains, they feel much more empowered and compassionate toward themselves. Understanding how stress activates their amygdala or fight/flight reaction due to the flow of cortisol, adrenaline, and glucagon helps my clients better understand the impacts of stress on their bodies, thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
These stress hormones are helpful if you need to fight off danger or quickly run away from it, but not when you freeze. When that happens those once helpful chemicals become toxic and negatively impact your health and wellbeing. If you are unable to regulate your nervous system due to chronic stress, an overscheduled calendar, unending to do lists, and being tethered to your phone alerting you to dangers across the world, learning to nourish your nervous system will feel liberating and transformative.
One empowering strategy I teach my clients to begin settling and nourishing their nervous systems is to tend and befriend. This theory was coined by psychology professor, Shelly Taylor, and focuses on the healing power of making connections and asking for help to overcome challenges. What is remarkable is that when you experience stress, you can use empathy, compassion, and connection to move out of your amygdala into your prefrontal cortex to settle your nervous system and regain your ability to respond instead of reacting to challenges.
The added gift of engaging in this strategy is the release of the hormone, oxytocin, which provides the feeling of oneness you experience when you feel loved and trusting. It is also called the hug or love hormone since it is released when you hug or tend to someone you love. This amazing hormone is healing, supports feeling connected, and repairs the damaging impacts of adrenaline and cortisol on the body.
I am sure you have already experienced the positive feelings of an oxytocin release. What is beautiful is that by choosing to befriend yourself by responding with self-compassion, you can experience an oxytocin release. When you ask for help and cultivate supportive connections to overcome challenges, you can release oxytocin. When you place your hand on your heart and feel love for yourself, you can experience an oxytocin release. Choosing to intentionally tend and befriend yourself and others is an empowering way to cultivate the healing power of connection, lovingly nurture yourself, and in turn nourish your nervous system.
Connection is the key to tending and befriending. Here are six ways to connect, settle, and nourish your nervous system:
- Connect to your breath. Your breath is always accessible to you and is a simple and powerful way to nourish your nervous system. Create a practice of intentionally breathing for ten cycles of breath to ground and center yourself. If you feel anxious, breathe in for a count of four through your nose and out for a count of six through your mouth. When you exhale for longer than you inhale it will invite in the parasympathetic nervous system also known as rest and digest. You can also use box breathing to relax and ground. Begin breathing in a count of 4, hold a count of 4, breathing out a count of 4, and hold a count of 4 before breathing in again with the pattern. I invite you to take a moment now and connect to your breath and commit to connecting to your breath throughout the day.
- Connect to your body. Your body holds so much information about how stress is currently impacting you. Tuning into your body, listening to its wisdom, and then making a choice to move your body can transform stress hormones into relaxation and joy. You can choose to take a walk, turn on music and dance, stretch, practice yoga, or simply shake your body to release stress hormones and regulate your nervous system. Commit to connecting to your body and moving it regularly to shift your mood and nourish your nervous system.
- Connect to the present moment through a mindful pause. Begin a practice of pausing throughout the day to check in with yourself to nourish your nervous system. The scary thing about chronic stress is how easily it can creep up on you and become normal. Over time you no longer notice how impactful stress has become. When you cultivate mindful pauses in your day like with the STOP practice: Stop, Take a breath, Observe and Proceed, you will develop more self-awareness. Over time this practice will empower you to notice when your nervous system is dysregulated and encourage you to make intentional choices to settle it. Taking mindful pauses will nourish your nervous system and support you in bringing your loving attention to yourself.
- Connect to nature. Most people find being in nature grounding, nurturing, and soothing to the nervous system. There are so many ways to connect to nature like forest bathing, going for a walk, gardening, sitting in the sun, watching the clouds, listening to birds, witnessing the magic of a sunset or sunrise, putting your bare feet on the earth, or hugging a tree. Connecting to nature allows you to embrace the deep connection, grounding, and support of the Earth to calm and nourish your nervous system.
- Connect to joy. Joy is a powerful way to nourish your nervous system and is an antidote to overwhelm and exhaustion. Begin by creating a joy list and posting it somewhere you will see it throughout the day. Then make a commitment to include these uplifting activities in your day and in your schedule. The more joy you experience in your day, the less stress will impact your nervous system. Choose to start a joy practice today!
- Connect to gratitude. Gratitude is a transformative practice that focuses your attention on what is going well in your life, naturally settling your nervous system and nourishing it. Create a practice of acknowledging what you are grateful for about yourself, your support system, and your life. You can practice gratitude when you wake up, at meals, while you are waiting in line, and before you go to sleep. Choose to connect to what you are grateful for in challenging times and when life is flowing smoothly. Remind yourself that all is well and celebrate the many blessings in your life to connect to gratitude and nourish your nervous system.
Deepening your connection through these self-nurturing practices will nourish your nervous system and transform your life. When you relate to the world from a grounded, loving, and calm place within you, your walls will know joy, your rooms will hold laughter, and your windows will be open to the infinite possibilities in your life. You will know all is well.
May you be inspired to nourish your nervous system as you nurture peace in the world from the inside out.
Sending you peace, love and gratitude, Kelley
