I rail against people who measure success and life fulfillment by the number of life’s boxes they can check off. I did this, this, and this. Look, see, I’m successful! So there. Meanwhile they haven’t grown and haven’t contributed much and are the same person they were 10 years ago.
On the other hand, serious pursuit of what starts as just a box to check off can mean growth and development in ways we weren’t expecting. Our goal may have originally been to look good to the people around us or to make ourselves feel whole but along the way we found something within us and became better people.
Which is the right way to go?
Feet First
Recognizing what you want to do instead of what you have is a good way to start. This way you never make the mistake of putting the cart before the horse and finding yourself with a goal which you have no idea how to get there. The engine that will power your dreams is just as important as the dreams themselves. This will temper your goals because if you know what you’re good at (your currency!) you can maximize ways to do as much of it as possible, even as a source of income. This approach is safe and secure because you know what you’re capable of and won’t fall into the trap of making promises to yourself and others that you can’t keep.
I knew of a hair stylist who saw an opportunity in the wig-making business. He saw how much high-end, hand-tied wigs could earn but producing them meant up to 3 days of painstaking, tedious work. Those wigs cost several hundred dollars and are even priced as high as $800 if human hair is used. A solid, few days a week of this work could mean bringing home some serious cash. I’m sure you realize where this is going and you’re right. Turns out he didn’t have the patience for this type of work and those plans fell by the wayside pretty quickly. He’s a hair stylist because he likes playing in people’s hair making them look beautiful all the while being chatty. Making wigs for days at a time is better suited to an introvert who likes to sew. He needed to better understand himself and what he wanted to do, which is connect with people while making them glamorous, not want he wanted to have which was lots of money.
Head First
Deciding what you want and then mapping a path to get there is also a great way to start. This way you don’t put artificial limits on what you could achieve. Sure, you might have to pay your dues for a while or learn new material that you weren’t expecting to have to learn, but you’ll be better off for it. This way even if your goals don’t’ turn out exactly like you planned you’ve still grown and developed. You’ve stretched yourself and gotten wiser and more self-confident and you can use that and your experience in another venture. Quite probably, the world benefits from your efforts too.
For example, Steve Jobs relentlessly pursued creating an all-black, cubed computer. As the story goes, he was obsessed with its dimensions forming a perfect cube. While that seems ridiculous now, and it did ultimately fail, the software it used was groundbreaking and led to the iOS software that now runs every Apple computer and every iPhone. He started with a pretty showy goal, which didn’t succeed, but along the way we all got something better.
I’m here to tell you that both ways can work. Forgive yourself if you started with the wrong intent as long as you found something valuable (like yourself!) along the way. Feet first is usually the right way to start. However, chasing your own ideas of perfection can sometimes work as well.
