When I was a kid, I learned very quickly there were two ways to clean out a wound. The first was to bite down on something hard and dump peroxide all over the wound and suffer the short-term pain for long-term relief.
The second was to rinse it out with some creek water, slap on a band-aid, and hope for the best. (Admittedly, my most chosen option).
The problem with the latter method, however, was always this ugly thing called infection. It never failed. The reddened, angry wound inevitably delayed healing and awakened pain I thought I had been done with.
And that, my loves, will leave a scar.
But the real problem is that the wound will feel new every time the scar tissue gets irritated. Old wounds resurface like bad-hair photos from high school. Emotional wounds are the same.
We compare ourselves to others because someone in our past made us feel unworthy. We fear love because someone in our past abused it. We doubt our attractiveness/success/life path because someone once made us feel disposable.
But here’s the thing. Those people we compare ourselves to? They compare themselves to other people, too.
The people who abused our love? They were in pain and operating out of their own emotional limitations.
The ones who made us feel disposable? They live their lives in a place of powerlessness.
Imagine what it must be like to be someone who goes to sleep every night facing such dark nights of the soul. These people have never cleaned their wounds.
The ones who said hurtful things and cut you open are not happier than you, I promise. And since that’s the real endgame, you win.
When you’ve outgrown the role people were comfortable placing you in, you can expect that this brings them discomfort. And you can expect that they will point the finger at you for leaving that role, instead of diving deep within themselves to discover why this is threatening to them. And here’s the really scary part: just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are good for you.
Therefore, it’s vital that you recognize that those who judge you do not define you. They define themselves as people who judge. Almost always, what they say is wrong with you is actually what’s right with you. And hey, no worries. You can still love them ————> from over there.
What I’d like to offer you is permission to sit in your truth. To be uncomfortable. To feel sadness and anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. To betray the idea that this somehow makes you less than who you are supposed to be. Because, my dear, feelings are information. And being in integrity with your feelings is your first line of defense against superficiality. It is your springboard to discovering who you really are and what you really need in your life to be happy (and what you need to cut out of your life to be happy).
Someone once said the greater your struggles, the greater your purpose. And the truth is, we aren’t always prepared for that. Any of it. But we can practice. We can learn to understand where the journey of emotion ends and the journey of action begins. We can accept (not resist) the difficult threads in the pattern of life. We can avoid falling into the trap of thinking our daily tasks and chores and obligations are our purpose. (Reminder: they aren’t). So it is our responsibility to watch ourselves with honest eyes and decide for ourselves what Truth is.
And yes, Truth can be a fearsome thing to behold, but its gift is hope, the quiet cousin of courage.
Everything you have to offer is exactly what the world needs right now. Don’t lose sight of that. Once and for all, bite down and let the wound bleed. Clean it out with the good stuff, and maybe cry a little. Then let it heal.
Because reminder: you are radiant and beautiful and you carry your own compass. Have courage and trust it.
