Three Mistakes People Make When Trying to Heal Anxiety

A new online poll from the American Psychiatric Association indicates that thirty-nine percent of adults in the US are more anxious than they were a year ago. The poll focuses on what is making people feel more anxious — things such as finances, health, relationships, etc. While uncovering the cause may seem like a reasonable direction to go, my work with anxious clients has led me to look less into the cause and more into how people may be interrupting their own healing process. 

You see what I have found is by over–focusing on the causes of anxiety, this can obscure the healing that is actually taking place. While you may be conditioned to believe because you feel worried, anxious or overwhelmed that zero healing is happening, I say think again.  

Anxiety is your body attempting to move into a state of healing. It is an indication that it no longer wants to remain stagnant. It is as if your body intuitively knows if it doesn’t get more inside movement (sensation, breath) the lack of energy it is experiencing could do more harm than good. While you may believe your body is attempting to hold you back, I say, it wants you to move forward. It is almost as if it intuitively knows if it doesn’t stir things up a bit (evidenced through symptoms of increased heart rate and tension) the onset of depression might begin to seep in.  

The challenge is most people have learned otherwise. They see symptoms as problems, indications of what is wrong, signs of an uncertain future. While talking about your feelings can provide some comfort, my clients tell me this can be a temporary fix. While talking to others can help shed some light on the situation and build up your self-awareness, without the added step of processing your emotion these strategies may fall short. One reason is that talking can often end up being a way of revisiting rather than healing old hardships, wounds, and traumas.  

Then there are those who won’t speak at all. They interrupt their healing by withdrawing, turning to unhealthy escape routes such as eating, drugs, or alcohol. While you may be tempted to compare (or judge) one choice over another, at the root of it all they are likely all threaded by the same intention — to avoid feeling at all cost.  

The big red flag is when the conversation never seems to change. If you are still talking about the same thing, people, situations, past experienced or fears about the future, this too is a sign that you have gotten pretty darn good at interrupting your healing process. Kind of like eating the same three meals for months on end eventually your body is going to lose its flavor for life. This is because healing is invigorating, it gives you the chance to begin and feel again.  

Here are three additional ways people interrupt healing anxiety: 

1. Focus on Others. People with anxiety tend to over focus on others. While they know they could benefit from a bit more self-care somehow they have gotten themselves into the lousy habit of wanting to heal, help and in some cases prevent other people from feeling pain. If this is you, I suggest you start small. It can be as simple as getting yourself a glass of water before you offer to get one for someone else. While you might view these types of acts as selfless, I find they can be an easy out. In other words, a friendly way of avoiding your emotions.  
2. Try Too Hard. Listen, anxiety can be really tricky and when it is misunderstood, debilitating. It makes perfect sense that you might put a lot of effort into figuring out how to make it go away. While some people with anxiety might look like they do very little at all, I assure you their brains are working very hard. The challenge is all that thinking is interrupting the natural healing process. I encourage you to ease up on yourself, adopt the motto less is more. Give your body some credit after all look what it does for you on a daily basis.  
3. Label. The moment you put a label on something you constrict its movement. When you label your symptoms (e.g. anxious) or attach words to your feelings (I can’t do that) you minimize your potential. While having a label may at first give you some sense of control over the situation, over time you will want to loosen your grip on it. Otherwise, you run the risk of identifying with anxiety rather than having it be a moment of experience. Here is the thing, when you label you become anxiety rather than a person. When you identify with anxiety you become consumed with ways to get away from yourself. Your body and certainly your spirit never wanted that, if anything it is attempting to draw you back to your emotions, the very same place where you can connect to your soul.  

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