“The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!” ~ Anne Frank
Fall is my favorite season of the year with the leaves changing, cooler breezes, the start of a new school year, a feeling of fresh possibilities, and having two new Master of Social Work interns to mentor for the academic year! I love mentoring and feel blessed to be a field instructor for San Diego State University School of Social Work. Having the opportunity to mentor new social work students each year consistently reminds me of the importance of cultivating our inner mentor to support us on our lifelong journey of learning and growing.
When we begin a new venture of any kind, it is normal for our confidence and belief in ourselves to wane. We may wonder if we are good enough or if we have what it takes to learn all that is required to be successful. We may question whether we should have even started this new experience and as the learning curve gets steeper more doubt may creep in and the volume of our inner critic’s voice may become deafening. I watch this pattern in my interns every year and see how undermining it is for their confidence and belief in their abilities. So, at the start of their internship I share my nurturing mantra “progress not perfection.”
Repeating this mantra is one of my most nurturing practices and reminds me to focus on my growth rather than the need to be perfect at something I am just learning. This mantra short circuits the process of judging ourselves when we make mistakes as we are learning, and encourages self-compassion, kindness, and resilience. Grounding ourselves in compassion and kindness is how we cultivate our own inner mentor and transform our inner critic at the same time.
Anne Frank’s quote above embodies the encouraging message of a person who reminds us of what is possible when we are unable to see it within ourselves. Mentoring is a balance of encouragement and accountability and is a powerful combination that supports sustainable growth as we see what is possible when we keep stretching. As we cultivate our own inner mentor we learn to encourage ourselves to stretch outside our comfort zone and grow into the person we want to become.
Since the art of self-nurturing is about nurturing the most important relationship you will ever have—the relationship with yourself—cultivating your inner mentor is essential to creating a life filled with self-compassion and self-love. Knowing that you have the power to build yourself up, acknowledge your strengths, celebrate your progress and growth, and become your own biggest cheerleader is healing and transformative. As you strengthen your positive relationship with you, your trust in yourself will grow along with your confidence and belief in yourself. Over time your inner mentor will challenge the disempowering messages of your inner critic and will inspire you to stretch and grow from a place of self-love and self-nurturing.
To start cultivating your inner mentor engage in these steps:
1. Nurture your self-compassion:
It is essential to affirm and acknowledge yourself as you cultivate your inner mentor. So much of the time we ignore how we feel as we focus on everyone else’s needs. It is critical to honor ourselves by acknowledging the variety of feelings we are having. Developing the capacity to hold the complexity of what you are feeling will support you in processing your feelings and encouraging yourself to grow.
Self-compassion will also inspire you to give yourself grace in the process rather than judging yourself and expecting yourself to be perfect. Self-compassion will allow you to acknowledge what you have done well rather than looking for evidence that you are not good enough. Self-compassion acts like a healing salve for our broken hearts that come from all the pain and suffering that results from being human on this planet.
Some self-nurturing practices to support you in nurturing your self-compassion are journaling, talking to a trusted friend, pausing to check in with how you are feeling, treating yourself with kindness, writing yourself a permission slip to treat yourself with compassion, and intentionally using affirming and encouraging words with yourself.
2. Give yourself affirming messages:
Using affirmations can be incredibly supportive and with practice can transform your inner critic and neural pathways. We know from brain research that negativity is like Velcro® on the brain while positivity is like Teflon® and needs to be reinforced. Therefore, we need to give ourselves many encouraging messages throughout the day to counter all the negative limiting thoughts we have. Some examples are: “I love and accept myself. You can do this. You are making great progress. I believe in you. You’ve got this!”
To transform your limiting beliefs about yourself that are reinforced by your inner critic, identify the words your inner critic uses most often and replace them with a positive affirmation. Embody your inner mentor and have a dialog with your inner critic, challenging the self-doubting thoughts that keep you stuck. Then take the encouraging words your inner mentor used and create an inspiring affirmation.
You have the power to transform your inner critic by developing an inner mentor that is kind, compassionate, and encouraging. You can choose what messages you listen to so create a practice of giving yourself affirming messages and make that your self-nurturing habit. Write out your affirmations on index cards and place them on your mirror, on your desk, in your car, or anywhere you will see and read them often. Try using your name with these affirming messages and see how that feels. To amplify the positive impact read your affirmations out loud in front of a mirror on a regular basis.
3. Acknowledge your growth and accomplishments:
Mentors highlight your strengths. They focus on your progress and growth. They encourage you to identify your accomplishments and celebrate them. When you fail they help you learn from your mistakes and try again focusing on your potential. Developing a practice of acknowledging your growth and accomplishments each day is a powerful self-nurturing practice that will support you in nurturing your inner mentor. This practice will reinforce the mantra progress not perfection and will focus your attention on what you are doing well. Any acknowledgement is empowering and will lead to more appreciation of yourself and gratitude in your life.
Journaling is a wonderful way to acknowledge your growth and accomplishments. Reflecting on the following questions can be a good place to begin:
- What did you do well today?
- How did you feel in the process?
- Where do you want to grow?
- What inspired you in the process?
- Reflecting on the day or experience what are you most proud of?
- What are you grateful for about yourself?
Developing your inner mentor is an inspiring act of self-nurturing that will empower you on your journey of becoming the artist of your own life. Cultivating your inner mentor will reinforce your value and worth every day and encourage you to express yourself and your potential in infinite ways. Choosing to listen to your inner mentor will liberate you and support you in creating positive, nurturing ripple effects in the world.
May you be inspired to cultivate your inner mentor as you nurture peace in the world from the inside out!
Sending you peace, love and gratitude, Kelley
