A few years ago, when I was a partner in a research firm, I had no idea what it meant to set boundaries.Of course that’s because I basically didn’t have any – especially in the context of my work. I’d be available pretty much all the time for my clients and colleagues, returning emails at ridiculous times of the day and night, as well as on vacation. In fact, taking vacation became a joke in our household because all it meant was that I was working from a different location.
Not surprisingly, this way of operating became overwhelming. It wasn’t until I realized I had created it all that I was able to change it. You see, since I was constantly at the end of a phone line or email, I trained people to think it was normal that I’d be on conference calls at 4am to fit with their time zone or that I’d pull all-nighters so reports could be available within hours of a project finishing. The more I did it, the more I was expected to do it.
If any of this sounds like you, then it may be time to create some boundaries. This means looking at your schedule and creating an oasis of freedom for yourself. This is time where you’re not going to be picking up your phone, on email, or working. It’s time for you to rest and recharge.
Here are three steps to help you create some boundaries so you don’t get lost in the shuffle of life.
1. Determine when you will and won’t be available. Even though we’re living and working in global times, it really doesn’t mean you have to work 24 hours a day. You do get to switch off. Instead of checking your device constantly throughout the evening, make a commitment to shut it off for a while. When I first started setting boundaries I stopped work emails and calls at 7pm and didn’t start again until 7am. That was a huge change for me and it took a while to adjust. But once I did, guess what? Others got used to it, too and everything still got done – imagine that!
Think about what makes sense for you – how can you give yourself that down time with no work? If the thought of being incommunicado for several hours makes you panic, simply set up a system for how you can be contacted during that time, but make it clear that it’s only to be used in a real emergency. Oh, and limit how many people have this contact info.
2. Stick to it! This is probably the most challenging part of setting boundaries. You have to stick to them. How can anyone else get used to and respect your new boundaries, if you don’t do it yourself? One way to achieve this is to have an accountability partner. Find someone you feel comfortable sharing your new boundaries with – maybe it’s your spouse, a friend, or a work colleague. Set up a system where you’re checking in regularly to report on how well you’ve been sticking to the boundaries you’ve created.
3. Celebrate success. Think of something you love to do, like going to the movies or indulging in that delicious gelato you crave. Use it as a reward for sticking to your boundaries for a full week. If you don’t stick to your new boundaries, you don’t get the reward – it’s that simple. Make sure your accountability partner is in on this as well, because they’ll keep you honest when the end of each week rolls around.
How are your boundaries? Are they in great shape and you’re able to get the down time you need? Or do you need to start creating some today?
