There’s a big myth that some people seem to believe…when we say it only takes YOU to change your relationship. Here’s what some people hear:
I just have to learn how to settle.
I just have to put up with my partner the way they are.
I’m the only one who will change, and my partner will never be any different.
But that’s not what anyone at Relationship Development® is saying.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—when you implement the Relationship Development tools and strategies, your partner will change in response to how you’re showing up differently.
Think of it THIS way in math terms….if you change just one variable, the ENTIRE equation changes.
Make sense?
THAT is how it works. That is how ONE person can change and strengthen their relationship, even if their partner is not on board!
You Can Have Everything You Want
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You can have everything you want in your relationship. You just can’t DEMAND it.
Demand Relationship tells us that there’s “my way” and “their way.” When you’re deeply rooted in that, you start to think that if you change, you just have to put up with your partner’s behavior, let it go, or just not respond.
That’s NOT how Relationship Development® works!
When you use the Relationship Development® tools and strategies, you ELEVATE your relationship. You build rapport, repair trust, and bring unconditional love for your partner. In turn, your PARTNER changes.
They don’t change because you demanded it. They change in response to you! Just like that math equation I mentioned earlier. You showed up as a new, elevated, Relationship Development Variable!!!
You’re Creating the Outcome
Raise your hand if you love being told what to do… Nobody? When you demand change, you’re pretty much ensuring that you’re going to get something you don’t want. You’re creating the negative outcome.
The problem is not your partner. It’s that you don’t understand them. When you don’t understand them, you end up triggering negative responses—those things your partner does that you absolutely hate!
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you. I’m not saying you’re a bad partner. This is a skillset that we were never taught!
But if you can change the way you trigger your partner, then your partner will change—not because you DEMANDED it, but because you aren’t creating that trigger anymore.
Nurturing Your Relationship
Think of your relationship like a plant. If the plant is dead, no matter how creatively you try to get it to give you fruit, it will not give you fruit. If you want fruit from the plant, you need to care for it, revive it, feed it, water it, give it sunlight, and grow it.
When it starts to give you fruit, do you just go and pluck the fruit right away? No. You keep nurturing it. You keep caring for it.
When the plant is strong, growing, and abundant, then it grows plenty of fruit. Then, two things will happen. The first is that you can go ask for fruit and it will happily provide it for you. The second is that it will actually start dropping fruit on you, even when you don’t ask.
Your marriage is like thate plant. You keep struggling with it, asking when you are going to be able to get fruit.
We’re not saying you never get the fruit. We’re not saying you have to settle. We’re saying that you can’t demand fruit while your plant is dead. You need to do the work to nurture it.
If you haven’t cared for it, there’s no magic pill you can use to get the fruit you want. If your plant is dead, you aren’t getting fruit. But if you have done the work to create the relationship that is ready to give it to you, if you have the skills to ask in the right way that actually inspires someone to want to say yes to you, then you can ask for what you want.
Is My Plant (Relationship) Dying?
So how do you know if your plant is dying or dead? There are several signs:
- Your partner doesn’t support you fully when something matters to you
- There’s a win/lose dynamic that goes on when one of you is trying to get their way
- Your partner doesn’t feel like a close friend
- You or your partner feel judged by each other
- You and your partner don’t trust each other
- They challenge you when you’re trying to do something
- One of you treats the other like they are one of the kids
- You don’t regularly demonstrate your love and appreciation for each other
- If you had an hour to yourself, you wouldn’t think about spending it with your partner first (and vice versa)
- You’ve lost rapport
If any of these things are resonating with you, your plant might be dying! These are the warning signs!
How Do I Save My Plant?
You can save your plant! But it won’t happen if you BLAME your partner. You can’t read that list and say, “Yeah, my partner doesn’t do any of those things.”
Nope! Relationship Transformers….ELEVATE.
If you want to get the fruit, you’re the one who has to nurture the plant. Yes, YOU! You’re the one who can show up to make these differences. You’re the one here reading this. You’re the one ready to make the change. That’s why it has to be you.
And if you do, your relationship will grow. Your plant will thrive. How you show up will affect how they show up and how they perceive you.
It’s not that your partner is never going to change. Either of you can do this. But you’re the one that’s here, ready to learn. You’re the one that can nurture the plant.
Be the One that Nurtures and Changes
So, now you’re on board. But here’s what you can’t do. You can’t just say, “Ok! I’m going to nurture the plant. I’m going to go do what I think I need to do for my partner.” The harsh truth is that’s how the plant got the way it is. You didn’t nurture it the right way because you didn’t know HOW.
You’re using your OWN blueprint and your OWN lenses and you’re showing up without understanding that your PARTNER is a totally different species than you and they operate completely differently.
The good news is that you can learn. You can get a real relationship education and understand what really works to nurture your relationship. You can understand exactly how to interact with your partner so that you can get the results you want. You can have all of it and more.
That’s where we come in. We can show you the tools you’ve never been shown. We can teach you the strategies you’ve never learned. We can help you elevate your relationship.
In our 14-Day Boost, we’ll show you how you can transform your relationship in just two weeks, without demanding that your partner change and without just throwing in the towel and settling. You can be a Relationship Transformer and bring your plant back to life!
