My Goddess Awakening Story

I love my life!  I have a great relationship,
work I love and I am living my soul’s purpose.

But It wasn’t always this way… believe me.

Just a few years ago, I was exhausted, sick and so deeply lonely it was hard to function. My masculine self was go-go-go, while my feminine was no-no-no. A long-forgotten memory.

I wouldn’t know a goddess if I met one on the street… and I certainly didn’t feel like one myself.

But you know—a long time ago—I kind of did.

As a kid I would so much rather be outside under a tree on a Sunday morning than sit in the pew at St. Ann’s Catholic church with my mom and my sister. I felt like myself when I was outside—my world was in order. I soaked up the beauty of all the New England seasons.

Being a good Catholic girl, I attended CCD each week, well, because that’s what we did.

Of course, things always did feel a little off for me and I probably frustrated a couple of my CCD teachers.  I think I might have stressed them out with my constant questions about why women couldn’t become priests, why priest couldn’t get married and why there were only boys and men on the altar during mass each week.  Of course, they never really had a good answer for me, they always just said, “because that’s the way it is.”  Well my inquisitive mind didn’t like that answer very much!

As I grew up, the questions remained and no one could ever really answer them.

Then came confirmation time, age 17, my time to make an adult choice to be part of the church or not. In my gut, I knew I didn’t want to commit my whole adult life to the belief system my my parents chose for me at birth. I didn’t have another practice or religion in mind, but felt the conflict in my body: The church said one thing (accept and love one another) while it did another (not recognizing women or letting priests marry or punishing people for getting divorced or being gay) it just didn’t sit right with me.

Most friends didn’t even question what they were doing, it was just part of growing up in a Catholic family.

But not me, I dreaded my confirmation day. I told my mom my feelings and asked her if I could make the choice not to make my confirmation.  Let’s just say that idea didn’t go over very well.  She basically told me that I needed to do it, because after all, “What if you want to get married in the church? What then?”.

I gave in. And in that moment of saying, “OK, Whatever,” and walking through my confirmation like a robot, I turned off my spirituality.

And off it stayed.

Through my engagement at 18 and wedding at 20.

Through the next nine years of marriage.

Through each day of my job at Amtrak, where my cousins, aunt, parents, sister, husband and friends also worked – hey, we were a railroad family.

And there I stayed, until one day when I was 27, and a good friend from high school died in a car crash. He had been a happy kid with a happy life.

As I sat at his wake, one thought obsessed me: If that was me in that casket, could I say I had a happy life?

No… Nothing in my life was what I wanted.

Not that I knew what I wanted, but I knew I needed something more!

That day, I set my intention to find out. To remember that long-forgotten memory of who I really was and what I really wanted.

I took classes and workshops and eventually stumbled on a book about the ancient Celtic goddesses and the wheel of the year. I devoured everything I could find on the subject.

It was if I was remembering something I had once known. Finally, here was a spirituality and a way of living that made sense. I was home.

But being home didn’t mean things were easy.

I quit my good job, started waitressing and spending hours walking on the beach. I filed for divorce, lost a lot of friends and upset my family.

They couldn’t believe I would leave the security and safety of my job and my marriage. After all, they said, “He’s a good man. He provides for you. He doesn’t hit you.”

All of this was true. He was a good man, just not the right man for me.

“But I’m not happy,” I tried to tell them.

I moved to a small apartment, set up an altar and started investigating who I was and what I wanted. I filled 20 journals with my dreams. My life became mine. I called this my Awakening and loved every single moment of this period.

A year later, I was leading women’s gatherings, feeling great and I decided it was time to try the relationship thing again.

This time I was deliberate about choosing a relationship that was perfect for me.  So I sat down, made a list of all the qualities I wanted in the perfect partner and put the list on my altar, reading it daily until the most amazing thing happened.

My dream mate appeared in my life.  Now, he wasn’t in the package I expected (he was seven years younger than me and extremely shy).  But we really clicked, of course we both held back in the beginning, but then one day, it just got to be too much and I confessed how I felt to him.  We kissed and decided that even though we were both scared, we needed to take a chance on us.

Thank Goddess we took that chance!  He was (and still is) my soul mate.

But once again, “the world” got in the way.  We had so many dreams of creating a perfect life and family.  And that’s when I made the decision to go back to corporate so that we could buy a house…Just for a little bit, I thought. Just until I open my own business.

I stayed at that job 8 years. 8 years!

I was so burnt out I knew I would die if I stayed another day. I gave notice. (Can you see why I’m destined to teach this?) 

My Awakening, Phase 2.

After I left my corporate job, I found a good coach and a wonderful doctor. I got healthy, became a life coach, and discovered that people wanted business coaching. I taught myself how to design websites and eventually found my way to the conscious business world. I loved it. I never advertised. I got tons of referrals. Business boomed.

And once again (because I guess I really had to learn this cycle) I lost track of the spiritual part of me. I was either working or spending time with my husband. There was no time for the goddess at all.

Sure, I loved owning my own business and wouldn’t change it for the world, but my constant ‘do, do, do’ way of doing business had to change or I was going to end up burnt out and in the hospital.  I had abandoned my alignment with the natural cycles of the earth and my relationship with the Goddess was almost non-existent.

I knew I needed to do a better job leveraging my business and taking care of my physical and spiritual needs, but wasn’t really sure how to get out of the cycle I was in.

And then the Goddess sent me a gift…

One of my dear friends and business colleagues asked me to attend an event with her that she was sponsoring as her assistant.  I had the opportunity to go to an event with THE expert on mindset and creating wealth in your business.

Little did I know that this trip was going to have such a profound impact on my life and my business.

So off to Vegas we flew.  I don’t know what I was expecting, but I know I wasn’t expecting the amazing, life changing experience I had.

My Awakening,  Phase 3.

We settled in for the first day of the event and that’s when it happened!

We were given a list of questions to reflect on to start the event.  And when I got to question 6, I felt my whole world come crashing down.  At first I was devastated, but then I recognized it was the kick in the pants I needed.  The Goddess had arranged this whole event to help me get back on track with my life AND by business.

What was this life-changing question, you ask?

It was so simple, I am still amazed by the impact it has had in my life. Ready for it?

What do you want to be known for 25 years from now?

When I read it, I started to cry.

I didn’t want to be known as a great website builder. I wanted to be known as someone who changed the lives of women by helping them to remember the powerful goddess inside them. I felt it in my core, I was born to teach them how to tap into the amazing cycle of nature and live in that perfectly designed rhythm of creation, prosperity and flow. I wanted to help exhausted women transform into healthy, wealthy, joyful goddesses, who know when to rest and dream and when to create and produce.

Of course, no awakening or transition is easy. As my wise mentor says, “If you want to change your life, you need to change your life.”  Sounds ironic I know, but it is true.  And changing your life isn’t always easy, even when you know it’s exactly what you have to do in order to experience more joy, passion and abundance.

Change is uncomfortable and hard, but with the right guidance and the strength and support of your Inner Goddess, anything is possible.

I needed a different way to be in my business and what I realized after attending this event and answering this question is that meant I needed to be stepping away from the work I had been doing and stepping fully into my life purpose.

Has there been fear around that?  Sure there has, but each step I take down that path, I realize that there is no other way of being for me.  I’ve had to learn to move past my fears of ‘being seen’, I had to quiet the voices in my head that screamed, “Who are you do be teaching this stuff?”.  I needed to be willing to trust the Divine and move forward even when it felt scary.

And today that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Listen, I know confusion and overwhelm, and I know the path out. I know that so many of you reading this have forgotten the beautiful power you harness when you follow the rhythms of nature. It’s my life work to help you remember. For me, there is no other way to live.

I am here, on this Earth, right now, to share with you the tools that will help you create and thrive in the prosperous life of your dreams.

Are you ready for an Awakening in your life?