“When we entwine the decision with fear and insecurity, it not only clouds the decision that needs to be made, but it actually morphs the issue at hand into something that it really is not.” – Alka Dhillon
Women are champion second-guessers. For example, we decide to hire someone and then question whether we made the right choice. Was the other candidate stronger, would the other candidate be a better fit, did I interview enough people? It does not take a rocket scientist to know that none of those questions are productive, yet we constantly ask them in our thought clouds, and they circle around like a tornado in our minds.
Many women lack the inner confidence necessary to make decisions that stick. Like a reed blowing in the wind, we bend this way and that when we are indecisive, which inevitably will break us.
Confidence is the root that anchors us into the soil of self-awareness, making us steadfast and strong. When we are not confident with our decisions, the people around us sense that. We don’t feel that we are worthy enough to make a decision to stand behind and that weakens our ability to lead effectively.
You rarely see men hemming and hawing over a decision in the workplace, or in life, for that matter. They generally think about it for a few minutes and then act. They make a decision and inform everyone that they have done so and what that decision entails. Even the manner in which they inform their employees is done with such conviction and steadfastness. There is no back and forth with men.
Furthermore, very few men even have doubts about what they have decided when making a decision. They have such a strong sense of confidence when it comes to this, and it is innate. Young boys, with few exceptions, are not taught or even subconsciously made to feel that they would not be able to achieve something or that they would have any limitations to the heights they wanted to soar. This confidence is so empowering, and to have it for the majority of your life engrains it in your DNA and it becomes a way of life for you.
We have all seen what confidence looks like in people—both men and women. It is so engaging and mesmerizing to watch them in action, isn’t it? They almost saunter into a room, and they seem to have everything together and just go through the day making life-altering and financially staggering decisions in the blink of an eye. They clearly have the OM Factor. They truly flow and nothing gets in their way. That paralysis sometimes experienced by people who lack confidence never exists for them. They seem almost mythical.
The magnitude of the decision does not really come into play with them. This is key to their success. They take each decision and apply the same thought process to it without lacing it with fear and insecurity. When we entwine the decision with fear and insecurity, it not only clouds the decision that needs to be made, but it actually morphs the issue at hand into something that it really is not. It becomes this seemingly insurmountable mountain that in reality is a small hill. Certain decisions do require more time than others, but when you have inner confidence you are able to focus on the key factors and move forward.
This is very similar to the word problems that we had in school. Some people are completely thrown off when they see a word problem. There is something daunting about its appearance to some. If, when you look at a word problem and only see a bunch of words and feel intimidated by it, a relatively easy problem becomes much more challenging. However, when you look at the problem, cross out the parts that are superfluous and highlight the facts that are pertinent, you are only left with the meat on the bones and all the fat goes to the wayside. You can then tackle the problem and come up with a viable solution.
One reason that feeling a sense of confidence is challenging for some women is that we feel we will be completely defined by the choices we make. Some feel that advancing in the workplace is challenging enough and the margin for error for women is perceived to be significantly less. The inner terror that goes on inside leads us to lack confidence in our decisions as we feel that they may be the proverbial last words on our tombstones.
This lack of confidence leads to indecisiveness. We feel that if we just took another few minutes or days or weeks to “think it through” we would have more security and perhaps make a better decision. Indecisiveness breeds chaos within the mind, thereby bringing out a tumultuous reality. When we are confident in our decisions we progress and create a reality that is evolutionary.
Do you think a caterpillar “thinks through” each of the steps it takes through its process of metamorphosis turning him into a beautiful butterfly? This amazing, life-altering process just happens.
It happens because the caterpillar lets go. We need to let go. Let go of all the fear and insecurity and just take a decision with confidence and believe enough in ourselves that we too, will emerge into the beautiful butterfly.
©2015. Excerpt from The OM Factor: A Woman’s Spiritual Guide to Leadership by Alka Dhillon. Reprinted with permission.
