Have you ever wondered where that tinge of dread you feel at times may come from? Sometimes it shows up as shame, unworthiness, anger, unacceptable reactions or taboo.
Oh My, the list could go on.
The good news is we all have this darkness within. You are not alone.
I call this Your Shadow Side and it’s vital to being the woman you are meant to be. As spiritual beings having a human experience we have developed two faces. The first face we show to the world. It’s the face of showing our best most of the time. The second face we keep to ourselves. It is the shadow. At times our shadow selves are so private that we are not even aware of their existence. In living out our daily lives we only see glimpses. Often, we ignore or stuff deep within, so we don’t have to face our shadow.
Bringing Your Shadow Side into the Light
In order to be loved and accepted, we learned as children to hide away those parts of ourselves that were not met with praise and approval and adopt only those traits and behaviors that were met with open arms. Cutting off and burying certain parts of ourselves was a necessary part of our survival and it continues through all our adult life. The truth is when we start facing our shadows within we transform our life in so many ways.
As I look back on my life from my early years, I didn’t stand a chance. My shadow was in overdrive. I started out of my Mama’s womb being mischievous, hyperactive, not listening, into everything and running on my tip-toes. I recently had a loving conversation with my Mom and she still doesn’t hesitate to tell me that everything that happened I was usually blamed for because I was involved. We are born with innocence with our traits to quickly follow. Part of our shadow nature is already wired within at birth and the other part through our experiences.
When I started college and into my adult life I remember the overwhelming stress of not making better grades, disappointing my parents, not meeting up with societies rules and feeling like everything in my life that went wrong was my fault. In my late 30’s I started overcompensating by putting more pressure on myself to achieve beyond expectations in my career, to hold it all together with my family and friends, trying to be the best mom, wife and daughter and to be perfection for everyone.
I had lived over forty years repressing parts of myself, so no one could see the parts of me I didn’t like. I was in deep trouble, in denial, and living with a lot of anxiety and then my body crashed under the darkness I held deep within. A year later I stumbled upon Shadow Work and it was instrumental in changing my life.
The Downside of Repressing Your Shadow Side
There is a very significant downside to repressing parts of ourselves. These parts begin to become internal wounds that fester, sabotaging our lives. Our shadows want to be brought into the light, so we can face and embrace them. The longer we put off facing our shadows, the more control they have over us. Instead of learning to meet, acknowledge, and befriend our shadows, they become our mortal enemies.
If you have ever felt that overwhelming sense of not being in control and wanting to hide under the blankets, it is because your shadows are controlling you, not the other way around. Doing shadow work is a form of self-discovery and acceptance. When you learn to accept all parts of yourself, you are dedicating time to loving who you are and all your beautiful messes. When you learn to accept all parts of you, you are sending out love into the world.
Finding the Gifts in Your Shadow
Our shadows are so much more than darkness. We often feel the wildness and primal raw edge that take us into our hidden beauty deep beneath the hard surface. Underneath it all we illuminate brightly with hidden jewels of rubies, emeralds, diamonds, sapphires, and pearls. During our shadow process we find a goldmine full of hidden gifts we can use to illuminate the shine behind the darkness.
We often loose our luster from childhood as we become adults. We forget about our passion for life and the discovery and creativeness we had as children. I can remember searching for Fools Gold as a child and upon finding pieces I felt as though I had found the greatest gift in the world.
Working with our shadow is like finding our Spiritual gifts. I know this was true for me. For example, I discovered true Goddess given talents, dormant passions, my creative genius and spiritual gifts, such as self-love, self-compassion, forgiveness and open-mindedness within my shadows.
The essence of shadow work is to get in touch with all that we are, embrace our wildness, embody our deep knowing, and reconnect with our Divine Sacredness.
By keeping a shadow journal monthly, you are saying yes to stepping towards a more completely integrated and accessible acceptance of the whole-ly and holy of who you are.
Practicing the Ritual of Shadow Work
Practicing the ritual of shadow work takes commitment and courage. It’s a process to be cultivated and embraced. Setting aside a time each month to conquer those pesky shadows is how you start. I set aside time 2 or 3 days away from the new moon lunar phase to dive deep into the darkness of my shadows.
During this time the energy is ripe to face the darkness. I sit down with my journal, pen and a candle and I start my ritual. Before beginning to write I get comfortable, sit a few minutes in silence and set an intention. The process then begins by asking yourself questions to journal upon.
As you start this ritual for yourself a few things to remember are be gentle with yourself, its not always easy to face the monsters that lurk within. Remember your shadow is an important part of you, each shadow is a message to work with and befriend. Lastly, this is a way to understand more deeply about yourself and work on releasing wounds and beliefs systems that are not yours.
Journal Prompts for Shadow work:
- In what ways do you feel judge yourself? Explore how many of these judgments might originate from someone else. Who was this person, when do you remember it beginning, what was the circumstance?
- What are your fears? How do these fears influence your relationships, everyday decisions, your desires, needs and wants? Our fears 90% never happen. Fears keep us stuck and unable to move forward.
- What are your inner wounds that won’t heal? Allow yourself to acknowledge your wounds. Some of our wounds are self-inflicted. When we don’t take responsibility, we disempower our self and wounds don’t heal.
- Where are you lacking self-bliss? Self-love and self-compassion in your life? What is holding you back from living a life you love. When you don’t make yourself a priority, you quickly loose your sparkle and ability to shine.
- What emotions do you keep hidden from others? When we hide our emotions, it leads to feeling alone and isolated. When we isolate we don’t have a support system we can count on. Life is not meant to do alone.
- Where would you like to push the edge but you feel it is taboo? Ask yourself who does this belief system belong too and where did you remember learning it was taboo? So many of our beliefs systems belong to our parents, religious beliefs and society.
- What are the areas in your life you would like to work on? Perhaps you feel like you give your power away, you may need to set boundaries, you may need to change a relationship, you may want to say no more than you say yes.
I leave you with this quote from Romancing the Shadow: A Guide to Soul Work for a Vital, Authentic Life by authors Connie Zweig, Steven Wolf:
“When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. Then, people suffer depression rather than embark on a fruitful descent. When shadow-work is denied, the soul feels banished, exiled from its habitats in the wilds of nature. But when shadow-work is attended to, the soul feels round, full, sated. When shadow-work is invited into a life, the soul feels welcomed, alive in the gardens, aroused in passion, awake in sacred things.”
