How do you cultivate self-discipline? With a lot of Practice.
Most people think of self-discipline or self-control as it relates to diet and exercise. Although these are extremely important areas of your life to have control over, there is a much larger part of your life that requires active self-control that most of us forget about—that is control of your thoughts. If you can control your thoughts, you can control your world, and to be completely honest—this is about the only real aspect of your life that you can control! Behavioral therapy (or reframing your thoughts) works just as good if not better than drugs for the treatment of depression and anxiety, but it takes a lot of practice.
I still struggle with self-control over my thoughts on a daily basis, and often will find myself questioning my decisions, feeling overwhelmed, nervous or frustrated about the future and just plain sad. In the past, it would be normal for me to feel this way most of the time, complain about these things inside my head and with others and it would take days (sometimes weeks) for me to get over something negative that happened. This is not a fun way to live. Now don’t get me wrong, I was never seen as as negative-nelly, because I was really good at putting on the happy face, but inside I would often feel miserable. I see things very differently now because I have intentionally decided to take control over my thoughts. This doesn’t mean I no longer have these negative thoughts, it just means I react much differently to them. With practice, so can you.
One of the first things I learned in this process was to discover my “gut” or “knee-jerk” negative reactions that I would often feel regardless of the situation. Were I consciously decided to take note of when I was not feeling great, it was primarily for one of two reasons: 1. I was afraid (and it was either realistic or unrealistic) or 2. Felt overwhelmed (like I had too much going on). Once I started noticing when I felt badly, I could take note of any particular patterns that arose over time. I noticed that if I had a lot on my to-do list and tried to manage something big at home I would always feel overwhelmed; or if things were cluttered around me, I would feel overwhelmed. Fear would step in when other people would question my decisions, which would in turn make me question them, then I would worry it was wrong….so on and so on.
Now that I have a handle on most of my knee-jerk negative reactions, I choose to change my reaction to them. I don’t try to push them away; rather I negotiate with them, try to better understand them and make sure something positive always comes out on top. This is an integrative process and I allow myself time to work through it. I’m also learning how to be patient (but just a little!). With practice, and setting an intention, you too can cultivate self-discipline around your thoughts and if you can accomplish that, well then the sky is the limit!
Here are some tips if you are just starting out:
- Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the opportunity to get it wrong. Remember, we learn the most from our failures, not our successes.
- Just keep going, write it down, reflect on the negative thoughts and begin to replace them with positive ones over time. With practice and active intention you can re-train your brain to think positively, even when negative thoughts creep in…which they are bound to do.
- Tell everyone around you that you are doing this. Ever hear the phrase, Misery loves company! Its passed the test of time for a reason.
- Finally, don’t keep score. You will have bad days and good days. That’s all part of being human. If you never had any ups and downs, then you would almost certainly be dead! We sometimes think that we have to be even keel all the time, and this could be farther from the truth. We fluctuate because we are living, breathing beings. Balance is achieved over lengths of time, with ups and downs and everything else in between.
Let today be the day you decide to practice self-control of your mind and be amazed at what it can do for your life.
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