If you’re reading this post, it’s probably a good bet that you have an inner Diva. I’ve got one. My horse has one. My best friend definitely has one. Heck, my cat even has one. In fact, I don’t know too many awesome people (or animals) that don’t have one. But, here’s the thing. Our inner Diva is something that needs to be accepted to be awesome. She needs embracing, loving up and a place to shine. She needs to be cherished.
And here’s the other thing. Most of us really don’t want to deal with this aspect of ourselves. The part of us that speaks up and even, embarrassingly, demands things. The part that knows she’s wickedly awesome and would like to scream it from the rooftops much to our chagrin. The part of us that can be a whole lot moody and can’t seem to be trusted not to throw a tantrum if things don’t go the way we want. The part of us that falls into a pit of despair with dramatic fervour and threatens to never get back out. And if given the choice we would strongly consider putting this over-the-top aspect of our being behind a very large steel door and throwing away the key.
But, guess what? Your inner Diva, no matter where you hide her, no matter how hard you try to tune her out, is not going anywhere. She is the strut in your step and the strength in your spine, the swing of your hips and that little sassy smile. She is the one that chose that gorgeous red dress, those sexy black heels. She is the reason you are shopping when you should be working, dancing when you should be sleeping, writing love notes when you should be writing grocery lists. She is coming out your very pores. She is waiting around the next corner. Whether you’re paying attention to her or not.
I know this for a fact. A little over a decade ago I met her face to face. It wasn’t a typical meeting and I definitely didn’t recognize her. Perhaps that was because she was a horse. A very wet and hairy horse. Introduced to me as Diva. She became my first horse at age 23. Or perhaps I should say that I became her person. It took me years to understand. Years to get why she had come to me and what she was here to teach me. Years to get past the powerful steel doors under lock and key – the prison of my inner Diva. Those years were not particularly pleasant – I was a fighter and I in no way felt inclined to release, much less embrace this horrifying part of myself. I hated this part of me that was moody, demanding, over-the-top, emotional. I blamed this aspect of myself – for not fitting in, not being accepted, not being liked, not being the same as everyone else. And most of all I blamed this part of me for not being perfect. Diva held up a mirror for me as horses so often do. She did so every single day. And when I finally stopped turning away, stopped the cycle of denial and blame, I saw something incredible.
I saw power where I previously only seen weakness. Beauty where I had only seen ugliness. Perfection where I had only seen flaws. My inner Diva, this long-time enemy, was in fact an ally in disguise, my understanding of her deeply skewed by my wounds, my conditioning and my projections, and then powerfully transformed by my new perspective, a paradigm shift made possible by Diva, my mare. And the more that I could accept this ally as exactly that, the more that she was able to transform my experience into the rich and potent landscape that I now have the privilege of experiencing. It was as if the lights came on and everything was technicolour. And what I had was a delicious testing ground for speaking my mind and voicing my deepest desires and needs. For throwing tantrums when necessary. For setting healthy boundaries so I could live my life on my terms and do my deepest, most heartfelt work in the world. A perfectly imperfect world where this fabulous aspect could come out and play with no fear of judgement or ridicule, at least from yours truly. I re-redefined the word Diva in fact, to more accurately represent this powerful inner partner in crime: Divine Inspired Vessel of Awesomeness. Yee haw! This awesome part of me loves bright red dresses and red pants and red cars and red lipstick, salsa dancing, writing about whatever is up for her in the moment, being real, swearing like a sailor, dancing like a wild woman and dress-up boxes. She is unabashed about her love of chocolate and cowboys. And she is most at home on the back of a horse, which is really not that surprising.
As for Diva, the horse that is, she is now happily ensconced in the field directly outside my office window. She continues to hold up a mirror for me daily and most days I peer in, curious and open. In it, is exactly what I need to see and what I need to learn, nothing less, nothing more. It still takes courage to look, to not look away. The acceptance and embracing of me and my many aspects continues, an evolving unfolding of the richness and awesomeness in the moment and to come. My inner Diva happily comes along for the ride, scarf on her head, red lipstick on and fabulous hair blowing in the breeze.
