“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
~Jon Kabat-Zinn
One thing we can count on in life is change. We often experience change as scary and overwhelming even if we choose it. Change comes in many forms: a move, new relationship, disappointment, loss, challenging diagnosis, new school year, cycling of the seasons and the moon, aging, and new opportunities. Change brings with it an abundance of ambivalent feelings as we let go of what was and embrace life anew.
Feeling out of control and fearful makes navigating change with grace difficult, as we cling to what we know creating more suffering with our resistance. There are times in our lives we may experience so much change that we feel unable to catch our breath before the next wave crashes over us.
As we try to make sense of life being different, we often feel unsettled, ungrounded, and deeply uncomfortable. There is a loss of the old way of being that needs to be honored. When we acknowledge the loss that occurs with every significant change in our lives, we can then open to the possibility of something better on the other side. Honoring loss and the emotions that arise are critical for our self-awareness, growth and healing.
Transitions are stressful for many reasons, including that they bring a loss of an old identity and a journey into the unknown. Most of us feel anxious when it comes to the unknown. We can feel overwhelmed by the pressure of all the decisions that need to be made. Since change is a consistent companion on this journey of life, choosing to nurture ourselves through the process empowers us to live with more peace, joy and meaning.
Although change can be deeply unsettling, we can remain grounded by acknowledging the loss, processing our emotions, and then looking to the infinite possibilities in front of us. We can choose not to resist the change but instead turn toward the possibilities that change provides in our lives. We can nurture ourselves through the process and feel empowered to navigate change with grace.
Choosing to focus our attention and intention on what we can control is a wise choice that empowers us to “learn to surf” when we cannot control the waves. Choosing to intentionally nurture ourselves to navigate change with grace will support us in feeling confident, grounded, and hopeful about our future.
Here are seven self-nurturing practices to navigate change with grace:
1. Honor your feelings with self-compassion and loving kindness.
Recognizing that you may experience a variety of feelings about the change, sometimes contradictory, is normal and part of the process. Acknowledge and affirm all your emotions, remind yourself that emotions are heightened during times of change, give yourself grace in this unfolding process, and remember progress not perfection.
2. Place your hand on your heart, breathe, and check in with what you need.
Staying connected to yourself and tuning into what you need during transitions is so very important. Start your day by placing your hand on your heart to show yourself love and compassion and ask yourself what you need in this moment. Then give yourself the gift of offering it to yourself and nurture trust in your ability to honor yourself. You can incorporate this hand-on-heart practice throughout your day, any time you need to nurture yourself.
3. Journal about the change.
Create time in your day to explore your feelings. Ask yourself what conflicting emotions am I holding about this transition? Explore what you may be afraid of and what aspects of the change you are looking forward to. As the process unfolds, explore what you are learning about yourself and how you have grown and evolved through experiencing this change. Your journal can reinforce your resilience and your confidence in your ability to navigate change with grace as you witness your growth when you reread the entries.
4. Prioritize your daily self-nurturing practices that support you in feeling grounded and connected to yourself.
When going through an unsettling transition and feeling the waves crashing over you, it is essential to prioritize the self-nurturing practices that support you in feeling grounded and connected to yourself. Be sure to schedule the practices in your calendar to reinforce their importance for you. Choose the nurturing practices that really support you in feeling grounded like taking a walk, connecting with a loved one, meditating, tapping, repeating your affirmations, praying. Choose to start the day with your most grounding self-nurturing practices and return to them when needed throughout the day.
5. Repeat the affirmation “All is well.”
When you are in the unknown of a transition, feeling unsure and scared, you can comfort yourself by reminding yourself that all is well in this moment. Bringing your attention back to the present moment and focusing on empowering thoughts can support you in feeling centered even in the midst of the storm. Add intentional breathing along with this mantra – when you breathe in say “all” and when you breathe out say “is well” in your head to support your nervous system in settling and allowing yourself to relax.
6. Give yourself permission to relax and notice the miracles around you.
When you give yourself permission to relax during the change process, you send your nervous system the message you are safe. When you feel safe you can notice the miracles unfolding all around you. Even within the storm of change, there are blessings. When you relax and take a big exhale releasing what is not serving you, you will start to notice the ordinary miracles and blessings around you, fueling your trust and hopefulness about the future. You can keep a “blessings” or “gratitude” journal to remind you of your resilience and ability to navigate change with grace.
7. Ask for help and remind yourself you are not alone, and you are loved.
Remembering that you are not alone and that you are loved is so helpful during the uncertainty of change. Reaching out for help is an empowering way to focus on what you have control of and allows others to support you reminding you that you are loved and cared about. Choosing to receive help is a gift you give yourself and the giver.
These self-nurturing practices will support you in cultivating curiosity, trust, and an open heart during the change process. As Rumi wrote, “How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” Prioritizing nurturing yourself will give you the strength and courage to navigate change with grace and will support you in learning to surf the waves you cannot control.
May you feel empowered to navigate change with grace as you nurture peace in the world from the inside out!
Sending you peace, love and gratitude, Kelley
