When blogger Rachel Farnsworth handled a rude comment about her gray hairs on Upworthy with poise, emotion and grace, the video went viral.
Rachel embarks on a litany of her “flaws,” celebrating the very aspects of herself that may not be considered beautiful by conventional, culturally-specific standards – but that hold great meaning for her.
I was touched, and inspired to reply with my own litany.
Because – the thing is – all too often, the rude commentary doesn’t come from outside ourselves, as it did for Rachel, but from our own internal heckler. (I call her the perfect, Photoshopped woman who sits on your shoulder and asks, Are you really planning to go out in that?)
When you pass a mirror, or catch your reflection in a store window, or put on clothes that don’t quite fit the way they used to, what are the words that run through your head? What are the stories you tell yourself about your body?
So, here is my litany… I invite you to share yours!
- I have silver hairs that poke out in jaunty angles at my roots, like picket signs that broadcast, “Attention, attention! She is in between touch-ups, people!”
- The corners of my eyes gather and wink at me when I smile.
- My eyebrow hairs like to migrate and pop up in totally off-site locations, as if prospecting for gold in the middle of my eyelid. (Like, really? Is that necessary?)
- Along one side of my mouth, I have 2 stray hairs that, left unchecked, drift long and wispy like kelp.
- Freckles kiss my cheeks and shoulders, whispering of summers past.
- A deep scar cuts across my abdomen, marking the Cesarean birth of my son.
- My belly is covered with stretch marks.
When my daughter was little, she used to love to run her little fingers over my stretch marks. “Mom,” she’d say in awe. “Your skin is so soft!”
My daughter taught me how to love my body. She didn’t label the way two pregnancies marked my belly as “stretch marks.” She felt them, and how velvety and beautifully textured they were.
Now a young woman, I see my daughter in the torturous crucible of adolescent self-consciousness, hating on her body – even though she’s beautiful, and there’s not a thing wrong with her. (I’m not biased at all, of course).
And: there is not a thing wrong with her. Seriously. Or with me. Or with you. Our bodies are perfect. As-is.
We can begin to turn the inner diatribes around when we claim them out loud, declare our imperfections, and share the marks life has left on us with our sisters. When we witness each other.
Like in the ladies’ shower area at the Korean spa.
Before you can towel off and change into the faded, comfy pink tee-and-shorts uniform you’re assigned at check-in for exploring the rest of the co-ed spa, you’re required to bathe in the female-only all-nude shower area, a large room with – besides showers – tubs kept at different temperatures, including an ice-cold pool, and a section for services like body scrubs and wraps.
Soaking in a tub, gazing around the room at every variation, age and shape of female form, the bodies of real women and girls – one can’t help but notice that not a one of us looks like the impossible, photoshopped, airbrushed images that bombard us… And yet all of us, every single one, shines stunningly beautiful…
The experience is revelatory.
In my experience, we don’t spend nearly enough time around other naked women. In locker rooms and campground showers, we shape-shift and cover, position ourselves just so. We hide.
After all, only “bad girls” wantonly flaunt their beauty.
But imagine if we did… Body shame would be forced to evaporate with the same steamy sigh as cool water poured over hot rocks in the sauna. It is impossible to buy the story of imperfection as true when we see our own “flaws” reflected in the undeniable beauty of another woman’s body.
I would never for a moment trade the experiences that have marked themselves on my body, or the marks that from my birth have differentiated me, identified me, because each is part and parcel of who I am now. I wouldn’t be who I am today without every scar.
What “imperfections” do you celebrate on your body? How has your life left its beautiful marks on you?
