When I first met Angela and told her about my 30 Days to BodyLove program, she was skeptical. She flat out didn’t think it would work for her. I remember our conversation like it was yesterday. “You don’t understand,” she informed me. “There is no single body part that I actually like. I hate everything I see when I look in the mirror.”
As much as that made me want to cry, I could relate. I too once hated the woman in the mirror. But through the process of healing my own body image, I learned something. Two things, actually. First, BodyLove is a skill. You can learn it. You can, like any skill, improve with practice. You only have to open yourself up and allow the transformation to occur. Second, BodyLove is also as an activity, something that involves action that we both consciously and physically take part in creating, and not just feelings or state of mind. Part of the skill of loving your body is that you actually have to mindfully do it.
When I began my healing journey, I ran across this poem by Portia Nelson.
“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.” ― Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery
For years, I kept falling in the hole that is BodyShame, self-loathing, and picking apart at myself. Then it occurred to me, after reading this poem, that not only could I avoid the hole. I could avoid the sidewalk altogether. Fascinating concept, huh?
But where do you start? How do you climb out of the hole, learn to avoid it, and then learn to walk down a different sidewalk? That’s where BodyLove becomes a skill, as well as an activity. You can get yourself out of that hole and choose to walk down a different sidewalk. Today I want you to play a little bit. I want you to spend some time visualizing what that new street might look like. This is a street where you love your body, love yourself, and accept yourself 100% for who you are, how you act, and what you look like. Now I don’t want you to visualize another version of you. So the goal isn’t to see yourself as 30 pounds slimmer or having conquered whatever habit that you’re trying to conquer.
The goal is to really see yourself as you are now in a happy, loving place, where you are showing yourself compassion rather than blaming, shaming and judging yourself for falling down that hole. On your new sidewalk, there is no hole. It’s you in the future – happy, loving yourself, accepting yourself for who you are. I want you to think about what this is going to look like. What do you hope to accomplish? What sidewalk do you want to be walking down? Visualize what you want. Not what you look like, but how you want to be, and how you want to relate to yourself.
I’ve given you a few reflection questions to ponder. After you answer the questions, sketch out (drawing or in paragraph form) what your new sidewalk looks like.
Get ready to dream.
The question for the day is: What do you want your relationship with your body to look like? (Note: I did not say “What do you want your body to look like?” – we are focusing on your relationship with your body here.)
- How do you feel when you get up in the morning?
- How do you start your day?
- What are some of the little things you do to make sure your body is well-cared for throughout the day?
- What do you eat? How do you make sure your sacred body temple is nourished?
- Is there any movement in your day? Do you go for a walk in nature? Do you dance? Do you practice yoga?
- How does it feel to be in your body?
- What do you love most about your body?
- What makes you feel comfortable in your own skin?
- What makes you truly feel like a Goddess?
- What makes you shine? What makes you happiest?
- What kinds of things do you think and say about yourself and your body?
- Do you have any bedtime rituals you follow?
Now that you have your dream, it’s time to make it a reality. Remember: BodyLove is a skill and an activity. How can you embody this new sidewalk? How can you take elements from this dream and make it your reality today? For example, if you envision your new sidewalk as eating a healthy breakfast each day, then eat a healthy breakfast today. If you would wear different clothes that make you feel like a Goddess, then hit the thrift stores and buy some new clothes that truly make you feel like a Goddess.
How will you practice BodyLove today?
