Overworked, exhausted, beyond busy, frazzled – you know the terms because you’ve said them yourself. These words represent our mind’s way of expressing the strain that we are putting on our bodies and our souls in an effort to nurture and take care of everyone except ourselves.
Now let me ask you – how often do you use these or similar words? Weekly? Daily? Hourly? The words we speak have a way of becoming our reality and the more often we speak the same words, the faster they become our truth. Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our behaviors and eventually our character. Here are seven signs of a woman who does too much. Can you relate?
1. You are so busy you don’t have time to eat or pee.
By not honoring our body’s needs for nourishment and healthy body functions, we are essentially telling ourselves that we are not worthy of life itself. Every living thing must have nourishment to survive. Denying our bodies the right to function in a normal capacity has significant health ramifications that develop over time. If you are seeing signs of health issues either oncoming or ongoing, listen to your body and give it the love and care that only you can. Your body is your temple and is worth your time and effort to lovingly care for it. An easy place to start is to schedule time during your day to eat healthy meals and take care of your body’s need for release and detoxification.
2. If you don’t do it, no one else will.
Are you taking on other people’s responsibilities? Being overwhelmed with a long to-do list is a commonality among women in general however, in the woman who does too much, it represents being responsible FOR another rather than being responsible TO another. The difference is that when you are responsible for others, you are taking on their responsibility for things that they can do for themselves. You do the work for them because you can’t make them do it for themselves and you want them to succeed. As women, we naturally nurture others and it can be difficult to step back and allow others to be responsible for themselves. Being responsible to others means that you are accountable to delivering what you promise and supporting and encouraging another on the journey that is theirs to complete. Make this healthy switch and reclaim several hours of your time and energy each week. How will you choose to spend your regained time?
3. Quieting your mind at night is a struggle.
Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep because of racing thoughts in your mind is yet another sign of a woman who does too much. All the plates you are holding up and spinning in the air above your head are causing you sleepless nights. It may seem impossible to let go of the thoughts for fear that one of the plates will shatter into pieces and you will be responsible for the fallout. This is a precarious condition of the mind and an indication of mental and emotional overload. Getting all of the thoughts down on paper, a brain dump if you will, can allow you to clear your mind of all the clutter and reassess what is yours to do and what you can either delegate or let go of altogether. Restful sleep is crucial to your wellbeing. Once your thoughts are organized and the weight of them decreased, meditation, a cup of chamomile tea or a warm bath with lavender essential oil can promote a good night’s sleep. Wishing you sweet dreams!
4. Saying ‘no’ feels wrong or foreign to you.
This is a tough one! Most women were taught as young girls to do as they are told and to make sure other’s needs are met before their own. Thus, the ‘yes’ monster was born. We were praised for saying yes when we did kind things for others, praised for saying yes when we succeeded in our endeavors and the list goes on. We were programmed to say yes to achieve the praise we so desperately craved from our parents or caregivers. Often though, we hear that ‘no’ is a complete sentence, yet how many of us actually use it that way? The art of saying no is one of the most difficult changes to incorporate yet, it can be done!
A good place to start is to check in with yourself and ask, “What is one thing that I have been tolerating that I no longer wish to tolerate?” It may be that you are tolerating a friend that relies on you constantly for help and at the drop of a hat. You typically drop everything you are doing and tend to her needs. No more. Now, you can start by telling that friend the next time she is reliant on your help, that unfortunately the answer is ‘no’.
You may experience some push back or other signs that she is disturbed by your lack of helpfulness however, you must know in your heart that you are doing some good by allowing her to figure it out for herself leaving you to do what is most important to you. Enabling hurts others and when we can say no with love, we are helping others become responsible for themselves. As with anything new, this will take practice to develop your ‘no’ muscle and as you do, the rest of your body, mind and soul will get stronger, too. The results of saying ‘no’ are exponential.
5.Resentment is showing up in one or more of your relationships.
This one is a piggy-back on number 4 above as after saying yes too often, resentments start to creep in and can overtake our emotions. We may say yes with good intentions however, once we look back on our original yes, we find that we didn’t really want to do the task after all. Resentments can grow from a tiny eye twitch to full blown feelings of anger. Resentments are nasty little parasites that take over our thoughts and feelings and leave us feeling taken advantage of, put upon, or mistreated and we essentially did it to ourselves by saying yes to something we really wanted to say no to but, for some reason could not.
The key to turning this one around is to give yourself a pause by telling the person asking for your assistance that you will have to get back to them with an answer. This allows you time to really check in with your mind, body and soul as to whether or not this situation is a good fit for you. It may be that it is, just not at this time and that is perfectly ok. It may be that it is in total opposition to being a good fit for you, but the person asking is your mother-in-law and you will feel guilty if you say no. Saying yes in this case does not serve you or your mother-in-law so it is best to be honest with yourself first and foremost. Know thyself and be true to yourself. As always, the truth sets you free. Having compassion for yourself can assist you in taking the time necessary to make the best choice for everyone involved.
6.There is no available time on your calendar for self-care.
You couldn’t fit self-care into your schedule even if you wanted to because you have filled every available moment with other things. You are perpetually on overdrive and may not even realize there is a better way. Scheduling self-care first, before any other obligations, is paramount to you being at your best so that you can serve others from a spirit of good will and kindness. As is said frequently, “You cannot give from an empty cup”. Please fill your cup first and fill it often. Otherwise, you are depleting your natural resources. We all long to be needed and establishing balance in the arena of giving and receiving will free up some time for you to practice whatever self-care essentials make your heart sing. Just think of self-care as oxygen – if you consistently give it out, breathing only out and never taking a breath in, you will cease to exist. We all must breathe in as well as out to stay alive and giving and receiving is no different; there must be balance. Go ahead and make a list now of what your non-negotiable self-care time looks like and schedule it on your calendar.
7.You feel like you are existing rather than living.
Feeling overwhelmed with life’s demands can happen seemingly overnight. One minute you are giving your time and talents with joy and the next minute you feel like you’ve been run over by a bulldozer. You’ve lost your spark, your passion and your zest for life. You feel ready to throw in the towel, climb back into bed and sleep the days away. A good start at this juncture is to lay down, close your eyes and listen to your heart. Ask yourself, “What is it that I need to know right here, right now to reignite my passion for life?” Then, just listen. It may take a little while, but just the intention and the question are enough to get your intuition involved in bringing forth the right feelings, words, metaphors or conditions to show you what is needed. Ask and it is given – you just need to be ready to see, hear or feel what will be revealed to you.
Life is a beautiful journey of hills and valleys and sometimes cul-de-sacs and round-abouts. It is never a straight line and thus, there are many things hidden from our view as we round corners or double-back after a detour. The point is to enjoy it all – the ups, the downs and the in-betweens all while taking excellent care of yourself and serving others through your gifts and talents.
There will never be a time when everything on our to-do lists are done so why wait to schedule time for yourself to enjoy self-care, a hobby or a day off. Make time for yourself each day even if you only have 10 minutes. A morning meditation, a walk around the block, a few minutes in the bathroom by yourself to collect your thoughts, or a mindful few minutes moving your body to music can all do wonders for improving your ability to recognize what matters most in your life. Once you are aware of what is most important, you can begin to let other obligations go and take back your power to choose how you really want to spend your most precious gift – time.
Cheers to your success!
