What type of environment did you grow up in? Was it one of those where adults turned to you every now and then with one-liners like “You can do it!” ─“Go for it Hon!” ─ “C’mon sweetie, you can do better than that!” If so, you were pretty lucky.
According to the University of Texas at Austin, that kind of positive, empowering parenting can help kids develop healthy self-esteem. Many experts also agree that children with a “positive self-esteem” will enter their critical teen years with a social behaviour advantage.
However, one of the saddening realities of our culture is that not all of us have had the good fortune to grow up in a nurturing, stimulating, environment. In fact, many have to live through and deal with the opposite of a “pro self-esteem” childhood. Without sounding overly dramatic, the consequences can be emotionally lethal on many levels, especially as we have witnessed time and time again, in the romantic relationship arena.
Simply put, we strongly believe one cannot experience a healthy romantic relationship without a solid self-worth foundation. If you are wondering, “what’s the difference between self-esteem, self-respect or self-worth?”─ we will tell you this: they are all related. The notable difference though with self-worth is that it brings a high connotation of special value. Something that not only exudes confidence but also attests how unique we are. So how can one know if his or her self-worth is “healthy enough” or needs to be challenged?
Look, every situation is different, so to think that we could come up with all imaginable scenarios to help you evaluate your own would be ludicrous. Nonetheless, we’ve put together 5 scenarios to help you assess if you should revisit your self-worth.
Scenario #1: The Super Athlete Syndrome
Maybe this happened while you played in a competitive sport. You found yourself going against an opponent whom you knew was bigger, faster or stronger than you, A Super Athlete by your standards… and in the heat of the “battle” you started thinking:
“Wow! I am really holding my end of the bargain against this guy! Gee… perhaps I can even win…
Can I? Well… maybe not. This guy’s so good…”
Scenario #2: The Job Impostor Attack
The Job Impostor Attack happens when a sudden situation or opportunity arises in your professional life and you catch yourself rationalizing:
“This is just too good to be true… Someone’s gonna find out sooner or later that I’m not that good, that I’m just a fraud!”
Scenario #3: The Unworthy Servant Reaction
This is someone with a good stable, professional position but not at the very top of her kingdom. Nevertheless she has a very good reputation and professional network. Out of the blue a charity leader approaches her and offers to champion their next fundraiser. Her reaction? You got it, The Unworthy Servant One:
“Oh no, this is not for me. I just don’t have enough clout to be a real asset to your campaign. You need someone with a higher profile.”
Scenario #4: The Unthreatening Friend Role
This individual is the one who likes to go out with his buddies to “chase the ladies” but will never dare to “take a chance” so he won’t ever get embarrassed in front of his pals… When the time comes to make a move, he always finds a way to take the back seat, to get in the “role” he feels the most compelled for:
“You go ahead Chuck and talk to her. She seems to be interested only in you anyway. I can take a cab home, no worries.”
Scenario #5: The “I’m Just Like…” Disorder
This is a BIG one because it refers to abuse. Abuse certainly comes in many forms, but mental abuse is probably the most despicable of all. It infiltrates our self-talk and transforms it into self-defeating, destructive thoughts. And how can you not? Especially if you spent years in the vicinity of an influential figure calling you names and making constant degrading comments about you. Therefore, if you find repeating to yourself the same negative statements you heard many times from a toxic individual in your surrounding, beware, that’s the “I’m Just Like…” Disorder we’re talking about. Fill in the blanks to the following statements to see if you fit in this scenario:
“I’m just like –fill in the blank– he/she said I am.” or “I’m just too –fill in the blank-”
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said –“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.” Instead of falling victim to the numerous traps of unworthiness, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation based on what makes your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Get rid of the naysayers in your life, particularly the ones affecting your self-talk like we have shown in Scenario #5…
Take also the time to itemize your GBVPs. This is the list of all your Gratitudes, Beliefs, Values and Priorities. What we have found is that when we take a pause to have a deep look at ourselves, we then start to truly appreciate our self-worth. And our self-worth always multiplies our “love-worth.” As we told you above, self-worth brings a high connotation of special value, exudes our confidence and attests how unique we are. With that in mind, start to see yourself as WORTHY: Wow Optimistic Real Thing Hallowing You
