4 Steps to Silencing Your Inner Bully

Are you feeling unappreciated or worthless?  

Having trouble acknowledging your own value?  

Does that inner bully of negativity, self-doubt, and criticism hold you prisoner? 

That inner bully in our minds can cause so much misery in our lives. The negative self-talk can be so overpowering that it blocks out everything else. The judgement and doubt permeate all of our thoughts, and we don’t notice anything that could be positive about ourselves. Every setback is because of our shortcomings. Every bad result can be blamed on our mistakes. No matter what happens, it is due to our just not being good enough.  

Have you ever been victim to this vicious inner bully? It can be difficult to escape.  

Here are 4 easy steps to begin silencing your inner bully: 

1. Ask others how they view you

One way to overcome this bully, is to ask others in your life to write you a description of how they see you. When I did this, I was shocked by how others really view me. I had been thinking that nobody understands me or really sees me, but actually it was me who was not seeing. I was not seeing myself clearly, and also not seeing how others value me. This exercise really opened my eyes to how I was limiting myself and my relationships with my own judgement. 

2. Ask how you have made a difference in their life

I am reminded of the book, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom. This book shows how we impact the lives of others everyday and we don’t even realize it. It may be the person that you smile at on the street, or the person you help in the grocery store. All acts of kindness, no matter how insignificant, make a difference. We may never know all the lives we have touched, but we can still ask those closest to us to share how we have helped them and made their lives better. Or maybe they have seen how you have affected others and can tell those stories as well. There is no sense in waiting until we are dead to share these stories.  

3. Celebrate your own worth

Take some time to quiet your mind. Connect with your deeper self, asking the negative part of you to step aside. Write down your strengths, your gifts, what you bring to the world. Write down anything you can think of, even if it seems silly or insignificant. How have you helped others? What have you kept hidden that others don’t even know you have within you? What is unique about you? 

4. Putting them together

Now gather all the parts together. What others have said or written and what you have written about yourself. Acknowledge them all. Even if you don’t believe it. What does this new picture of you look like? Is it different from how you saw yourself before? Are there some aspects that you had been denying or ignoring about yourself? How does it feel to see them now? 

Getting input from those around us, can be very powerful tool to help us to seen ourselves more clearly. Try some of these ideas to alter your self perception, and see yourself in a more positive light. You can also return the favor by doing the same for those in your life, sharing your appreciation, positive descriptions, and stories of how they make a difference. They may be feeling the same as you, but may or may not be aware of it. Helping them to heal their inner bully as well, and also keeps the positive vibes going. You will not only make their day, but can open your relationships up to a deeper level.  

Be open to acknowledging your value and worth. You are here for a reason, and your existence does make a difference. Thank you for all that you are!