The idea that it only takes one person to transform any relationship sounds crazy, doesn’t it? After all, we’re taught it takes two to tango!
But my husband, Paul, and I created a methodology that empowers ONE person to transform any relationship, even if your partner refuses to change, so you can create the love and passion you really want.
In this article, I’m giving you three of our best secrets to doing exactly that!
Secret #1: Asking your partner to change is killing your relationship
Right now you probably feel like getting your partner to change is the only way you can be happy in your relationship. Afterall, “THEY caused this problem, so THEY need to fix it,” right? It’s just how we’re all taught to navigate relationships.
Unfortunately, demanding that other people change doesn’t work. No one likes to be told they have to change “or else,” and anyone who does try to change is doing it out of fear or conformity, in the hope of getting their needs met.
Trying to change because you don’t want to lose someone is not a recipe for Unshakeable Love and Unleashed Passion. It’s just the opposite – it’s a recipe for killing your relationship!
It also leaves you feeling stuck, because if your happiness is contingent upon the other person changing, and they REFUSE to change, what are your options?
Most people would answer: To “suck it up” (and be miserable), or to leave.
The truth is, those aren’t your only options. You also have the option to acquire tools and skills to shift how you’re showing up, so that your partner shifts in response to you – not because you told them they had to, but because they actually want to.
When you approach your relationship in this way, shifts in your partner can happen in a matter of days. Frequently I see it happen the same day!
Secret #2: You and your partner are SUPPOSED to be different
You and your partner may have some things in common, but in other ways you’re probably as different as night and day. That is a great thing!
You see, a lot of people confuse being equal with being the same, but they’re not. You can be equal to someone and not be exactly like them.
Differences between the masculine and the feminine are perfect examples of this. These differences are impacting your day, several times a day, pretty much every day.
A lot of the kerfuffles happening in your marriage right now are happening because you don’t actually understand how your partner is wired, or that they’re wired differently than you.
When you use simple tools to understand their wiring for exactly what it is, instead of trying to make it like yours, it’s a huge relief. You’ll solve so many kerfuffles, and finally see why so much about them has been driving you crazy.
Plus, you’ll stop trying to eliminate one of the key factors in getting that intense, satisfying passion you really want: Your differences!
Sameness kills passion, which is why the more you try to force sameness between you and your partner, the more your passion fizzles.
Secret #3: Sucking it up is never the answer
No matter how hard you try to have good behavior, let things go or suck it up, you have triggers.
There are things your partner does, that your kids do, that your family members and people at work do, that trigger you. Meaning, something they say or do, or don’t say or do, triggers a knee-jerk reaction in you.
Even the word TRIGGER might trigger you!
How most people try to handle being triggered is to force or manipulate people around them into changing, so that they don’t have to experience the trigger.
The problem with that is, no matter how clever, convincing or threatening you are, you cannot make everyone else change so that you can be happy. You cannot control others. You can try, but coercing other people into changing so that you feel more comfortable does not solve your trigger.
Think of your triggers like wearing a leash around your neck twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, that anyone, anytime, anywhere, can pick up and pull on whenever they want.
Yes, you can devote all your time and energy into making sure no one gets close enough to you to pick up and pull on the leash, but that’s not going to create the love and passion you really want.
What will is controlling what you can control: Yourself. With tools and support, you can eliminate your triggers entirely, so you no longer have to go through your day getting hijacked by the people around you.
Do that, and you’ll be taking off the leash, so there’s nothing there for people to pick up and pull on. It’s very empowering to authentically release your triggers and happily go through life!
If you’d like some quick, simple tools and strategies to help you reduce kerfuffles and kindle your love in passion, start with the 14-Day Boost Program. Give your relationship the biggest boost it’s had all year in just 14 days!
