Living a life with love and grace is living with authenticity. It’s being conscious of how you treat people, what stories you share and the words you choose.
As a result, how you make other people feel will directly impact how you feel. When you start to embody 3 essential foundations, you will start to feel the love and grace inside of you.
Foundation #1: Don’t Share Other People’s Stories – “It’s Not Your Story to Tell.”
Most people don’t realize that this includes all stories. It can be an amazing story or a devastating story. Sometimes we think that if we share good news it’s not considered gossip.
Visualize a time when you had something amazing happen in your life. You were excited and you couldn’t wait to tell a friend or family member. The moment arrived and you started to tell them your amazing news and you found out they already knew.
How did this make you feel? Did you feel disappointment because you didn’t get to experience the joy of sharing the excitement with that person? Although, the person that shared your story was excited for you and had great intentions, it wasn’t their story to tell.
Alternatively, you could be involved in a situation that you trusted someone and told them something in confidence. Sadly, you found out they betrayed you and told other people your story.
Likewise, you could find out that other people have been talking about you. Anyone that has experienced this situation knows what it feels like. You feel extremely betrayed and upset that other people are talking about you when you weren’t there to tell your own story.
Another scenario that everyone has experienced: Someone asks you if one of your friends or a family member is dating someone new, on a diet, feeling depressed, pregnant, recently diagnosed with an illness, getting a divorce, etc. It can be a question that you feel is harmless to answer.
When you are asked about another person or you find yourself starting to share this information–take a moment and think to yourself, and then reply, “It’s not my story to tell.”
Equally important, don’t share your personal story with people that haven’t earned the right to hear your story.
One of my favorite quotes is by Brené Brown: “Share your story with people that have earned the right to hear your story and that can bare the weight of the story.”
If you share your story with the wrong person, you are going to experience responses that are not in alignment and helpful to you. Consequently, this can cause you to feel upset and anxious. It can be extremely harmful to your well-being and overall process of dealing with your emotions.
Foundation # 2: Give Guidance – Not Advice
You can give guidance and suggestions, but you should never give someone direct advice on what they “Should” or “Need” to do. Truly, you don’t know what another person should do because we all have different personalities, life circumstances and values. You can always share what you did if you were in a similar situation. You can suggest ideas that might be helpful by saying: Have you thought about this option or way of thinking?
Foundation # 3: Choose Your Words Wisely
One of the key essential foundations to living with grace is to be extremely aware of your words. Words are extremely powerful, especially if someone is in a vulnerable situation. So often, people try to think of the right things to say to comfort someone. Consequently, these words can have the complete opposite reaction and cause a great deal of pain to the person that is vulnerable.
Examples of responses that are often used that can be hurtful:
Death of a loved one: I’m so sorry for your loss; I know exactly how you feel; Everything happens for a reason; I feel so sorry for you; You will get over it soon, it just takes time; This is just the normal process of life; I know how you feel.
Victims of Domestic Violence: I feel so sorry for you; You will get over this soon; You are so lucky to be without him/her; He/she didn’t love you if they abused you; Why didn’t you tell anyone?
Divorce/Breakup: It wasn’t meant to be; You will be over it soon; You need to start dating; You need to just get over it.
Personal Diagnosis or Family Member Diagnosed With a Health Condition: You will be fine; At least it isn’t something life-threatening; I know someone that had the same condition so I know you will be fine; Everything happens for a reason.
Family Member or Friend Commits Suicide: Everything happens for a reason; I’m so sorry, suicide is so selfish; How could they do this to you? Did you know they were depressed?
Someone experiencing depression, anxiety or loneliness: You need to get out of bed and you will feel better; You just need to be around people, and you will feel better; Why are you sad you have everything going for you?
Failed Adoption/Fertility: At least you weren’t actually pregnant; It wasn’t meant to be; It will definitely work next time; Everything happens for a reason.
Have you used any of these responses or have you received them? If so, did it make you feel worse and give you that cringing feeling inside? Even though it was meant with a loving intention, it can be extremely hurtful.
Examples of conscious responses that you can implement into your life and relationships:
- I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m here for you.
- I can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m going to continue to check on you even if you don’t feel like talking.
- I’m sorry you are going through this. I know you loved him/her and this is hard for you. I’m happy you are safe and I’m here for you.
- I’m so sorry, I’m here for you to share all of the emotions you are feeling.
- You have my full support and love.
- I’m so sorry, I have no words, but I care about you and I’m here for you.
- I’m here for you to talk, cry, tell your story and/or to just sit with you in silence so you know you’re not alone.
Also, it’s important to remember that people are not going to tell you what they need or want because they don’t know. They are in an extremely vulnerable and difficult time in their life. Instead of asking them what they need, trust yourself and do whatever you feel in your heart will help them.
As a result of implementing these foundations, you will become the best version of yourself. In addition, you will gain confidence knowing that you are living with a high level of integrity and authenticity. You will find this energy coming back to you and you will start attracting other people that are authentic and make a conscious effort to be the best version of themselves.
