Aspire Magazine is honored to share an excerpt from a recently discovered unpublished work by the beloved late spiritual teacher and #1 New York Times bestselling author Debbie Ford in which she reflects on the astonishing holiness that resides in each of us.
Written during her long battle with cancer, Your Holiness is a thoughtful and poignant exploration of the godliness that resides in all of us. Infused with her trademark frank honesty and keen insight, it is a blueprint for recognizing and accepting our latent spirituality. Debbie combines motivational prayers with deeply personal stories about her own spiritual journey—how she struggled and eventually found her internal faith—and translates her experience into a practical path for transformation. Debbie’s legacy continues at www.DebbieFord.com.
Here I was, face-to-face with an out-of-control, all-consuming drug addiction, surrounded by ashtrays, empty cartons of Salems, and the bottle of 10-milligram Valiums I used to begin each day. I was obsessed with trying to figure out how my life had come to this. I seemed to be a genius at rationalizing, denying, lying, and making up excuses for my bad behavior, but on this day, with the empty Percodan bottle in hand, I knew in the depth of my soul that I just couldn’t go on living like this. I couldn’t pretend that I was okay for one more day.
All my clothes were thrown all over my room since I had ransacked every drawer looking for pills I might have hidden and dollar bills that might still contain a residue of cocaine. My purses were scattered across my closet floor from my tireless search, knowing there must be something, some residue, somewhere. All the plastic pill bottles in my bathroom, where I would typically hide a few pills here and there, now lay uncapped on the marble countertop.
As I had frantically searched, I felt the desperation, the fear, the powerlessness of needing a fix and being unable to find one. I could have picked up the phone, but I was too ashamed and humiliated to call even my drug dealers. No one could consume this amount of drugs in such a short time. No cute leather dress or outrageous dangling earrings could hide the pathetic nature of this scene. Even my drug dealers would know what a loser I was. When I realized that I would be embarrassed in front of people I considered the scum of the earth, I knew there was no other option. I had to get help. The thought that I was going to die had been second to the sleazy feeling of being a blown out drug addict—the poor little rich girl. There I had been, with everything, and yet with nothing, because I had lost myself.
After recalling this desperate and painful scene, my mind snapped back to the present moment, and I once again became aware of the cold tile underneath me. On my hands and knees, not knowing what else to do, I recited the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I focused intently on each phrase because I ached for some serenity. More than anything in the world, I wanted a few minutes of peace inside my noisy mind. I whispered the words, just loud enough so I could hear them, over and over and over again: “God, give me the courage to change.” I wanted to change. I needed to change so badly. I began begging and crying hysterically. With my head in my hands, I sobbed uncontrollably until I suddenly realized that something inside me had shifted. A calm had come over me—a silence that was palpable.
In asking God, this higher power, to enter my awareness, something inside me had opened up and relaxed. The stress in my body had released, and the screaming voice in my mind had subsided. Peace had enveloped my entire self. Even the filthy, disgusting bathroom floor didn’t look so bad. There was a release inside me, a letting go, a clarity, an expansiveness, but more importantly, there was hope.
My God, I had hope. Just what I needed.
That morning I had experienced something very special. Even though I didn’t know what it was, it had lifted me out of the pain of my emotional body, at least for the time being, and brought me to the perfection of the present moment. I knew then that I could make it through another day. And at that point, one more day was all I really needed. Suddenly I was filled with joy and excitement, and I wanted to stand up and shout out to the world, “I can do it!”
I share with you this experience on the bathroom floor of the Palm Beach Institute because it was the moment when I knew that a power greater than myself existed. It was the moment when I began to heal and transform my inner world and form a deep, loving relationship with the power that I now know as God. Every day for the next eighteen days, I made the choice to find my way back into that bathroom, which became my holy sanctuary—a place where I could reconnect with the all-loving presence that had delivered me to a higher aspect of myself. Through this daily ritual I found the strength to finally make it through all twenty-eight days of treatment.
On a warm summer day nearly twenty-four years ago, I walked out of my last treatment center, knowing that I had tapped into a power and a source that could move mountains, change people’s lives, and lead me to a future that I couldn’t even fathom yet. I knew in every cell of my being that I needed to further explore, understand, and devote myself to finding and knowing God. Hallelujah!
Dear God,
Dance with me.
Hold me tight like a lover.
Spin me around until a smile covers my face.
Lift me up, and when my feet touch the ground,
Let me know that I am one with you.
As I resumed my life, I was consumed by the need to understand how this shift had occurred. Why had I found the strength this time that I had failed to find so many times before? How had I gone from feeling deep pain, agony, and despair to experiencing peace, joy, and contentment? How had I felt so alone and separate one moment, then, a moment later, completely connected, one with all that is, seen and unseen? How had I gone from seeing the world through the self-centered eyes of my wounded ego to glimpsing the unbelievable intricacies of my spiritual path?
To this day I remain awed and fascinated by what’s available to any one of us when we open ourselves up to the unseen forces that exist within and around us. The quest to understand this powerful source has led me on a long, unbelievable journey, from the depths of darkness and despair to unimaginable moments of light, love, creativity, and joy. And now, excitedly, I share with you what I have learned from the greatest spiritual teachers of our time, as well as the ancient sages and spiritual masters whose teachings continue to live on in our awareness.
In Your Holiness, you will find a process that will unleash this power within you, so that you can heal your heart at the deepest level and return to your rightful nature, your truest essence . . . your holiness.
Drenched in Holiness
Dear God, Spirit, Divine Mother,
On this day I ask you to grant this request:
May I know who I am and what I am, every moment of every day;
May I be a catalyst for light and love
And bring inspiration to those whose eyes I meet;
May I have the strength to stand tall in the face of conflict
And the courage to speak my voice, even when I’m scared;
May I have the humility to follow my heart
And the passion to live my soul’s desires;
May I seek to know the highest truth
And dismiss the gravitational pull of my lower self;
May I embrace and love the totality of myself—My darkness as well as my light;
May I be brave enough to hear my heart,
To let it soften so that I may gracefully choose faith over fear.
Today is my day to surrender anything that stands between
The sacredness of my humanity and my divinity.
May I be drenched in my holiness
And engulfed by your love.
May all else melt away.
And so it is, and it is so,
Amen.
Excerpted from YOUR HOLINESS: Discover the Light Within by Debbie Ford, copyright 2018. Reprinted with permission by HarperOne/HarperCollins.
