What My 8 Year-Old Son Taught Me about Tuning into My Inner Wisdom

It wasn’t my or Doug’s hope or plan for our son Griffin to skip 4^th grade (we were not ready to be parents to a 5^th grader!), but we quickly realized that he was committed to his goal, and we supported his decision.

As it happened, the teachers and administrators at his school were not as quick to get on board with his decision. In fact, they opposed it.

They told us it is very rare to “promote” a child within the school (there had only been 3 cases in the school’s 38-year history, and the last had happened many years ago), and there were a lot of reasons for that – mostly related to the fact of a student’s chronological age and corresponding emotional maturity.

Their program supports the development of the child in seven different “domains” (mental, spiritual, emotional, moral/social, physical, natural, and creative) – in different ways in different grades, and they didn’t want Griffin to “skip” a year of that support.

But, as we learned in a series of meetings with the teachers and administrators to discuss the possibility, there was more.

At one meeting Renée, the director of the school, lit a candle and asked Griffin to share a word that would inform our meeting. He said, “Strength. Because I know I’m going to need it to be in the 5^th grade next year.”

Renée smiled and said, “You know, there’s another kind of strength. The strength of weathering a disappointment – and if we decide that it’s the best thing for you to continue into 4^th grade, will you be okay with that?”

Without missing a beat Griffin said, “Oh, sure. I deal with disappointment all the time. At home this morning I was throwing my favorite ball around and I lost it in the hedge. I was really upset at first, but then I thought, ‘It’s not a big deal. I’m sure I’ll find it later.’ And I knew it would all work out. It always does.”

Of course, I silently cheered that he has a well-developed ability to choose acceptance and faith in the face of an undesirable circumstance, and Renée seemed impressed too.

But Renée had more concerns – that Griffin – who seemed to succeed so easily, would never find school easy again, to which Griffin replied, “That’s fine. I don’t need it to be easy. I like to be challenged.”

(Again, I silently cheered. – And later when we were alone Griffin asked me, “But why does Renée think it’s going to be so hard for me? It still may be easy.” I believe he learned a good lesson about how people will make assumptions, but that doesn’t mean any of it is true in the moment.)

Finally she worried that Griffin – who was seen as a leader in the 3^rd grade – would never be seen as a leader by his classmates again, given his age (and comparative immaturity), and his “upstart” status.

She shared that she had seen this happen before and believed strongly that Griffin’s self-concept would be damaged in the event that it happened to him.

As you know, I try not to project any outcomes – especially negative ones – into the future, but when a professional educator I respect said that she feared something my child wanted to do could damage him, it was hard for me to dismiss it.

There was even one point in the months-long decision-making process that one of his teachers said, “I don’t understand why Griffin should be allowed to make this decision. He has no idea what the consequences of it will be. As adults, we have the benefit of training and experience, and we should decide.”

And that’s when I felt a surge of clarity. No, I didn’t know what the future held for my son. I don’t even believe I can ever know what’s “best” for him.

But what I wanted most for him then – and still do now! – is for him to trust the voice inside of him that was calling him to do this thing.

The last thing I wanted to do was to undermine his sense of what’s right for him and supplant it with our sense of what’s right for him.

Luckily Griffin was strong enough to hold the vision for all of us – and all of the gloomy prognostications proved to be unfounded.

Thank goodness Griffin was strong enough to listen to his inner wisdom about what was best for him, to move forward in the face of great resistance, and even to support his elders as they struggled with their doubts about what was best for him.

As I’ve reflected on the lessons Griffin taught me in this process, I’ve realized that what I do most in my role as a coach is to help my clients excavate their inner wisdom.

I say excavate because, for must of us, by the time we’ve spent a decade or two as adults, layers of doubts and fears — and even the “best intentions” of others – have covered up our Inner Wisdom. Getting in touch with it again can require a pneumatic drill and a few sticks of dynamite.

But if you’re one of those people who needs to excavate your inner wisdom and trust your intuition, here’s what I suggest you do:

1. Trust that your inner wisdom is available to you, every moment of every day.

Ask it powerful questions, like “What do I really, really, really want?” (There’s magic in that third really.) Always see every challenge as an opportunity and ask your inner wisdom, “What is this here to teach me?” Your inner wisdom will respond.

2. Flood yourself with memories of the times you were connected to your inner wisdom.

Most people have had many times in their lives when they knew what to do and the urge to act was very strong. But in a lifetime, those times may seem few and far between, and when you’re under duress, you’re likely to forget them altogether.

So get in a habit of “flooding” yourself with those memories so you’re more likely to feel confident in your inner wisdom when you need it most.

You might have to go all the way back to childhood to find the memories – especially if you’ve been in the habit of deferring your inner wisdom to other people’s wishes for a long time. But I promise, if you look you will find them.

3. Stop thinking. Feel your way into your inner wisdom.

The question you want to ask is, “Will saying YES to this path bring me closer to my best life? Or will it take me further away?” Then you will FEEL your inner wisdom either light up (your heart soars) or diminish (your heart sinks) by the prospect of taking action.

4. Always choose your inner wisdom above all others.

As you can see from Griffin’s story, the people closest to him, who loved him and cared about him, and wanted the absolute best for him, wanted something very different for him than he wanted for himself. Fortunately he persevered, and his inner wisdom got to win the day.

You will also learn that only you can know what’s best for you, and you will enjoy the freedom and happiness that comes to you as a result of acting on it.