Valentine’s Day is approaching! Love and passion is on everyone’s mind and in everyone’s heart. There’s also a sense of hope in the air. A new optimism that we can and will experience more love and more passion in our lives and our relationships. This is the energy that excites me so much because Valentine’s Day creates an opening of refreshing energy that feels amazing. Especially since the rest of the year, the energy is quite the opposite.
It’s sad to say, but we are in the midst of a passion-less relationship epidemic. In my intimate relationship work with clients, the number one issue that comes up time and time again is the lack of passion in their relationship. Many couples describe it as ‘being in a loving, caring relationship with a good friend’ or as ‘coexisting under the same roof but with no intimate connection.’ They’ve lost the passion, fun and playfulness they once had and for many, they believe it is lost forever.
Even sadder is that by the time one or both of them find their way to me, they find themselves in one of these two relationship patterns. The first, falsely believing that a loss of passion is part of the natural progression of a relationship so they unconsciously agree to go with the flow and accept it. Or second, after living this way for so long, they may have already crossed the energetic line into resentment, anger, judgment and betrayal.
Here’s the real tragedy in that.
“Relationships don’t die because of a lack of LOVE,
they die because of a lack of passion.” – Tony Robbins
When you live without passion for long enough, a part of you begins to feel empty inside. You may try to distract yourself with work, the kids, shopping, friends, and other escapes. Eventually, no matter how much you try to numb yourself, you will feel the pang of wanting more passion and intimacy because it is our natural calling.
And, no matter how it looks or feels at this moment, your man wants this too. Odds are, that just like you, he has no idea where to start to bring that passion back. Maybe he’s numbing and distracting himself too, trying to fill a void inside and find a way to be happy without the passion and intimacy he craves.
This would be heart-breaking, if there wasn’t a solution!
You can turn that passion and desire back on in a heartbeat and reignite the passion for more than just one night. When you feel desire and passion for your man, you are more likely to be your best self. You find yourself appreciating more of his unique qualities and feel a sense of deep gratitude for the man that he is. You begin focusing more and more on the blessings and gifts he brings to the relationship. (Remember the Law of Attraction – what you focus on expands.)
Unless we remain consciously committed to nourishing that feeling of desire and passion in our relationship, it’s easy to lose those feelings for our partner. What happens over time is that you allow yourself to become disconnected from that divine energy force that is the life blood of a healthy, passionate relationship.
Here are three simple strategies for reigniting the passion in your intimate relationship:
ONE: Stop Withholding!
As women, we easily slip into a pattern of withholding our love and appreciation as a “behavior correction” tool or punishment. Whether it is a conscious or unconscious response, let me tell you it is a sure passion killer.
No judgment here my friend, I was practically a gold-medal winning withholder at one point. It’s a tool many of us turn to out of self-protection after being disappointed, hurt, rejected or betrayed by our loved one. If you truly desire to bring back passion and intimacy in your relationship it’s time to stop punishing him for all the other times he may have disappointed you.
What to do instead? The next time your man makes a bid for your attention, or an attempt to make you happy… choose to accept it and be happy. Lovingly accept his bid for your attention and shower him with appreciation and affection. I promise you that the more you appreciate and respond positively to his attention the more he will do it. As you nourish and appreciate this new relationship pattern I promise you will find your heart wide open.
TWO: Be Playful and Flirtatious
Live, play and flirt! You are wired for this… as women, we all are. Remember that fun, flirtatious young woman of your teens and twenties? She’s still in there somewhere waiting for you to allow her to come out and play. It’s time to reconnect with that fun, playful part of yourself. Call on her to bring a little fun into your world and into your relationship. Your man will love seeing this side of you and you’ll love how you feel about yourself when you are tapped into this vivacious energy.
Put away the excuses. As women, we are all busy balancing the many roles we play in our lives. I get it, I really do. I’m a mom and an entrepreneur and I understand what it’s like to have things constantly calling for my attention day in a day out. It wasn’t until I put my relationship with Paul on the top of my priority list that I was able to create the magnificent relationship we have today, which of course, nourishes every other role I held in my life.
THREE: Re-align with your Feminine Core Energy
Many years ago, my nickname was “The Ice Princess” and it was very well deserved. After many years of getting hurt and trying to protect myself I had closed off my heart (and my feminine nature). To compensate, I threw myself into my work, where I was rewarded with much success. In those days, it would be easy to describe me as cold, tough, driven, assertive and achieving all very masculine qualities, which are not all negative, when used as a tool.
But I wasn’t using them as a tool, they had become who I was. I was also lonely, empty, unfulfilled and most of all completely and utterly exhausted from doing it all. The combination of feeling dead inside and the crazy exhaustion was catching up with me. At that time I considered femininity to be weak and vulnerability to be out of the question. I held tightly to the very strong masculine skill set and masculine mask that I wore as a shield of protection.
Then I met a vibrant, passionate woman who seemed lit up from the inside out. She was happy, playful and affectionate and she even giggled, yes giggled! She seemed to find the beauty in everything and her compassion for all people was astounding. This incredible woman was also at the top of an empire, was extremely influential in life and in business and served as a mama to several kids. She had found the secret elixir I had been searching for.
Experiencing this woman was enough for me to declare and commit that if that was femininity, I wanted it.
And then…I struggled and I mean I really struggled. I wanted so desperately to be feminine, yet I couldn’t figure out how. I tried and tried to BE more feminine, and I beat myself up every time I felt myself using my masculine tools. This went on for the better part of a year until I had the blessed opportunity to once again meet this inspiring woman yet again.
That day she shared a powerful message with me and her empowering words freed me forever and today I pass them on to you.
She said, “No one has to teach you how to be feminine. You only need the courage to lay down your masculine weapons and your masculine mask and be the real authentic you! It takes vulnerability and courage…not trying.”
The feminine is about being open and not closed… even when you are scared. The feminine feels everything with all its senses and fills up on everything it feels. The feminine is open to and cares for everyone….and that’s why the feminine sees the beauty in all things.
My wish for you is that you feel the spark of your feminine energy inside you. Have the courage to embrace your vulnerability and stay open….even when you are scared!
This is just the beginning of your journey my friend! Your path is rich with beauty, excitement, inspiration and laughter! OPEN UP, STEP IN and PLAY!!!
Living a life of passion is SO WORTH IT!
