How do you know if you are leading an authentic life?What is an authentic life?
Let’s work like a sculptor, taking away what isn’t part of what we wish to sculpt. We will get faster results by looking at the negative space – what we don’t want – than by trying to be positive. Instead of focusing on what we want – to be authentic – let’s look at what we don’t want: to be fake, contrived, unoriginal, unreal, a façade, a shell, a mask. And let us ask ourselves what motivates us to lie about who we really are and to hide our authentic self away.
It is unlikely that anything that I desire or want is authentic. Even a desire for “peace on earth” is rarely a real expression of authentic desire. I have been manipulated to want these things. I have incorporated the messages that tell me what to want so deeply that I honestly believe they come from me.
We all know that an authentic life is not a life led in pursuit of getting things, even wonderful things like peace, or of getting money in order to get things. While it is true that a certain amount of money is required for adequate health and well-being, studies consistently find that more money does not bring more happiness. Money rarely creates a more authentic life either, though it may make living authentically easier, especially if your authentic self isn’t something you can make money from. One woman I know paints her authentic art for ten months of the year; and for two months out of the year she makes art for money. Her simple, fun, money-making art is wildly popular and it pleases her, though not as much as the sale of one of her complex, uneasy oil paintings. Desiring less is one way to be more authentic.
Wanting to make money in order to purchase the object of our desire leads us immediately into behaviors that are less than authentic. “Dress for success.” “Play the game of office politics.” “Do what you must to get ahead in the rat race.” When we hear these messages in our minds, we know they are leading us away from authenticity. Finding a guide who supports our most authentic self is one way to bring more of our true self into view.
Is it unlikely that anything that I think is authentic. I have been carefully taught. My teachers, my parents, my social milieu, and my culture have all had their way with me, have all lied to me about my authentic self. I see myself through a lens that has been distorted. I see myself, says one of my teachers, as all humans see themselves, through my mother’s eyes. Authenticity requires that I take off my cultural vision and look out of clear eyes. No expectations. No assumptions. No lies. This is the way to my authentic self.
Authenticity demands that I stop kidding myself about myself, that I love and accept myself as I am right now, not as the perfect person I image I ought to be. One way to change my thinking is to change my story. I have never met a plant or an animal, no matter how small, how scrawny, how misshapen, how marginal it is, who believes that they are not good enough. Every plant and every animal that I know believes, without doubt, that they are the best!!
One way to change my story is to give myself time alone, without responsibilities or demands. Even a half day vision quest can take us out of our ordinary thoughts and shake up our brains so authenticity can break through.
It is unlikely that the way I present myself to others is authentic. Clothes, shoes, hairdos, makeup, scent, and such are signals that are used to tell those around us how to relate to us. They indicate where we are on the social pecking order, how much we are worth, and how much respect we are due. This, more than modesty, is what lies behind our nervousness about being naked. Many pagan traditions insist on worshipping “skyclad,” that is, without clothes, for the purpose of erasing boundaries between those in the circle and creating an authentic and egalitarian experience.
Authentic clothing is timeless, simple, and inexpensive. Authentic clothing is also usually wild and beautiful and made from natural fibers. Going without clothes, even for a short while, feeds the deepest authentic parts of ourselves.
It is rare that all of what I say is authentic. I am known to be a person who “walks her talk,” and, for the most part, what I do and what I say match. Not so for a great many people I meet. For instance, at a conference, I was talking someone about the raw food book she authored. I was surprised to hear that she eats cooked food; she wrote the book because her agent told her she could make lots of money that way. Every time we lie, in thought, word, or action, to ourselves or others, authenticity becomes harder to discern. Who we really are becomes more muddled and more difficult to manifest.
Being authentic, we can see, is a tall order. We must actively uncover our unexamined beliefs and prejudices, taking off the clothing of our minds as well as that which clothes our bodies if we wish to look into the essence of ourselves as an authentic human being.
The playful work of being authentic never ends. “The psyche is a million miles deep,” Jean Houston warns us. May you never get to the end of yourself!
Shamanic Quest for My Authentic Self
Sit in a quiet place, alone, no phone.
Breathe slowly and fully.
Imagine a large crystal, big enough to enter. Go in and go to the stairs.
Put your hand on the handrail and your foot on the first step.
Be slow and conscious as you tread on each of the thirteen steps. At the end is a path.
Follow the path and it will take you to a beautiful garden.
Sit quietly and listen for the sound of water.
Follow that sound.
Your guide to an authentic self is waiting for you.
What is your guide called?
What does your guide want from you?
What will your guide give you?
Tell your guide what you want. Ask for help.
When you are ready to leave, walk back to the stairs and take the stairway back into the immense crystal. Step out of the crystal and stretch.
Stretch. And breathe.
