There’s a “not-so-secret” secret affecting a lot of parents in today’s world.
It’s something most parents feel on more than one occasion… But few parents are comfortable saying out loud, because there’s so much guilt, shame, and judgment around it.
You may even feel like a bad parent for just thinking it! Ready to read this “not-so-secret” secret?
Here it is: You sometimes hate being a parent.
Yep, I said it!
This topic usually ruffles some feathers, but I’m okay with that. We can’t solve issues by sweeping them under the rug and pretending they don’t exist. Issues are only solved when we openly discuss them.
So, let’s discuss this!
Let me start by saying I know how much you love your kids and you want what’s best for them. My husband, Paul and I, feel the same way about our kids.
But if you’re a parent, you also know what any parent knows: That being a parent is hard. Sometimes it’s downright miserable!
When parents find themselves caught in those “misery of parenting” moments, many believe, deep down in a place they’d never share, that it’s because they hate being a parent, or hate their kids, or both.
If you’ve ever felt that way, what if I told you it wasn’t actually your kids or being a parent that you sometimes secretly hate?
What if I told you it was something else…something you don’t even know you’re doing, because everyone does it, and everyone believes it’s what you have to do?
The REAL Reason Parenting Is Hard
Paul and I teach our students about a relationship epidemic called Demand Relationship. It’s where you require other people to change or do what you want, so you can be happy and more comfortable.
There are two roles in Demand Relationship: The power player and the non-power player.
The power player uses control to get their way, while the non-power player gives in and tries to please the power player, hoping that by doing so, they’ll get their way next time.
Demand Relationship only works if one party is not free to leave, which has been the case for generations.
If one or both parties are free to leave the relationship–which is the case in most of today’s relationships–Demand Relationship falls apart.
Demand Parenting is a form of Demand Relationship, and most parents practice Demand Parenting without even realizing it.
You were most likely raised in a Demand Parenting environment, and you hated it as a kid. Now you’re trying to use it with your kids, and you hate it as a parent!
That’s how I know that when you catch yourself secretly hating being a parent, it’s not actually being a parent that you hate. It’s Demand Parenting you hate, and here’s why: Because any form of Demand Relationship flat-out sucks!
It sucks to be in a relationship where you feel controlled, and like you’re doing everything for a partner who doesn’t appreciate it and doesn’t reciprocate.
It also sucks to be in a relationship where you can’t “get your partner” to do what you need them to do, because if they won’t, you think you can’t ever be happy as long as you’re in relationship with them.
Demand Parenting works the same way. When you can’t get your kids to do what you need them to do–or when you let your kids run the household because you sure aren’t going to be a controller parent like you grew up with–it sucks!
Demand Parenting is the problem, not your parenting skills, not being a parent, and not your kids.
I really want you to hear me on this, because when you embrace that Demand Parenting is what you actually hate, and commit to stopping it, you get to be free!
How To STOP The Misery Of Demand Parenting
At this point you’re probably wondering how to stop doing Demand Parenting.
I wish I could give you a “neat trick” or “secret hack” to make it stop, but the truth is, it’s not that simple.
Demand Parenting is a society-wide problem, just like Demand Relationship is a society-wide problem. It’s been hardwired into us over generations, and even people who understand what it is often slip into it without even realizing it.
What I can give you, however, are a few steps to get you started.
Step 1: Forgive yourself if you’ve ever secretly hated being a parent.
You’re not a bad person, or a bad parent, for feeling that way. You didn’t even know what Demand Parenting was, much less learn how to make it stop. Beating yourself up over something you never learned because you didn’t know it existed is like beating yourself up for not speaking a certain foreign language. You didn’t know what you didn’t know!
Step 2: Recognize that your kids will be okay.
You haven’t ruined them for life. They’ll be okay, especially because kids have it better today than you did at their age. When I grew up, “how to be a good parent” wasn’t a thing. You just did it how you did it. Today’s kids have it much better in that regard, including yours, because there are so many great resources for parents!
Step 3: Implement Relationship Development® parenting, by learning and implementing Relationship Development.
Relationship Development is the proven relationship methodology Paul and I teach our students. It’s the only relationship methodology in the world with a 99% success rate (and only a 1% divorce rate).
Relationship Development works with your partner, but it’s not limited to your relationship with your partner. You can use it with friends, co-workers, employers, employees, and yes, with your kids!
When you parent from Relationship Development, parenting starts to be FUN. Your kids, in time, will talk to you about anything. Plus, you won’t have to exhaust yourself policing them all the time!
Paul and I raised our two kids with Relationship Development parenting, and we don’t have the teenage drama and rebellion most parents experience. Like the misery of parenting, teenage rebellion is a side effect of Demand Relationship!
To get started with Relationship Development, check out our 14-Day Boost to Your Relationship. During the Boost you’ll get tools to not only better understand and relate to your partner, you’ll also get tools you can use with your kids. Use them to start putting an end to the misery of Demand Parenting!
