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The Divided Life: Why Wholeness is the Secret to Business Success

The Divided Life: Why Wholeness is the Secret to Business Success by Dr. Minette Riordan | #AspireMag

I attended a workshop a few years ago called “The Courage to Lead” based on the teachings of Parker Palmer. His teachings changed how I approach my career and my life. In his book A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life, Parker Palmer claims that we have been living divided lives.  

He writes: 

Afraid that our inner light will be extinguished, or our inner darkness exposed, we hide our true identities and become separated from our own souls. We end up leading divided lives, far removed from our birthright wholeness. 

The divided life comes in many and varied forms. To cite just a few examples, it is the life we lead when: 

  • We refuse to invest ourselves in our work, diminishing its quality and distancing ourselves from those it is meant to serve 
  • We remain in settings or relationships that steadily kill off our spirit 
  • We hide our beliefs from those who disagree with us to avoid conflict, challenge, and change 
  • We conceal our true identities for fear of being criticized, shunned, or attacked 

Source: http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/healing-resistance/a-life-lived-whole 

Palmer’s work has taught me that until my inner life and my work in the world are fully integrated, I won’t be happy or achieve the success I claim to want. I will continue to chase dreams and ideas on a quest for meaning rather than creating a meaningful career that allows all of me to shine.  

I cannot be other than who I am. I cannot separate the wife, mother, artist, marketer, and coach. I cannot ignore or avoid the parts of building my business or healing myself that make me uncomfortable. I have to learn to trust myself to do them my way and I must have the courage to lead by sharing what I learn. This is my calling, my purpose and my vision. 

Hiding in Plain Sight 

Palmer writes that living a divided life causes us to conceal our true identities because we are afraid. I am good at finding ways to hide in plain sight. If you were to Google my name or connect with me on Facebook, you might think I am being very visible. Yet there are parts of myself that I have been hiding for years because I am afraid of not being enough. 

I was speaking with some clients recently about how important faith and belief are to our business success. If we don’t believe we will be successful, we won’t. As we were discussing this, I realized I have been living a divided life. I haven’t been hiding but I also haven’t been sharing or speaking about what I am struggling with. There is a clear gap separating my mind and my heart.  

Our Conflicting Emotions Get in the Way of Success 

People see me as confident, brave and successful. But I am also full of self-doubt, frustration and fear. Since my teenage years I have struggled with my weight. I currently weigh more than I ever have in my life. I am not proud of this fact; I feel ashamed. I have created a clear dividing line between my inner life and my outer life. One that says I am smart, capable and confident in the business world and in public. But in private? I have ignored, berated and judged myself for how I see myself in the mirror.  

When I am honest with myself I can see how this divided life has kept me playing small. Because I don’t feel confident inside, I don’t reach out in a bigger way like applying to speak at larger events and conferences or seeking out partnerships with others who are more successful than I am. I don’t want to do video or have new headshots taken because I am not happy with how I look.  

Recommitting to Wholeness 

Committing to wholeness and integration means committing to love all of me. This year my most important work is not my business. My most important work is loving myself – my whole self.  

I don’t need another diet or exercise plan. This is not about my physical body. This is about healing my relationship with myself. 

When I focus on loving my whole self, I believe that anything is possible. Over the past few years I have been gathering all the broken, shattered pieces of myself; putting them back together one bright shiny piece at a time. 

One of the ways I am focusing on self-love and healing my relationship with myself is through art and writing. I am writing love notes to myself almost every day.  

 

I Am Practicing Kindness 

I am practicing kindness 
Sunlight pouring through me 
To brighten my thoughts 
 
I see beauty in a hand 
Perhaps a toe 
Or a curl of hair 
 
I look longingly for 
Compassion in other parts 
Seek kindness for this belly 
 
These thighs that have 
Carried me for 53 years 
Without complaint 
 
I am practicing gazing 
Into the mirror of myself 
Swirling depths of disbelief 
 
Judgment and fear have been 
My constant companions 
Now kindness enters 
 
Lightness shines for 
A vibrant remembering 
I am whole 

 

I May Not Always Feel Wonderful 

I may not always feel wonderful 
Upon waking 
After meditating 
Or gazing at my reflection 
 
I may not always be able 
to see Grace 
To feel love 
To marvel at myself 
 
Some days are gray days 
Sad 
Colorless 
Silent 
 
And it’s okay 
I am okay 
Because I know 
There are other days 
 
And this day 
This gray 
This silence 
Is me too 

I have found writing these notes to be a spiritual balm to my broken spirit. There are days when I cannot feel the sunlight, when doubt lingers like the fog over the mountains outside my window. 

In these tense moments, I hold on to Palmer’s words of wisdom: 

“I pay a steep price when I live a divided life, feeling fraudulent, anxious about being found out, and depressed by the fact that I am denying my own selfhood. The people around me pay a price as well, for now they walk on ground made unstable by my dividedness. How can I affirm another’s integrity when I defy my own?”  

As a business coach who helps creative women entrepreneurs to build profitable businesses, I know how important integrity is. One definition of integrity is wholeness. Each day is a commitment to being in integrity with myself. Each day offers the chance to start fresh, to gather the fragments and to see my whole beautiful self. 

Write your own “I am” love note 

I encourage you to practice writing love notes to yourself. Perhaps you need to boost your confidence, shift your money mindset or commit to being more visible in your business. Try this simple daily love note practice for a few days or a few weeks.  

Gather your journal and favorite pen, find a few moments of solitude and take a deep breath. Write the words “I am” at the top of the page. Then fill in the blank with whatever occurs to you. These are love notes to you. What do you need to hear? 

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About the author 

Dr. Minette Riordan

Dr. Minette Riordan has been called a modern Renaissance woman. She is a lover of art, poetry and mythology and a complete geek who digs discussing business strategy. One of her core values is continuous improvement; she is a seeker, wanderer and adventurer who loves dragons and coffee. Most days you can find her supporting her creative clients to build profitable businesses. And on other days you can find her in her art studio covered in paint. To follow her creative journey visit www.MinetteRiordan.com

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