It’s common for an empath to feel overwhelmed and uncentered. The world moves in such a fast pace that life can feel full of dizzying tilt-a-whirl moments. An empath can get stuck on the constant ride of life and make excuses for why it is normal to feel exhausted, drained, and ungrounded, when the reality is it’s unhealthy for everyone. An empath can get stuck feeling like they are alone in their life path, afraid to ask for assistance for a variety of reasons.
It was a warm spring evening, and I was hosting a dinner party for friends. For weeks I had tirelessly planned my menu, and the week of the get together, I worked exhaustingly on cleaning the house, decorating, baking, cooking, and even putting together whimsical gift bags. By the time dessert was served, I was emotionally and physical exhausted, and ready for bed. My good friend Lila came up to me as I was doing the dishes.
“I wondered where you were. I thought maybe you decided to take a nap,” she joked, obviously picking up on my energy. She grabbed the dishtowel from my hand and gently pushed me towards the Great Room where everyone had gathered.
“I’ve got this,” she said, “Go sit down and rest.”
“No, no, no,” I protested. “You are the guest. It’s okay. I’ve got it.”
Lila gave me one of her infamous glares, and ignored my sacrificial pleas, continuing to do the dishes. “Kristy,” she started with a soft but stern tone, “just because you are a helper doesn’t mean you don’t need help. Next time, we each bring a dish to pass, or we chip in money to cater it. Not only are you allowed to enjoy time with friends, but we also want to enjoy time with you. Now go.”
I did as she asked, but I felt horribly guilty knowing she was cleaning up the mess.
The truth was, I wasn’t good about asking for help. I’d been disappointed before; rejected after previously asking for help. It became easier on my sensitive heart if I just did everything, then I wouldn’t get upset if someone disappointed me, or if someone else did it the wrong way, or it wasn’t the expectation I saw it to be. I also, in some warped way, saw my doing everything as a sort of unpaid job security. After Lila’s loving lecture, I realized I was experiencing empath fatigue and tuning more into my ego; spending my energy the wrong way and disallowing my own cup to be filled up.
3 Reasons Why Empaths Won’t Seek Help
- The Empath Fears Rejection – Empaths often assume that nobody is available to help. Sometimes this is from past requests not being fulfilled, but most of the time it is an unfair presumption, so the empath just stops asking. It can be hurtful being told no.
- The Empath Doesn’t Want to Be a Burden – An empath fears asking for help and might believe it shows weakness. Not wanting to be seen as a problem, they just don’t reach out.
- The Empath Doesn’t Want to Owe Anyone – An empath depletes their energy by caring for so many people that the thought of owing anyone else feels heavier than just doing everything themselves.
Many empaths aren’t good at asking for help because they believe they are the helpers; therefore, how can a helper seek out a helper?
3 Reasons an Empath Should Ask for Help
- Build Your Circle – Just as an empath feels fulfilled helping others, those that decide to help the empath feel fulfilled too. Those that continue to not be unavailable might just be a sign that they don’t belong in the circle.
- It is Strong to Ask for Help – Start off asking for help with minor things that might not be a big deal. Such as, ask someone to bring the chips to the party, and if they don’t or can’t, it’s not going to make or break your party.
- Receiving is Giving – Receiving is a humbling act of love just as much as giving is. It requires a healthy balance of life flow. As we receive, we also give.
Affirmations to Help Be Okay Receiving Help
- “When I ask for help, I strengthen my ability to help more people.”
- “When I’m overwhelmed, there are people within my circle I can count on to help me.”
- “Asking for help shows my inner strength and reminds me that I honor my energy.”
If you’ve encountered an imbalance by not asking for help, it will take time to feel it both powerful and necessary. Just know that as you continue to practice asking for help, it feeds the energy of gratitude which continues your mission of being a helper and asking for help yourself doesn’t diminish your light, it only brightens it. Oh, and the next party I hosted was catered. I felt so incredibly empowered, and had more fun because I wasn’t exhausted.
