Almost everyone has a “social vampire” in his or her life. Social vampires suck the energy out of you when you hang out with them, and make you feel icky when you leave. As part of my deep cleaning, I looked at all my relationships and thought about who made me feel good, supported and excited to be around. Who was dreaming big and interested in solving problems vs. talking about them? Those people who made me feel bad about myself, who didn’t support my goals or left me feeling cold and bored, I chucked to the curb. It seems harsh, but I had to find a way to keep my distance. I stopped returning their calls and slowly weaned them out of my daily life.
Many times social vampires find their victims when they are down and in the dumps. When I was depressed, the majority of my friends were substance abuse addicts, depressed and negative people. I wanted so much to be a positive influence that I tried to stay strong and remind all of them that it gets better if you just believe and stay positive. Misery loves company and eventually I found it easier to join the dark side and complain, judge, and worry about things that didn’t really matter. I joined forces because it was easier than going upstream and against the grain. Whenever I would provide a positive nugget they would laugh and say that I was naïve and stupid. I felt ashamed of myself, and didn’t realize that I was a becoming a product of my environment. I grew up a happy, positive girl, but the more I hung around with people who didn’t think highly of themselves and blamed the world for their problems, the more I lost myself. They wanted me to be like them, they wanted me to stay stuck in fear. My inner self kept screaming at me, “This is not you! You need to be yourself.” I broke away, and a group of them even started an “I hate Shannon” club. People who I thought cared about me suddenly began spreading rumors and hate messages about me. Through this process I had to realize that it doesn’t matter what other people think about you. As long as you follow your heart and you are being yourself, then you are living a life of integrity and honor. Part of making the most out of life is to dig deep into yourself, your life, and your dreams and uncover the areas that aren’t working as well as they could be. It starts with you looking inward. The people I called friends were not really my friends; they just felt safer when they had someone else to complain with. As soon as I removed myself from the toxic emotion sucking vampires, I found my productivity, self-esteem, and my opportunities expanded. My quality of life immediately bumped up and I felt more content and happy.
You may be wondering how on earth you are going to remove negative people if they are your best friends or family members. You can always do what I did. I set an intention at the beginning of each conversation. I said, “I will only hold space for happy, awesome thoughts.
I want to hear about the good things going on, your goals, and how I can help you reach them. The moment you complain or start to judge someone or something I will have to hang up.” Most of them got the message pretty quickly. What I noticed was that the “friends” who only wanted to gossip and talk dirt about their lives stopped calling me. They didn’t want to talk about goals and were more comfortable complaining about situations vs. trying to solve them and learn from them. The people who were inspired and interested in making the most out oflife called me more. Our relationships became so much more rich and fulfilling, just by sharing ourselves with each other and holding space for support, growth, and opportunity.
You may be asking who I surround myself with now. The people in my life are my power posse. They support me, lift me up, and challenge me to think even bigger. They always have my back, and I do the same for them. They take risks and show me what is possible in life. We have an opportunity in life to make every second fantastic and it starts with you and your friends. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and you will immediately see the quality of your life expand.
©2013. Shannon Kaiser. The above is an excerpt from Find Your Happy: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest.
