Summoning the Courage to Be Who We Are

Trusting ourselves allow us to summon the courage to be who we are. This takes letting go and embracing our vulnerabilities. Courage comes from the Latin word cor, which means “heart.” Courage sources deep within our hearts as self-acceptance, and self-compassion and acknowledges our vulnerabilities without escaping or distracting from them. It “encourages” us to engage in every life situation as an opportunity for our spiritual transformation.

According to Brené Brown, “Speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we are feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line.” Thus being courageous doesn’t necessarily mean performing feats of external bravery and strength but rather acknowledging our internal fears, hurts, and imperfections and boldly acting in the face of them. Trusting ourselves enough to let go and embrace our vulnerabilities is one of the most courageous choices we can make.

The following is another example of how trust in ourselves can give us the courage to be who we are. When I received the edited draft of my first book, Soul-Hearted Partnership: Creating the Ultimate Experience of Love, Passion, and Intimacy, I was ecstatic as it had taken ten years to summon the courage to share my writing with an editor. However, as I scanned the cover letter I felt my stomach lurch and my heart sink. Even though there was both positive and corrective feedback, I zeroed in on the corrective feedback, which I immediately perceived as negative. The ricochet of shameful thoughts began: “Who do you think you are, trying to write a book?” “You have nothing to share that people want to read,” and “You’re not a writer, so give up now.” Feeling disappointed in myself, I wanted to throw the marked-up pages in the fireplace and be done with it. Yet before making an impulsive choice that I might ultimately regret, I paused and checked in with myself, discovering from my strong emotional reaction that a tender insecure place had surfaced for me to embrace.

That night I lay coiled up in a fetal position on the cold tile bathroom floor feeling like I would never stop crying. I allowed the debilitating thought of “not being good enough” to unravel me. As I prayed, I beseeched God, asking, “Why is this happening to me and why now? I’ve tried so hard to do everything right.” Finally I gave myself permission to fall apart which felt like Alice in Wonderland falling down the rabbit hole. Then while in the grip of my pain I tapped into a well of courage deep within me, picked up the journal beside me, and wrote until I had thoroughly exhausted myself and my emotions.

The next morning I placed the edited draft in the freezer, believing this would take the negative energy from it and give me some healthy distance. While my draft was lying in the frozen Green Giant tundra for several days, I shared my vulnerable pain with my partner until I felt the weight lift from my heart. I needed to recognize my experiences as pathways to personal transformation and see that each one could show me how to trust myself and my connection to a divine source and that I would benefit no matter how dire and unpleasant the situation seemed at the time.

What I ultimately gleaned from this experience was: we can’t think or feel our way into becoming courageous-we must take action. Gradually, I started making the suggested corrections to the draft while letting go and embracing any vulnerability that surfaced. As I shared this experience with my editor, a supportive member of my energetic team, she lovingly said, “I think the world of you and am pleased that you’ve uncovered the value inherent in cryogenics.”

To develop our spiritual potential, we have to trust ourselves and courageously let go of all that inhibits our growth and the expression of our authentic selves. We must give ourselves permission to make mistakes, experience disappointment, acknowledge our failures, and create messes. As Anne Lamott writes in Bird by Bird, “Perfectionism is a mean frozen form of idealism while messes are the artist’s true friend. What people somehow forget to mention is that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here.”

Trusting ourselves to let go and embrace our vulnerabilities may not be neat and tidy; however, it puts us in touch with our authentic selves and the power in the universe that is our birthright. Trusting ourselves and letting go gives us the freedom to see our vulnerabilities and imperfections in a new light. Instead of feeling ashamed of them, we can then courageously embrace them to create new potential for loving ourselves and others. Trusting ourselves and letting go is the ultimate vulnerability. To trust ourselves is to love ourselves even when we feel unlovable, to make loving choices for ourselves even when we feel unworthy, and to open ourselves to love even when we are afraid of being hurt. It permits us to participate fully in life without holding back any part of ourselves.

Here are a few heart-centered practices to summon the courage to be who you are:

• Create an energetic support team consisting of people who love, support, listen to you, and encourage you to embrace your vulnerabilities without judging, enabling, or commiserating. Share your vulnerabilities with someone on your energetic team.

• In a safe environment, share an intimate story with someone you trust, even if you feel shame or hurt. Face any fear or vulnerability that surfaces.

• Observe your physical or emotional reactions in uncomfortable situations from a more expansive, spiritual perspective to determine what your reactions are telling you about your vulnerabilities and any unresolved pain. Identify the types of situations that cause feelings of vulnerability by asking yourself: “What is the energy in my body telling me about myself?” “What person or situation makes me feel vulnerable?” “What is the person or situation showing me about the origin of my underlying pain?” Discuss the sources of the pain that triggered any reactions with a supportive friend or therapist, by journaling, or through self-reflection.

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