Self-Care and self-love have taken center stage in the world of transformation over the past couple of years. The way it is primarily introduced and recommended is with an emphasis on; taking time for yourself, having healthy boundaries, soaking in the tub, taking the afternoon off, going for a walk, getting a massage, etc.
This is all fabulous advice and very true. I mean, who wouldn’t love some time to themselves for some type of self-care? I am here to share with you that there is so much more to it than this.
Life is an ongoing evolution of transformations with change being the only constant. Change meaning- yes, things change, but also our conscious efforts to incite change so that we may step into the next amazing version of ourselves. This means the good elevating bits along with the sticky, even gloomy bits.
Let’s start first, with getting clear on the fact that self-care and self-love, though commonly used interchangeably, are not the same thing.
You can have self-care with little-to-no self-love, but you cannot have self-love without self-care.
Self-care is taking time to care for yourself to tend to your needs and desires. However, self-care does not equal self-love.
Self-care isn’t a to-do though it oftentimes involves an act or a to-do in which we reward ourselves.
Self-care is more than this, it’s a practice, a dedication to yourself that leads to self-love. (And, it’s totally normal to engage in acts of self-care as a to-do until it builds itself naturally into a practice. You’ve got to start somewhere!)
Self-care as a practice leads to self-love. Like following a map if-you-will; a treasure-hunt even.
Self-love isn’t an escape from your feelings or the world- it’s a retreat to self. When this feeling of wanting to escape, to get away from reality surfaces, it is time to schedule a sacred conversation with you, yourself and you, and retreat.
This retreat to self is all-encompassing. It means that sometimes the greatest act in loving yourself is caring enough to hold space for the feelings that aren’t so great and are vying for your attention, not just the- I want to chill, I want to relax, I want to celebrate- feelings.
Yes, I am talking about the emotions you run away from, the emotions you fear and the emotions you keep putting off for another day; the sticky and gloomy bits.
Self-love is giving yourself permission to be fully raw and vulnerable while simultaneously being compassionate and fully accepting of the rawness. – uncomfortable, or not, full of fear and doubt, or not.
No shiny objects required. No big to-do’s or grand gestures necessary.
Self-love is YOU BEing fully and UNAPOLOGETICALLY PRESENT, IN-THE-NOW, for YOU, YOURSELF & YOU because you are worth it.
In other words, self-love is BEing fully present and getting real with yourself. This means that it isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
A soak in the tub or a walk on the beach aren’t going to cut it when what you need is a good cleanse-your-soul cry to cleanse your mind, body, spirit and soul or a scream out loud into your pillow release. No, those acts are for rejuvenating yourself after the cry, after the reflection, after becoming super-duper crystal clear on what you need to release.
Just as light cannot exist without darkness, sunshine and rainbows don’t appear without there first being rain.
You cannot expect transformation to happen without first identifying what is calling for the transformation (rain clouds), allowing yourself to feel all the feels (the rain), allow new clarity to come through (sunshine after the rain) which then leads (rainbow) to new state of BEing/new you (pot of gold at the end of the rainbow).
You may be asking, “Just how do I do this retreat to self and love myself through the storm?”
- Acknowledge that you are in need of sacred space & time in order to retreat to self.
- Give yourself permission to carve out time for this retreat- an hour, an afternoon, a day, even a weekend.
- Schedule the time and show up for yourself.
- Have a journal and pen at hand along with water, tea or juice and some tissue is always handy.
- Get as physically comfortable as you can, call in your guides for support, tune into that part of you that is hurting, angry &/or frustrated, and listen to everything she has to say.
- Allow the emotions to flow. As uncomfortable as they may be, you are releasing so much more than you think. Each tear, each sound represents exponential emotions that have compressed and built up over time.
- Move that pen over the paper. At any time and maybe throughout this entire retreat to self. Whether you are scribbling, sketching, doodling, listing, or writing; let it flow. No one ever needs to read or see this, no one is going to grade or judge it and you can tear it up or burn it after. This means of putting pen to paper is a powerful way of clearing energy and reaching what has been hiding away in your subconscious.
- When you feel you are complete, at least in the moment, this is when a bath/shower/swim is most beneficial to help you clear and rejuvenate. A walk or time in nature is also great for this.
- Be sure to thank yourself for taking this time with and for yourself and then, thank and release your guides.
Loving yourself through it means slow down and take care of yourself. Here are some ways to further support your spirit & soul before, during & after your retreat to self:
- Unplug-take the time you need to stay away from your normal routine to allow yourself the space to BE.
- Don’t try to add anything to your to-do list.
- Stay well hydrated.
- Even if you aren’t hungry, eat-something small and healthy.
- Rest- even if you can’t sleep, resting is VERY beneficial.
- Write/Journal.
- Connect with nature. Its healing properties are beyond measure and the resources it has are endless.
- Laughter, another healer with boundless reach. Whether you plop on a comedy, do a laughing yoga class, or go out with that side-splitting friend, laughter always makes you feel better.
Be gentle with yourself afterwards. You have taken yourself through a transformation, that doesn’t mean the old habits magically disappeared. Remain mindful of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Before you know it, you’ll be better than new!
Love yourself unconditionally- whether it’s cloudy and storming or sunshine & rainbows that is where you’ll find the treasure.
