As women, we often put everyone else ahead of ourselves. We are last on our list. When we don’t put our self-care front and center, we leave no energy for the others we want to help. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Toss the notion that self-care is selfish. It is step one in self-preservation and living an inspired and joyful life. Why should you be satisfied merely surviving when you can thrive?
While navigating a life transition, a large change in our lives whether our choice or one foisted upon us, our world is upended, and nothing seems familiar. We feel like we have lost our identity, lost our way in the world. Self-care helps us heal and find ourselves.
The Four Aspects of Our Lives
There are four major aspects of our lives: physical, emotional, spiritual, and social. It is incumbent to make sure that we fill ourselves with those activities, people, and thoughts that enrich each of those areas.
Self-care is different for each woman. It doesn’t have to cost lots of money, or any at all. It does require some time to think about what nourishes each of those areas of your life and then incorporate at least one thing into each day. If finding time is difficult, start with 15 minutes a day. As you begin to see your spark return, add more time. Get bold, plan full days or even weeks of self-care.
Stay in the present moment instead of thinking about the what ifs of the past or future. The only moment we have is now. Make the most of it. Cherish it, all its ups and downs.
Physical: To help us become even a little bit happy, we need to move; physically move. It doesn’t matter what you do. A simple smile, even at nothing, does wonders to boost the serotonin levels in your bloodstream. Move your body to unstick the grief hiding in your body. Walk, dance, even sing. Listen to your body. What is she telling you to do?
It doesn’t matter where you walk. You can walk outdoors in nature; take your dog for a walk (they’ll love you for it, and if you don’t have one you can borrow a neighbor’s or walk dogs at your local shelter). If the weather isn’t conducive many shopping malls are open before the stores for people to come in and walk. Often people go for coffee after in the food courts. After a few times, you will start to recognize some of the other walkers and perhaps even make friends.
One of my favorite self-care rituals is something we do daily, although we rarely take time to savor it. It’s either a bath or a shower. For true self-care, turn your bathing into a ritual with soothing music, candles, a nice bath bomb, or salts (they make ones for showers). Spend extra time relaxing. After bathing take the time to slather your body with your favorite moisturizer. Don’t forget to drink plenty of water and hydrate yourself from the inside too.
It’s also great for your skin.
Emotional: When we work on our emotional health it can improve our physical health and vice versa. One of my favorite self-care practices for my emotional self is gratitude. Each day, and most nights, I grab a journal (it can also be done on a computer in a Word file) and write down 3-5 things, people, events, or specific things I am grateful for that day. I try to write different things each day and specifically what about them I’m grateful for. Some days all I’ve written was, “I am grateful for air to breathe and a bed to sleep in.” That’s perfectly alright. The more you are grateful for, the more you’ll be grateful for. This practice helps our mind focus on the positives.
I love affirmations. Affirmations need to feel real and possible. Each morning after my gratitude journal, I read my affirmations out loud. I try to change them around every week or two, so they don’t feel repetitive or get stale. If I try one and find it is too much of a stretch, I will rewrite it so it seems achievable. Affirmations start with, “I am” and are written in the present tense as if they have already happened. You are writing this to manifest your future self so start by thinking about where you want to be or who you wish to become. For example, “I am a thriver. I successfully brave my life transition and am stronger now. I see there are lessons in it for me.”
Spiritual: Spiritual does not mean religious. It encompasses the practices that soothe your soul. Religion may or may not be part of it. Figure out how where you can find brief spaces in your day to escape and recharge.
Meditation is a wonderful self-care strategy. I’m not talking about sitting on the floor crossed-legged and chanting ohm…that’s fine if it works for you; for many of us it doesn’t. I can never sit quietly and still for more than a few seconds. What works for me is listening to a guided meditation where someone is telling me what to imagine. There are many available apps for your phone like Calm or Chopra. Find ones where the voice is soothing to you, and you enjoy. Start off slowly and increase as you wish.
Grounding exercises are great. If you are in a warm climate, go outside, find a nice patch of grass, take off your shoes and socks, and feel the sturdy, supportive ground beneath your feet. If the weather isn’t conducive to being outside, you can sit in a chair and feel your feet on the floor. Feel your bottom sitting on a supportive chair or floor. Get connected. Notice how the earth or floor is a constant stable place. Imagine there are roots from your feet into the earth. Breathe deeply and slowly – 4 counts in, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, and hold. Repeat until you feel the tension leave your body.
Listen to a spiritually moving podcast, an inspirational book or music. Hearing or reading inspiring words and music are soul soothing.
Social: When grieving, one of the first things we toss aside is usually our social interactions. We don’t feel inclined to be around others who might be happy especially after a loved one’s death. However, being in a social environment helps alleviate loneliness. Join a group. It can be a grief support group or a group of people with common interests like books or a sport. Volunteer at an animal shelter or for a cause you believe in or as a museum docent. The important this is to get out of your own head for a while.
I love the idea that doing something for someone else is self-care. Invite a friend for lunch or a movie. Read to someone in a nursing home or day care center. Offer to bring someone to medical tests. Ask someone else what’s going on in their life, and listen.
During a life transition, we feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under us. We don’t know who we are anymore. Our identity has been thrown out. By tuning into the above four areas and treating yourself with grace and kindness, and focusing on self-care you will begin to see change. Stay in the present. Feel your emotions. Cry, grieve, and scream. Allow yourself to feel hope and joy too. It’s very common to experience opposing emotions at the same time. Allow and breathe.
