You’re glowing!” is a blush-worthy compliment that extends beyond one’s complexion and is often associated with notable moments like being pregnant, working out, falling in love, or getting a pampering facial. Yet I believe that a lit-from-within quality also comes from living the most authentic expression of our radiant selves. When we become one with our essence, aka our soul or inner being, our inner beauty beams from our pores and radiates into every part of our lives.
Connecting to one’s soul is the most important relationship goal that we will ever have. When we do this, we begin choosing authenticity over approval, which is true freedom. We thrive and bask in the beauty of alignment, confidence, clarity, and self-love. Contrary to what most people think or may try to tell you, this is not narcissism; it’s the kind of love for yourself that overflows from within—an abundant, radiant light source—and enriches the lives of others, too.
Once you discover and enjoy a whole relationship between you and your inner being, every other relationship falls into place. The vibrancy of our attention and curiosity burst open our joie de vivre. This ignites our radiance, and before we know it, an entire room.
Lit-from-Within” Love
My mom’s very wise words, “Treat your skin like the most expensive silk on earth,” can be applied to the internal process of finding your authentic radiance. When we are soft, gentle, and kind to ourselves, we allow ourselves to be raw, intimate, and vulnerable. When I went through the journey to discover this myself, what emerged was an inner essence that felt warm and loving.
It wasn’t always this way, however. There was a time when I did not like being with myself. When I was alone, there were a lot of cold, harsh thoughts: “Work harder, do better, succeed more.” These voices came from my upbringing, the need for society’s approval, and self-imposed judgments. I turned to career distractions to block it all out, but the more achievements and possessions I amassed, the more my inner light dulled and dimmed.
The rituals brought my inner being back to life and have sustained my radiance and vibrancy. The secret lies in connecting to our essence every day and igniting our desires and passions. To do this in my own life, I began “dating” myself by scheduling Radiance Rituals and Radiance Retreats into my planner and treating them like real dates with a friend or lover. I also had exploration playdates with my passions, interests, and curiosities. I created, enjoyed, relished, engaged, and connected with myself in a way that I never had before. I began engaging with my surroundings and became immersed and present—breathing, savoring, and appreciating.
These moments alone were a doorway to unlocking the mysteries of my soul. They helped me to understand myself, my relationships, and the world around me. Even so, I didn’t intellectualize the journey that much; I allowed myself to simply savor what I called “delicious moments”—and got out of my head and into my body. Through it all, the hardest part for this overachiever and overdoer was not pushing or trying so hard. At first, it felt like I was wasting
time and being “lazy” by not constantly working and instead enjoying things like cooking and meditating. What’s more, I worried about “losing my edge.” If I didn’t constantly work under pressure, stress, and duress, would I still be able to achieve success? But basking in the realm of play felt so good, warm, and fun that I enjoyed it more and more as time went on. There was an irresistible force that inspired me to do more to discover and be with my inner essence.
What happened next was nothing short of a miracle: over time, I went from self-loathing to self-loving. I began enjoying solitude because the inner sanctuary that I created felt nourishing and soothing. People started commenting on my “glow,” “halo,” and “aura”; they wanted to be around this radiant energy, and surprisingly, I now liked being around myself, too. Instead of giving to loved ones from an empty cup, I gave from one that was overflowing (we’ll talk more about this in later chapters, so you can do it, too). The “lit-from-within” love that I gave myself reflected in the relationships all around me. And then that love came back full circle to me.
Oh, and those worries about losing my edge? The contrary happened: a floodgate of creativity, inspiration, and sustainable success opened up instead. And this time it was different. Instead of furrowed brows and struggles, there was a juicy abundance that flowed with ease and little effort. Instead of aging through the process, it was as if I’d found the real fountain of youth; I felt lighter and looked younger than ever.
Ready to get lit from within? Let’s ignite your inner glow.
Radiance Rituals
“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.” — Audrey Hepburn
Imagine if we relinquished the idea of growing old with all of its negative associations of getting tired, wrinkly, and frail. And imagine if the fountain of youth could be found within yourself. I’ve discovered this through Radiance Rituals, the grounding practices that illuminate our inner beauty, brilliance, and balance. They’re the most radical, deep, and loving care that we can actively give ourselves. When we punctuate our days with simple-yet-meaningful rituals, we express natural beauty from our soul that allows us to feel blissful and look radiant. The light of bliss imparts a glow that others notice—that attractive and charming “je ne sais quoi” quality.
Infusing our days and nights with Radiance Rituals gets us in touch with our authentic beauty and nourishes us from the inside out. It’s self-restoration by way of rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation. These rituals give us the space to dive below the skin to find our joie de vivre.
We can ritualize anything in life by infusing our days, weeks, months, and years with meaningful activities: savoring our morning coffee while enjoying the rich aroma and warm cup in our hands, turning the shower into a spa sanctuary with candles and oxygenating plants, elevating our beauty routine, practicing yoga in a sacred space, or simply watering a flower that makes us happy. It’s about the energy we infuse into these routines that elevates them into Radiance Rituals. We can do these rituals disconnected from our spirit, or we can choose to access our radiant life force as we move through each one. The difference is in the attention and intention that we give to each endeavor, enjoying and savoring the moments.
Here’s how I elevate activities from routine chores to Radiance Rituals:
- Affirmations: I like to say a simple and profound statement to raise my vibration, like, “I see bliss and beauty everywhere.”
- Senses: I enjoy activating sensory experiences, whether by smelling essential oils for an aromatherapy benefit, listening to baroque music on a Sunday morning, or savoring afternoon tea and treats with friends.
- Space: Creating time and a beautiful space for rituals makes it a unique experience. For example, I cleanse and hydrate my face every night before bed (time), and my bathroom has a beauty altar with crystals and candles.
- Gratitude: I believe that what you’re grateful for grows. I like to end each ritual with silent appreciation: “I am grateful for _______”; or “I appreciate _______”; or I love _______.”
- Vibration: Everything around us is energy, and I like to elevate my rituals with high-vibrational people (those with positive intentions and qualities you admire) and things. For example, having an amethyst roller, which promotes serenity and calm, elevates my facial massage ritual for a neck-to-scalp massage.
Photo credit: Lisa Marie Mazzucco lisamazzucco.com
From RADICAL RADIANCE: 12 Weeks of Self-Love Rituals to Manifest Abundance, Beauty, and Joy by Angela Jia Kim. Copyright © 2022 by the author and reprinted with permission of St. Martin’s Publishing Group.
