Our lives are full and busy. In this, go-go-go world, communication has gone to texts, private messages and emails. Whether we like it or not, that is the way things have evolved. Texts, message, emails Oh My!
I have recently entered the world of texting. I had avoided it for many, many years. I declared that people had alternative ways of getting in touch with me and they could use them. I believed that texting created more dis-connect than connection. So, why did I?
Alas, resistance is futile. It was creating more discomfort than I desired in my life and I discovered it’s easy. And, it was a way to connect to those teenagers in my life who live by it.
Texting is easy. It’s quick and efficient. A time needs to shift for a meeting? A quick text will do that. AN update on where you are meeting? Sure, a text is simple. Want to send a quick insight before you lose it in the thousands of thoughts you have each day. Text away! At a conference trying to find someone? A text will do the trick!
But, how do I really feel about it?
I hate it for a variety of reasons. It’s distracting and takes away from life’s precious moments and can be grossly interpreted if you try to have a deeper discussion.
Recently, I was spending the day with a friend. Her daughter sent her a text at lunch time. It had emoticons of excitement and happiness. She had received a grade way above what she had thought she would get. Her mom was thrilled and texted back her excitement. When her daughter arrived home from school, her mom commented on it and said how proud she was and how happy she must be. The daughter barely acknowledged it saying “I already told you that.” By dinner time, it was not even discussed.
These two lost what is powerful. The human connections of expressions on faces, hearing their messages in their voices and not fully engaging in the exchange.
At a workshop, I was continually distracted by the woman who was busy texting away (no she was not taking notes.) her dep sighs of exasperation did not align with the content. This did not allow her to be fully present to the topic and it was hard for others around her to be so too.
Consider the texting with a friend, you have rapid texts back and forth. You say something important and, poof, there’s no response. What happened? Is she mad? Did you say something wrong? Probably not, what happened is a TV show began, a phone call came in, she was busy fixing dinner or, worse, she got caught up in another texting-conversation! Texting like this can cause undue stress on any situation.
Texts that multi-task create confusion in conversation. There’s the text that because you are messaging quickly back and forth with a few people actually gets sent to the wrong person! How much confusion and challenge can that bring?!
Why is this such an issue for me? Recently, it came full circle.
I was having a text-conversation between myself and a good friend. Truth be told, I was also trying to read. It was a slow Sunday morning and I was savoring this but my friend seemed to need support too. Yes, sadly, I was multi-tasking and not doing either well. I was not present to either my book or my friend.
At some point, I became defensive on a point in the topic. She was attempting to tell me something about a plan I had. She was trying to hold me accountable to my purpose and passion. In her mind’s eye, her thoughts were on point. I was trying to, without much success, explain that I had spent much time gaining clarity on my next best steps and that I was comfortable and confident in them. But, because I was multi-tasking, was not communicating this very clearly.
After some time of this, the temperature of the text-conversation became heated. Seriously? I knew that the momentum back and forth did not allow for me to fully express myself and she was holding me accountable to it. I knew that neighbor of us was fully focused on the conversation and this was doing a huge disservice to our friendship. I chose to stop the text conversation and pick up the phone!
This brings me to the loss of cultivating deep and meaningful connections. People are relying on this mode of communication far too often. It’s easy. It’s easier to have text-communication than to have heart to heart centered conversations that bring deeper connections.
Do I see the value in texts? Yes, absolutely I do. I also see the need for understanding when to use them for that value and when using them for deeper connection simply is not possible.
Humans crave connection. We crave heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul time with one another to be heard and supported; to listen and to support. It’s the key ingredient to compassionate understanding, joy and love.
So, I’ll stick to the hand-written love note in my husband’s lunchbox. I’ll stick to the phone chat or even Skype tea chat with a dear friend. Better yet, I’ll create time to visit face-to-face with dear friends and family for that soul to soul and heart to heart connection that is what we all crave in life.
