Are you choosing to live life in your shadow? Often, we don’t realize how often we dim our lights rather than show our gifts to the world. It just sort of happens as life happens. Expectations are laid down at work, at home, through culture and religion. Slowly and unknowingly, you are defined by those expectations and the real you is relegated to live in the shadows out of fear of judgment by others and yourself.
Our shadow is created by our fears, expectations and judgments. When these fears, expectations and judgments are fed by your thoughts and actions, your shadow retreats further inside and your light continues to dim. You begin to feel lost and anxious, searching for something more to fulfill and complete you.
I understand, I have walked in your shoes. Almost a year ago, I began my self-discovery journey and here is what I learned. The real you is in there, waiting for you to release her to the world once again! Once you do, your life will never be the same again!
I asked if you are choosing to live in your shadow. Choose is the key word! When you realize you have the power to change and make different choices, you experience freedom of your soul! This is the first step on your path to self-discovery, congratulations!
As women, we have been led to believe that we are Super Woman and if we can’t live up to those expectations, we are damaged and no good to anyone. Time to remove this thinking from our mind. After all, who decided this fate for us and what makes them the expert?
How awesome would it feel to admit you aren’t Super Woman, you are not perfect nor do you want to be? Imagine the freedom of being able to spend a Saturday doing exactly what you pleased rather than what you feel you should be doing? Impossible, right? And selfish! And maybe your nose is scrunched up, judging me right now and wondering how I could be writing this. Remember, I am a recovering perfectionist, people pleaser. I have said and done these things myself!
It’s not impossible to enjoy your life on your terms. Again, you have the power to make these choices. The only person holding your shadow prisoner is you! The person you allow the world to see out of fear of judgment is not the real you. Allow the beautiful you to come out of hiding, shine your light and experience freedom and happiness like a child!
Here are a few self-care tips to get started reclaiming you! A little tough love coming your way…❤️
- Ask for help! Make a list of five people that you can count on to help you, regardless. As women, this is our biggest flaw. We hate asking for help yet feel resentful when no one helps! We make it impossible for others because we don’t communicate, they should just know, right?! Stop being stubborn and communicate your needs! This alone is priceless. Here’s something to think about. You ask your kids to clean their rooms. They don’t do it to your satisfaction. Consider this, have you ever really shown them how to clean their room? Ponder this question for awhile…
- Take a leap of faith and test the waters. Spend an hour each evening and read that book that’s been sitting by your bed for months or try that new hobby. Did the world stop because you took this time for yourself?
- Relinquish some control. There are people that want to help but you need to loosen up a little. No one does it as great as you do, I understand! But really, errands are just errands, no need for perfectionism here. Remember, things like grocery shopping, cleaning, running errands simply need to be done, it’s not rocket science and no one is going “die” because they picked up the wrong type of bread. Next week, they will do better!
- Spend some time writing in a journal after you have done a few of these things. How did you feel before you gave yourself this permission? Maybe hesitant? How did you feel during your self-care act? Selfish? Anxious? How about after? Refreshed? Worried?
Don’t give up on self-care after your first try because most likely, you will want to. Your ego will be harsh on you at first, reminding you of grocery shopping or cleaning or whatever it is you “should” be doing. You may feel anxious or selfish. However, as you begin to lean into that discomfort, you will start to enjoy the process and look forward to it. Hopefully, the real you will begin to emerge.
Once you come out of the shadows, “flip the bird” at fear, expectations and judgment, at least for a few minutes every day, see how life begins to open up! You experience life in the present moment, rather than focusing on worry and regret. Self-care becomes a non-negotiable and necessary to nourish your mind, body and soul. New possibilities will open up once control and expectations are relinquished. For example, maybe your kids or your husband really enjoys grocery shopping or running the errands. Let them! It’s a win win.
Remember, the power and choice belong to you. Those are your real super powers, now use them!
