We live in a world full of emotional stimulation. If we don’t react, we are considered cold and unhealthy. If we do react, we are labeled hysterical and too emotional. I am not sure where to land. In all of the mixed messaging (a good portion of which is happening inside my head), I have learned one thing.
Don’t take anything personally.
Each one of us has a deep well of connection to our stories. That programming is what drives us and forms the experience we have here in this incarnation. The uniqueness of each human perspective is beautiful and daunting—all at the same time. But the difference between us translates to never knowing why or how someone is going to react or handle any given situation. Even those people that you think you know really well can be a wild card.
AND…. spoiler alert!
It’s never about how you look, what you said or who you are. It is always about the other person’s lens through which they experience the world, compounded by their own projections. It’s not you, it’s me… well, it really is!
Every human has a history of trauma that swirls together creating their unique recipe of perception and reaction. You can’t anticipate exactly how someone is going to process any experience, in any given moment. You can only be as clear as possible in your communication and exhibit empathy and kindness.
The underlying theory here is rubber and glue and in the projection of most interactions, it is totally true. A few days ago, I was super grumpy and of course the people closest to me get to see that up close and personal. So, my husband asked me what he had done to upset me. But honestly, it wasn’t him. (He clearly needs to read my work more closely.)
It was actually a feeling I had of insecurity stemming from the deep ancestral healing I have endeavored recently. All of the traumas I have been healing culminated in deep fear and insecurity working its way to the surface leaving me in a not so favorable mood.
This phenomenon happens far more than we are aware of. When someone says something to you (anything, really) it can trigger a memory that you aren’t aware of or activate a program that is not aligned with the life you are living, and it can be deeply disconcerting. Most humans don’t have conscious control over these reactions and projections. This is where people lash out at others, express aggressive behaviors, or any number of trauma responses. As the outsider seeing this behavior, it seems that our first thought is that we caused this. Two things are critical here: 1) It’s never about the interaction you just had, alone; and 2) The power to create, cultivate and manage reactions never lies outside the person who is expressing the reaction.
I always remind my clients that I don’t keep their baggage. I already have plenty of my own. And so do you, so let others keep their emotions and triggers, while you maintain the integrity of clear and kind communication. This practice will help limit the amount of drama and strife to what your soul has contracted to experience in this lifetime. You can also stop and check in with yourself when you aren’t sure if it’s yours or someone else’s. If you have a hard time hearing the answer to this question, keep a pendulum available and check in with that.
As you go about your day in integrity, allow in the idea that it’s not personal, it’s always about the other person’s inner stuff. Grant others the compassion they need, in every interaction you have throughout the day. It will come back to you exponentially!
