Interacting with family is one of the most difficult parts of the holidays for most people. It seems like there’s no shortage of things to fight about, am I right?
Half the family wants to eat in the living room and watch TV, while the other half thinks everyone should be sitting together at the table with no devices.
Aunt Suzy is on a diet and won’t eat what everyone else is eating, and you wonder, “Is she going to stick with it this time? Is she judging me because I’m on my 3rd slice of pumpkin pie?”
Anytime family and friends get together, the mix of personalities and different views may lead to kerfuffle, but it seems to get worse during the holidays!
To help our students successfully navigate holiday gatherings, Paul and I teach a tool called the Yellow Brick Road. Here’s how it works…
You’ve probably seen the movie, “The Wizard of Oz.” In the movie, Dorothy follows the Yellow Brick Road to get to the land of Oz.
In real life, everyone on this planet has an Oz, meaning something they’re trying to get to. It could be a goal, an outcome, your calling, your purpose, and so on.
Everyone is also on their own Yellow Brick Road, navigating the obstacles one square at a time to reach their own personal Oz. This includes you, your partner, family, friends, kids, co-workers–literally everyone.
No two Yellow Brick Roads are alike, because no two people are alike. No one else on this planet is wired like you, and you’re not wired like anyone else, which means no one else on the planet will ever make the exact same choices you would in their shoes.
I really want you to hear me on this, because many times the kerfuffles we have with our friends and family happen because we’re evaluating what they’re doing, saying, thinking, and being, and then judging all that against ourselves!
We experience the differences between them and us, and unconsciously go straight into deciding that “one of us is right and one of us is wrong, and I’m not going to be wrong.”
The truth is, neither of you is wrong. You’re just different! Completely different Oz’s and completely different Yellow Brick Roads. Instead of judging and being frustrated by their different choices, choose to place yourself in the seat of the observer, and simply notice what’s happening. As in, “Oh, they’re on a totally different Yellow Brick Road than me. That’s interesting.”
It doesn’t mean you have to understand, or even relate to, their choices or behaviors!
All it means is that you’ll save yourself enormous amounts of stress, tension, and kerfuffle if you simply recognize they’re on their own Yellow Brick Road, and it’s up to them–not you–which square they’re on.
This holiday season, when you’re around family and friends and feel yourself getting triggered into kerfuffle, use this two-step process to bring yourself immediate peace:
- Take a deep breath in and remind yourself that everyone–including everyone involved in the kerfuffle–is different from you. They’re on their own Yellow Brick Road, on the way to their own Oz, and it’s okay.
- Next, remind yourself that you aren’t here to judge, evaluate, or compare your Yellow Brick Road to theirs. Their Yellow Brick Road isn’t wrong just because it’s not yours, and yours isn’t wrong just because it’s not theirs. Everyone’s Yellow Brick Road just is.
When you stop, step back into the seat of the observer, and simply notice what’s happening, instead of judging, evaluating, or comparing, kerfuffles stop before they even start you’re able to be truly present! You’re able to truly enjoy and happily interact with the unique personalities and perspectives of everyone you spend time with. It’s absolutely freeing!
It’s a lot more fun than tying yourself into knots over what they’re doing, saying, or being that you don’t understand or agree with!
Give yourself the gift of using this Yellow Brick Road tool to navigate the holidays, and any gathering where other people are present, including your own day-to-day household.
If you’d like tools and strategies to master the skill set of relationship, so you can thrive in any social setting (as well as in your love relationship), get started at www.relationshiptransformers.com!
