It was 2009 and Paul and I were in the middle of the financial crisis that hit so many people between 2008 and 2010. We were both consultants at the time (me in tax and him in tech) and in 2008, there was a consultant-freeze that affected most corporations.
In one week, Paul and I had most of our contracts frozen and we were effectively “out of work”. It was a tough time, for sure, but not the toughest challenge we’ve navigated together.
One morning, as Paul was taking our son to preschool, our little boy asked him, “Daddy, what’s divorce?”
Paul tried to remain calm, of course, and replied, “Buddy, where did you hear that word?”
Our son went on to explain that his friend in preschool was crying yesterday because his parents are getting a divorce and that means that his daddy won’t be sleeping in the house anymore at night.
Our son said to Paul, “I don’t want to get one of those divorces, Daddy, because I need you to sleep in your room, near mine, every night.”
Paul fought back tears, knowing that if I hadn’t single-handedly saved our relationship a few years back, that fate could very well have been our own son’s as well.
Paul reassured our son and told him that divorce cannot happen to us.
Paul came home that day and told me that he felt called… that WE must do something to help people like those parents.
“If they just knew what you figured out, Stacey, then those boys could be sleeping down the hall from 2 parents tonight instead of trying to figure out how to live bouncing from house to house, always missing one of their parents!”
That was the beginning of what is now Relationship Development. Our entire mission, 14+ years of helping thousands of people around the world, saving countless families, serving loads of children… was BORN during a time when the economy was causing so much stress and pain for so many families.
And yet, during the same time, that so many couples were at each other’s throats, fighting and blaming and unraveling under the stress of the job-loss and financial pressure… Paul and I were rock-solid as a team, facing the challenges TOGETHER and creating something that would transform countless lives for many years to come.
You DO have a choice during times of turmoil.
You can fall farther down the downward spiral, blaming, fighting and unraveling at the seams…
Or you can strengthen your bond, face the challenges together as a team, support each other, love each other, grow and ascend through the changing times.
There are a few keys to having a rock-solid relationship during challenging times vs ending up with your relationship dying as a casualty of the conflict.
Key #1: Don’t Make an OUTSIDE Problem an INSIDE Problem
The outside world can be tough. There are times in life that are brutal. Losing a job, losing a loved one, a challenging time for one of your kids, navigating stuff with aging parents… even huge global challenges adding stress.
There are tough times. We can’t pretend that they aren’t there.
BUT… when you allow the stress of the OUTSIDE world issues to result in you fighting with your partner, blaming your partner, tearing down your relationship… then you’ve just taken what WAS an OUTSIDE problem and turned it into an INSIDE problem.
DO NOT do that.
As they say so eloquently in the Hunger Games, “Don’t forget WHO the real bad guy is.”
If the challenge is the loss of job or stress at work or the horrible fires that tore through Los Angeles or the national crisis… don’t forget who the REAL bad guy is.
The real “bad guy” or problem is OUTSIDE your home. Your partner is NOT the bad guy.
Key #2: Turn Your HOME into Your Sanctuary
Your HOME, your marriage, your family… should be where you (and they) come to for certainty, support, kindness, love, harmony and peace!
Your relationships in your home should be what recharges you to go OUTSIDE to face the world. Those connections and that peace are what re-center you to be who you need to be to overcome the stressful times.
If you fight INSIDE your home AND OUTSIDE your home, too… that is too much for anyone to bear.
Just like you, Paul and I have navigated tough times in the almost 30 years that we have been together. Whether it was the financial crisis of 2009 where we were counting pennies each day to calculate what we could afford to feed our children… to me almost losing my life giving birth to our son!
Paul and I faced them TOGETHER as a team! We grew stronger together, each time we faced that outside stress. After almost 30 years together I will tell you this… if Paul is by my side, I can navigate ANY outside issue.
Key #3: Get the SKILL SET to create the rock-solid team and sanctuary you need
Don’t blame your partner for the lack of rock-solidness in your relationship or the lack of harmony in your home. If they had the skill sets to create it, they would have by now. The fact that you don’t yet have the skills to create it is not your fault. It’s not been taught before… but you can get it now.
Start today. Our book, The Missing Piece: A Proven Method to Single-Handedly Transform Your Relationship and Create Harmony in Your Home is available from Hay House in print, e-book and audiobook.
