Let’s face it. Life takes unexpected turns no matter how hard you try to control the circumstances. My family and I recently experienced a detour: My husband and I were anticipating an empty nest and had planned to leave our family home of 20 years and move hundreds of miles away from our sons.
I was so immersed in what I wanted to happen that I lost sight of what was “right” for me in the current moment. Although my sons were no longer going to be living with us, I realized they still needed us to be close, and nothing was more important to me than being available for them. Even though it meant losing a deposit on the new home, we ditched our moving plans.
When I realized that my need for a “desired outcome” in the future overtook my true priorities in the present, I felt an onslaught of negativity, anxiety, fear and doubt, which crippled me emotionally and physically for days. Not only that, I replayed every decision I made in my life and was left wondering about my choices.
During this time, I struggled with finding gratitude in my life. Gratitude, something I practiced daily, has always grounded me in the present. Yet I felt I had lost it all in one fell swoop! I was frightened and lost, down to my core. At this breaking point, my husband held me as I sobbed and said, “In the 32 years we’ve been together, I’ve never seen you so fragile. I’m scared.”
The deep concern I felt from someone I love so much reminded me that I have exactly what I need, that the moment is enough and I am enough. I forgot, for that moment, that gratitude is the antidote for any negative emotion. I needed to let go of what I thought would be and recognize what I had in front of me.
Gratitude is my GPS and I was lost without it. My husband’s gratitude and appreciation for me set my life back on course. I immediately immersed myself back into my gratitude practice. With the lemons that had destroyed my peace of mind earlier, I made lemonade – a precious gift of truly understanding the significance of gratitude during life’s challenges!
I was reminded that the Universe is in control and I could now be grateful for the challenges I faced. These challenges were actually guideposts, showing me the laws of synchronicity and to go with the flow rather than trying to control it. If I was “allowed” to control it, my decisions would have haunted me forever. The Universe has my back and reminded me that the more grateful I am, the more I see the world through eyes of trust and belief.
Feeling anxiety and doubt is very uncomfortable and we usually look for ways to mask these feelings through things like shopping, drinking, eating or other forms of self-sabotaging. We focus on conditional living, meaning when “this happens, I will be happy.” Neither gratification of desires nor conditional living are ways to live a fully present life. What I’ve found is that gratitude is the foundation for living in the present!
Here are three ways to take steps towards living a life of gratitude!
- Self-Care. This is first and foremost when doubt and fear surface. The three core components are 1) rest, 2) exercise and 3) eat healthy. I never realized the importance of self-care until life threw we a huge curve ball. In the past, I put my head down and plowed through whatever it was I was dealing with. I would always end up feeling more exhausted, crabby and out of synch with my life!This time, I practiced extreme self-care every day. I knew it was time to exercise when I could feel negative thoughts and energy creeping in my body. Rather than wish the feelings away, I have a way to deal with them in a way that nourishes me from the inside out.
- Reflection. Reflection doesn’t mean replaying the negatives, it means asking some tough questions and giving yourself the space to answer them, honestly. This is the time to stop being the victim and realize there are choices. Here’s a few of my favorite questions.What can this experience teach me?
What led me here? What can I learn for the next time?
How can I be grateful for this experience and why? Reflecting on my situation, I was so grateful for the opportunity to not make a decision I would regret! My ego kept reminding me that I almost made a really bad decision and kept me on a negative loop of stress and anxiety. Focusing on what I was grateful for helped me find peace in my situation and stopped the loop. - Learn to listen. Learn to tell the difference between fear talking or your heart or intuition. When fear speaks, I hear it in my head. Being aware of this, I ask questions such as, “what does this mean, what am I afraid of?” and “what is the best and worst thing that could happen and why?”. Focusing on the best outcome fills me with hope and allows me to be grateful for an opportunity to take action rather than being scared into inaction.
When intuition speaks, I feel the words in my heart center. Before going to bed, I asked for help in making the right decision for my family. I awoke and heard the word “priorities” coming from my heart. I lost sight of my priorities and I couldn’t see it until I asked! The peace I felt in that moment was so profound and led me where to listen for my answers. My second experience came when I was questioning if I made the right decision about my career change. Again, my answer came in the middle of the night with the word “believe”. I knew my healing had begun!
The process is simple however we need to listen for the answers. Practicing gratitude opens these lines of communication because we aren’t seeking gratification, we are looking for the answers that are already in us.
Gratitude is so much more than the simple list it appears to be. It empowers us to live a positive life stemming from love rather than fear. Focusing on having enough and on being enough steers us down the path we are meant to discover, flowing with the Universe rather than against it. Consider starting a gratitude practice and experience all the miracles it has to offer!
