“Open minds lead to open doors.” — Unknown
One constant in life is change: seasons change, our jobs change, our relationships change, and circumstances will always change. If we know change is inevitable, then why do we get so bruised up and bent out of shape when it happens? Over the years I’ve learned to look at situations with a little more ease and perspective. I’ve realized that change isn’t something to be feared but rather revered. The best opportunities in my life have been direct results of changes. From the outside, some changes could have felt brutal, such as layoffs, illness, car accidents, etc. Each change in my life has had a specific role in helping me peel back the layers to see the bigger picture. Nothing happens in life that doesn’t help us grow and connect more closely with our true selves.
If we spend our time worrying about every outcome, life cannot flow or happen to us. When we seek to control, grasp, and manipulate situations, we essentially hide from our true purpose and connection to ourselves. If our desire in life is to play and relax into fun, then we must learn to let go and embrace every change. When we are consumed with worry and fear about situations, we hold ourselves back from reaching our full potential.
However, saying it is as easy as “letting go” and actually letting go are two different monsters.
Some years ago, I called home a giant timber brick loft three blocks south of the mighty Sears tower in Chicago, Illinois. Although I grew up on the west coast I thought it suited me to venture out into the great wide-open America and nab a good job. I lived in five cities over a period of three years, and that didn’t at all seem odd to me. I worked at one of the most well-known and respected international advertising agencies in the world. I had a man who wanted to marry me and a giant paycheck that I had no idea what to do with. I would go on spending sprees or drinking binges, always using substances to unknowingly disappear behind. I was a mess. I refused to admit that I was depressed. Crying hysterically to sleep every night should have been a red flag, but like all the others, I just skipped over it in pursuit of happiness in denial. In every relationship, every city, every job I took, something was always missing. I would tell myself this is what I want; I need to work at a big advertising firm, but when I got the position, it felt shallow, empty, and wrong.
Life will always throw us curve balls, and it is up to us to play ball. We have an opportunity at every moment to flip things around. If things are not going the way you’d like them to, then choose your thoughts wisely and switch it around.
I was beyond miserable in Chicago. What I didn’t realize then was that I was manipulating my life to be something I “thought” I wanted, but my true self, the authentic me, knew that none of that mattered. I remember coming home one night, so overwhelmed with tears of rage that I was debilitated. I was cold and shaking and I knew that the hard tile floor could no longer be a source of comfort. As I started to choke on tears of fear, anger and resentment, I did something radically different for me. I let go of the expectation that my life was supposed to be anything more than it was. Suddenly, a shift took over my body as I started to laugh. Pleasure could pop through the pain. It was in that moment that I realized that I was holding on so desperately tight to my life, controlling every last minute detail, that there was no room for organic growth or real fun to come in.
Letting go of expectations is the single most important thing we can do for our well-being. When I let go of expecting my life to turn out a specific way, I was able to release the pressure and relax into the rhythm of life. This, in turn, became the tipping point for my life to unfold naturally the way it was designed.
After my midnight meltdown, I took stock of my life and started to see things the way they were, not the way I had “hoped” they would be. The dingy rose-colored glasses were off and I was becoming the person I authentically wanted to be.
Life is supposed to flow and be natural. It is not designed to be an uphill hike every day of our lives. We aren’t supposed to struggle 365 days of the year. The universe wants to give us all the things we desire but we need to do our part and let go.
©2013. Shannon Kaiser. The above is an excerpt from Find Your Happy: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest.
