Stress and anxiety are so common that we simply do not believe it’s possible to be an “unflustered” mom these days. Sometimes it’s even worn as a badge of honor; the exhaustion, the lack of time and space for yourself. Even when moms take a break, it’s seen as luxurious and often comes with loads of guilt. This is not okay.
Moms not only deserve an “unflustered” life, they can be better mothers, better partners, and better bosses when they learn and utilize effective self-care strategies. But, not all self-care is created equal. The five anxiety styles is a novel framework for uncovering what strategies are most effective. When moms can identify their emotional triggers, they spend less time feeling frustrated and anxious. When moms implement an effective emotional support plan, they can recover more easily from setbacks at work or home. When moms acknowledge and celebrate their innate gifts, they can feel more content and confident. And when moms understand their anxiety style, they can better communicate their needs to those they care about most.
The five anxiety styles framework allows moms to understand their core drivers, the most common emotional triggers, and the preventative strategies that are most likely to reduce stress and anxiety in their daily lives. Understanding the Lover, Fighter, Dynamo, Executive and Visionary anxiety styles can equip moms with the knowledge and tools they need to feel more calm, confident and connected.
The Lover Mom
Lover moms value their relationships with friends and loved ones above almost all else. They deeply seek to feel loved, wanted, and liked by others. Their superhero gifts include loyalty, sensitivity, compassion, and dependability. Lovers tend to have unique patterns in relationships; either becoming highly emotionally dependent on one or more individuals or keeping people at a distance for fear of loss or judgment. Their primary challenge in life is achieving a solid sense of self-love and self-acceptance so they can feel safe, secure, and happy. Learning how to feel worthy and lovable regardless of the actions or words of others is the key to becoming a thriving and unflustered Lover momma.
Emotional Self-Care Strategy for Lover Moms: The Nighttime Tip Jar. Each night before bed, write one trait or quality you appreciate about yourself. Keep these piling up in the jar, night after night. When you start to feel unwanted or unloved by others, dip into the jar and start reading! Have your children do this as well, and you’ll see them develop and expand their sense of inner self-worth.
The Fighter Mom
Fighter moms are survivors and often step up to act as protectors for those who cannot fight for themselves. Their superhero gifts include resilience, tenacity, action, and compassion. Fighters tend to be very comfortable in chaos, challenge, and change. However, this does not always serve them. Their primary challenge in life is moving from a baseline comfort zone of chaos and trauma into a comfort zone of health, wealth, love, and safety. Learning how to feel worthy and comfortable with a safe, healthy, abundant life is the key to becoming a thriving and unflustered Fighter mom.
Emotional Self-Care Strategy for Fighter Moms: Conscious Chaos. Ask yourself, what conflict or drama am I getting involved in with my kids or their schools, despite the fact that I’m exhausted and do not have the capacity to take on one more thing? Can I choose to skip this fight and give myself some ease and peace?
The Visionary Mom
Visionary moms are big dreamers with a deep sense of purpose and impact. They tend to be intuitive, motivated by large outcomes, and trust their gut in a way that many do not. Learning how to connect with those who are not forward, future-thinking individuals will serve Visionaries well – especially in terms of their relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. Visionary Moms who learn how to notice and enjoy the little moments along their motherhood journey can more easily become a thriving and unflustered momma.
Emotional Self-Care Strategy for Visionary Moms: Get Grounded. Spend three minutes, ideally after the kids go to bed grounding yourself. Take a bath, stand outside in your bare feet, or just close your eyes and breathe deeply for ten breaths. Becoming more mindful and in the moment can help ease tension and anxiety for Visionary moms.
The Executive Mom
Executive moms feel happiest and most content when they know what to expect and feel a sense of control over their environment and their future. They tend to be scheduled, prepared, trustworthy, organized, and extremely dependable. Executives’ primary challenge in life is feeling emotionally safe, regardless of what life might throw at them. Learning how to feel confident and trust that they and their loved ones are safe and cared for is key to becoming a thriving and unflustered Executive mom.
Emotional Self-Care Strategy for Executive Moms: Silly and New. Every week, spend 20-30 minutes trying something new, something you’re not good at. Preferably, try something physical and fun like roller skating, line dancing, or drawing cartoon figures. This one is powerful because if you do it with the kids, they’ll see a totally different side of you. Letting go of control and taking time to enjoy yourself doing something that isn’t directly related to the health or safety of loved ones can be powerful self-care for Executive moms.
The Dynamo Mom
Dynamo moms are very comfortable and accustomed to running a million miles an hour. Because of this, they tend to be very accomplished, motivated, and organized, and function well in a competitive, high-achieving environment. Feelings of self-worth and happiness are often associated with managing the kid’s school work, social plans, and future goals. Their primary challenge in life is slowing down so they can truly acknowledge, appreciate, and enjoy the fruits of their labor. Learning how to tune in to the present moment more often is the key to becoming a thriving and unflustered Dynamo momma.
Emotional Self-Care Strategy for Dynamo Moms: Shower Mindfulness. Take a mindfulness shower. Notice the feeling of the water on your toes, the sound of the pitter-patter of droplets, and the smell of the conditioner to tune in to the present moment more powerfully. Lock the door and/or let the kids know that you will be unavailable for the next 15 minutes – interruptions only allowed for vomiting or profuse bleeding. Spending time shifting your attention from your mind and the future to your body and the present moment can serve to reduce feelings of stress and anxiety for Dynamo mommas.
When mothers better understand their triggers and emotional needs, they’re far more likely to communicate and fulfill those needs. When moms are more emotionally resilient, they are more likely to make good decisions, focus better, feel better, sleep better, and raise more emotionally resilient children. Every mom deserves to thrive.
