Is it possible to live fearlessly?
My mentor Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was very fierce with us when it came to feelings. In fact, she only allowed five: love, joy, grief, anger, and fear. But only fear of heights, fast motions, and loud noises. She taught us that our true selves are fearless, bold and passionate.
How can I find my fearless self?
We can find our fearless selves by being true to our dreams and visions.
Fear of failure is not a true fear, but it stops many women from being true to their dreams and from manifesting their visions. Fear of doing something, especially something new or risky, is really fear of failing. It hurts to fail and we want to avoid that pain. But that pain is not real; it is imagined, that is, it has not yet happened, and we don’t know for sure that it will happen. We are afraid that it might happen, that we might get hurt, that we might look silly or stupid, or lose face.
Give your fearless self some room.
Fear of being seen as stupid is not a true fear, but it stops many, many women from turning their dreams into reality. Concern about how others will view us is no more real than our fear of possible future pain. We have very little control, in fact, over other’s views of us. It is our own reflection upon ourself that holds the greatest judgment, the greatest blame. When we change our self-talk, when we support the parts of ourself that are willing to take risks and willing to look silly, our fearless self comes to the forefront. When self-talk is relentless and nasty, I suggest getting a book in which you write down those self-abasing and self-demeaning statements. You may read the book whenever you like. But you may never again think anything you have written in your book. The fearless self gladly occupies the space that those ideas had been taking in your mind, and you begin to have fearless thoughts, which inevitably lead to fearless actions.
Separate reality from fantasy, fearlessly.
The fearless self partakes of “beginner’s mind,” which opens us to possibilities and sets us free from conventional restraints. But we need a kite string to keep us connected to earth. A dream needs hands and feet as well as wings. There are many things I enjoy fantasizing about that I would never actually want to do. The fearless self is not afraid of hard work, but it doesn’t want to die or be maimed. What actual physical tasks will be involved in manifesting your vision? Can you endure them? There are many repetitious and distasteful chores in life, no matter how we choose to live. The fearless self may play the fool, but it is not truly foolish. The fearless self stands ready to abandon all and anything when drugs and alcohol, violence and aggression are daily events. Escaping alive from some situations is precious. But most of us cower more from our own imagined fear than from actual threats to our existence.
Imagine the consequences, fearlessly.
What is really at stake? Few dreams overturn one’s life. Most visions come out of our ordinary existence. Even if yours will change your life, even if your dream is to colonize Mars or to change your gender identity, what do you have to lose? Envisioning the possible consequences helps to ground our dreams and put legs on our visions. When we are living our vision, there are few outcomes that seriously challenge our fearless self. Take a moment to ask yourself: “What is the worst that could happen?” And reflect upon whether that worst is so terrible that avoiding it is worth living in fear. “Where is fear limiting my life? Where is fear limiting my joy?” Bring your fearless self forward and let her challenge you to live more fully.
Embody fearlessness.
Get physical. Stand tall. Learn tai chi, chi kung, aikido, karate, a martial art. Have an Alexander session. Go for a massage. Get into your body. Embody fearlessness. Stand on firm ground. Look at life with keen sight. Sniff the air. Take your time. Turn off the television.
You are a brilliant being who strides forth into life with fearless passion and bold magic. So mote it be.
