When I was in my mid-twenties, I found myself surrounded by proponents of affirmations. Smiling, happy people promised me that I could create anything I wanted just by practicing positive thinking.
Desperately wanting to believe that was true, “fake it till you make it” became my mantra. I spent hours repeating the affirmations that were taped to my mirror.
With every repetition, I tried to convince myself that I was loveable, joyful and beautiful. But, deep inside I felt as unlovable, unhappy and ugly as ever. And when I didn’t manifest most of the things I wanted, I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I make these affirmations work?
The affirmations seemed to be taking me further away from joy, but I wouldn’t understand why until years later.
When Affirmations Feel Inauthentic
When we affirm things that we already honestly feel or believe, then affirmations can be a great way to strengthen that energy within us. But when we don’t believe what we’re saying, affirmations actually create resistance and feelings of failure in our subconscious mind.
And, worst of all, affirmations are often used to deny or suppress our authentic feelings when these feelings are judged as anything less than “positive.”
This repression of our very real and natural reactions to life puts a wedge between our authentic self and who we are in the world.
Plus, when we deny our emotions, they don’t just go away. These unprocessed emotions go underground where they actually gain more power in our lives and create subconscious blocks.
As I moved past the toxic positivity embedded in my affirmation practice, I began a healing journey that would take me to deep experiences of true contentment and wholeness beyond what I ever could have imagined. And all of my healing has revolved around learning to truly love and accept my authentic self, which is the exact opposite of the repressing and pretending I was doing with affirmations.
The Healing Power of Iffirmations
Iffirmations are similar to affirmations, but instead of using concrete statements, you put “what if” in front of those statements.
This simple change automatically takes your subconscious from a response of resistance to a response of creative problem solving and expansiveness.
Asking questions naturally stimulates curiosity and possibility. Because of an autonomic phenomenon called instinctive elaboration, your brain can’t help but focus its resources on contemplating the answer when a question is asked. Iffirmations prime your subconscious mind to look for answers and neurologically open you to new possibilities.
The other thing I love about iffirmations is that they feel authentic. They don’t require you to pretend you’re feeling a certain way or deny your honest emotions at any given moment. Iffirmations allow for acceptance and compassion of your present time reality while still opening you up to greater possibilities. This is the sweet spot for healing and expansion.
Try Iffirmations for Yourself
Will iffirmations work for you? Tune into your body and try this quick exercise.
Say these affirmations and feel how your body responds to each one:
“I am calm and centered.”
“I love who I am.”
“I deserve joy.”
“I am aligned with my highest good.”
Now say these iffirmations and feel the response in your body:
“What if I am calm and centered?”
“What if I love who I am?”
“What if I deserve joy?”
“What if I’m aligned with my highest good?”
How does your body respond differently to the “what ifs”? Can you feel the possibility and potential?
Iffirmations for Emotional Healing
In addition to creating expansiveness in life, I also regularly use iffirmations to create more compassion. When I’m working with a client who is really struggling, I often use
iffirmations like:
“What if it’s okay to feel this way right now?”
“What if everyone struggles like this sometimes?”
“What if I’m not broken?”
“What if there’s nothing wrong with me?”
“What if I’m already handling this better than I’m giving myself credit for?”
This compassionate acceptance of our negative feelings and struggles often feels like a huge relief. And, the honest acceptance of ourselves and our difficulties is the foundation for moving beyond our struggles in an integrated and graceful way.
It’s counterintuitive, but forcing ourselves to be “positive” is actually a really negative experience deep down. And saying things that don’t feel true doesn’t make them more true, it just makes us better at denying our own authenticity.
But, what if there’s a better way?
What if you can compassionately honor your feelings and expand what’s possible for you at the same time?
What if you can move forward with greater authenticity and grace than ever before?
What if so much more is possible for you on your healing journey?
Iffirmations have made a huge difference in my life and I hope they make a difference in yours, too!
