Brainy. Black sheep. Outcast. Needy. Questioner. Troublemaker. New girl. Shy. These were all labels assigned to me by others at some point in my life. Most of them weren’t flattering or were outright false and, if truth be told, weren’t ones that served me by accepting them. Which got me to thinking about labels: those assigned to us and others we adopted.
I wear labels based upon fact: mom, daughter, sister, aunt, college graduate, ex-wife. I’ve labeled myself as a friend, traveler, bibliophile, art lover, philanthropist, among others. Chosen labels feel aligned with who I really am. Even so, I’m much more than the labels I wear.
The real problem with labels is, while they can show someone—even ourselves—a glimmer of who we are, they can’t show the whole picture. Labels that are damaging to our self-worth often live subcutaneously as if on the dark web, doing as much damage as a hacker does to a secure site.
According to Psychology Today, a 1930s linguist Benjamin Whorf hypothesized that “the words we use to describe what we see aren’t just idle placeholders—they actually determine what we see.” Ouch. So our words really do matter because they shape our perception.
If you consider Univeral Laws, what we think about we bring about. If I believe the label that I’m bitchy, then I’ll act differently than if I reframe that thought to, “I was feeling cranky at that moment.” In the former case, I am assigned a trait based on my behavior; in the latter, I’m accountable for my feelings.
Here’s a truth: labels divide us. Even the labels we’ve chosen for ourselves. Additionally, labeling reduces our ability to show empathy. For example, when we label someone as a “strong-willed troublemaker,” it may be difficult to empathize and realize she’s simply feeling frustrated.
In today’s particularly divisive environment, using labels allows us to separate ourselves from those who are different than us. We can put others in a box simply by assigning a label. Straight. Gay. Transgender. Male. Female. White. Black. Single. Married. Divorced. Christian. Muslim. Jewish. Republican. Democrat. The labels are endless.
Labeling children can be particularly damaging or toxic, particularly because we use behaviors and traits as a basis for labels. Sensitive. Pretty. Smart. Slow. Hyper. Athletic. Artistic. Musical. Loner. Anti-social. Weird. Talented. Funny.
Think about some of the labels you’ve been assigned. Who gave them to you? When were they chosen? Do they accurately reflect who you are today? Do you want the labels? More importantly, how would it feel to reject the labels you no longer want? Intriguing, right?
Pull out your journal and take some time to reflect on how labels have impacted your life. Do so without judgment. Remain curious and empathetic as you do this work.
Journal Prompts:
- In your journal, list the labels that you’ve been given or have given to yourself. Reflect on each one. Which do you feel good about? Which ones don’t align with your true self?
- Consider each label, without labeling—haha—it “good” or “bad.” What would it feel like to lose or reframe it? How would your identity be altered?
- Where have you given labels to others when focusing on their behaviors might have produced a different outcome?
- When is labeling okay? What labels are considered verboten?
- Select one of the hurtful labels given to you. How old were you when you received it? Where were you? Write a letter to your younger self and reframe the situation, removing the label and forgiving the person who gave it to you.
As you move forward, pay attention to the words you use when speaking to or about others. Be mindful of the ways are you may be unintentionally labeling people. Amp up your empathy and focus on behaviors. See what difference this brings to your life and the lives of those you love.
