You Deserve to Put Yourself at the Front of the Line

The most important relationship in this lifetime is the one that we create, nurture and experience with ourselves. We can be the best wives, mothers, friends, employees, volunteers and entrepreneurs when we put ourselves at the front of the line. With that being said, far too many women believe that we are here to serve others and in doing so, often abandon ourselves. We may think our own needs don’t need to be met because we are unworthy or believe there is no time to care for ourselves. Perhaps our mothers and grandmothers modeled a behavior where self-care may as well have been a foreign language.

Do you ever catch yourself saying one day I will take a yoga class, or one day I will learn to paint, or one day I will book a massage? Pay attention to your ‘one day’ and ‘if only I had time’ comments. These are telltale signs of how you can best care for yourself.

Your body wants to move and play. Your spirit craves spaciousness and adventure. Your mind loves to imagine. If you are not paying attention, the universe may hit you over the head with a cosmic two by four if you stifle your needs or halt moving forward with your ‘one day’ dreams and interests. There is no time to wait. There is no guarantee that one day will happen.

Self-awareness is the first step to claim what you really want and need; not what your children, employer or partners need. Self-awareness is about claiming your voice and stepping into your power as a worthy recipient of the life you wish to create for yourself.

When our mind, body and soul are out of alignment, we can often feel tired, sick, sluggish, board and even depressed. We can even learn to accept suffering and negative self talk as a normal way of living. ‘I could never afford to…’ ’I guess this is good enough’ or ‘ I’ll do something for myself in the future.’ This line of thinking is not acceptable. If any of this resonates with you, please understand that you deserve better.

Thankfully, there is a shift happening. Women are in the throes of discovering their true voice and feminine power. This is an exciting time to claim and embody our feminine sovereignty. Perhaps the very first time to get to know ourselves.  One of the reasons I love to write for Aspire and blog at Transformation Goddess is to share transformational stories of women who have learned to walk in beauty with the strength and courage of claiming their feminine sovereignty. Often an a-ha moment of awareness is preceded by a significant obstacle, challenge or dark night of the soul. This is where the courage piece comes in. This was the case for me and for many of the women I mentor and interview for the Divine Feminine Spotlight series.  The common thread for each of us is that the obstacles we face open the door to significant conscious break throughs. As soon as we face our fears and get clear about what we really want, we can inspect our relationship to Self and determine how we’d like to foster a healthier connection in the days to come.

Through self-awareness we discover magical treasures. I’ve learned that I love to paint, belly dance and capture images with my camera. I’ve learned to say no, and I’ve also learned that it’s okay to say nothing. My ego no longer has anything to prove. I’ve learned that joyfulness and peacefulness are what I wish to experience.

Do you know yourself? Do you remember what you love? Do you know what makes you feel electric joy?

Being mindful of our internal self-talk is one of the most effective ways to improve compassionate self-care. How are you talking to yourself?  What are the inner critics, tyrants and gremlins saying to you? Are you listening? Are you talking back?

Often when I meet with new clients, negative or self deprecating language is the first thing I notice in their communication style. Our first exercise is monitoring self-talk which helps them take note of how many times they degrade themselves, are mean to themselves, along with how many times they say things like; ‘I’m such an idiot’, or ‘I’m so stupid’, or ‘I’m too fat’, etc. The exciting part of this exercise is that as soon as you start to bust yourself making these negative statements you will become more mindful of the pattern and call it as such when you hear your inner tyrant flare up.  You can improve the way that you care for yourself when you choose to edit and nullify unconscious inner commentary.

As an added bonus you can assist your friends, family and children with the same exercise. If you have a loved one who is being really hard on herself, you can teach her that these harsh thoughts are not the truth. The truth is that we are human. We are perfect just as we are and that we are loved no matter what. Certainly we can say things we regret. We have all made mistakes and will continue to make them. Even on the days that we make our most destructive choices, we are still a sacred and holy being.

Self-awareness and supportive self-talk are part of compassionate self-care. As a loving self-care guide, I enjoy showing women how they can put themselves at the front of the line before everyone and everything else. Self-care is often confused with being selfish. One of my dreams is to break this chain of unsupportive misinformation. Not caring for ourselves doesn’t serve anyone. We need to laugh and dance and sing. We deserve to enjoy healthy food, supportive friendships and careers that we enjoy. Today we can start a new self-care routine and pay it forward by showing our daughters, sisters and friends how they can better care for themselves.

You can easily add self-care into your life today. Your first step is to include one compassionate action each day. This way there’s no need to feel overwhelmed about not having time for yourself. Your one thing doesn’t have to be monumental. You might choose a short walk, make time for a bath or drink an extra glass of water. Self-care can begin to take hold when you understand that no matter what you’ve learned (or think you know) up until this moment, you are worthy of so much more. Give yourself permission to RECEIVE.

Quick Transformational Tips To Help You Put Yourself at The Front of The Line:

I invite you to take a deep breath and exhale before each exercise.

1. Ask your Higher Self the question, what does my mind, body and soul want me to know right now? You may wish to journal your answer or simply sit with what comes up for you. If nothing comes up for you now, sit with this question for as long as you need to and the answer will eventually bubble up to the surface.

2. Take note of your self-talk for the next 24 hours. Monitor the tyrants in your head and catch yourself when negative comments or harsh judgments plow through your mind.  All you have to do is notice these unconscious patterns of dialogue and remember that these statements are not true and most likely don’t belong to you. I find it helpful to ask “who is that speaking or where did that thought come from?” I can often can trace the negative thread to an unsupportive person, cruel comment from childhood or something I heard a parent say.

3. Identify the top three personal self-care experiences you desire. They might be as simple as a haircut, lunch with a friend, or a day at the beach. Now schedule at least one activity within the next week and the rest before the end of the August. You can make self-care a priority by scheduling your self-care activities on your calendar BEFORE everything else! I’ve been doing this for years and it really makes a difference.

The most important relationship we experience in this lifetime is the one that we nurture with ourselves. Take action now and receive the gift of intuitive self-awareness, positive self-talk and compassionate self-care. Know that you are loved and worthy of compassionate self-care.