Not having much mind-blowing sex lately, huh?
I hear it’s going around!
Really good people, with good intentions, are hanging out together in a NICE relationship….great parents, good roommates even….but the hot steamy ravishing and satisfying sex is not happening anymore.
Maybe you tell yourself “I don’t need that”, “that’s not really important” or “I can live without it”….and you stay in a passion-less relationship for the good of the family.
I understand….Paul and I used to really struggle to have a passionate love life!
I know it may be difficult to believe that, since today we can barely keep our hands off of each other and regularly find ourselves having to “dial down” the lust and desire we have for each other when other people are around.
But it wasn’t always like this. Actually, we had it WORSE than most…we didn’t have that hot steamy sexual beginning that so many couples have. We were best friends for 3 years before we started dating …so we never had that electric, hot, butterflies start to our dating relationship. And I didn’t think I “needed” that.
Of course, back then I was fooling myself about a lot of other things in my life too!
PASSION is the Life-Force of your relationship!
Without it, your relationship is dying!
Here’s the really ironic part…
The lack of hot sex in your relationship is not the problem,
it’s the SYMPTOM that shows up as a result of the real problem!
Unfortunately, many people get stuck focusing their attention on the symptoms in the relationship (lack of passion, arguing, distance, hurt, disappointment) and the CAUSES of these symptoms never get handled to turn things around.
It’s oh so enticing to focus on the symptom…but until you handle the cause,
your relationship can’t change!
Let me explain…
Imagine that you walk into a room in your home on a 25-degree day and find a window open. It feels really freezing cold in that room from the window being open. Solution? You could bring in a space heater to provide extra heat to that room. Sound ridiculous?
Focusing on the lack of hot SEX (symptom) as the problem in your relationship is like focusing on how cold it is in that room, instead of focusing on the OPEN window causing the cold….and closing that window!
That’s why I often say…
Sex problems are RARELY sex problems!
If your sex life is not what you want it to be, the actual “problem” is rarely a sex problem.
Paul and I created the Relationship Transformation System®, our 8-step system designed to empower you to transform your relationship, create your unshakable love and unleashed passion, all in a way that you can transform your relationship without needing your partner to participate in the process for you to get the results you want in your relationship.
Sensuality (sex) is Step Eight of our eight step system. It’s last.
WHY?
Because, for a woman, the gateway to ravishing intimacy and satisfying sex is vulnerability!
If you are not experiencing unleashed passion in your relationship right now, it’s partly because you are not willing to be as vulnerable as is required to reach that level of passion with your man.
The kind of unleashed passion I’m talking about is not “nice, lovemaking”; it’s intense, electric, exciting, driven by desire, ravishing, satisfying sex! The kind of sex where your man “takes you” over and over again, going to new levels of ecstasy, intensity and experience that you never knew was possible. This kind of unleashed passion requires a high level of trust and vulnerability with your man. Can you feel that?
Trusting that he has your best interest at heart, completely surrendering to him so you can experience the heights of intense passion that come from letting go of it all, releasing control, getting out of your brain, and allowing yourself to receive pleasure you can’t even prepare yourself for…that’s vulnerability!
And if you want that unleashed passion…you must be willing to embrace the vulnerability that is required to have that with the man you love!
And that doesn’t START in the bedroom.
I often say “If you can’t surrender to your man outside the bedroom, you will not be surrendering to him INSIDE the bedroom.”
On a 0-10 scale, 10 being totally surrendering to my husband as he leads me and 0 being – totally controlling and driving everything myself, where are you “day to day” with your husband in real life.
Do you trust your husband to LEAD you with YOUR best interests in his heart? Do you allow him to take the burden of carrying the load for you, taking care of things and leading the way… knowing that he is not acting in HIS best interest, but in YOURS?
What I just described will make a lot of women UNCOMFORTABLE.
I get it. It’s not COMMON.
And yet, deep down, all women have a need to RELEASE. To surrender to their man and have him LEAD so they can just BE and be taken care of.
This is NOT something that is just handed to you in relationship. This does not just happen because you fell in love or found the “right guy”. This level of surrender and leading is CREATED, with intention. And it is SO worth it.
Many women make ONE giant mistake around this topic. They falsely believe that achieving this in relationship is HIS responsibility. WRONG! Men are actually wired to serve, protect, provide and lead.
There are three ways that a woman has responsibility for cultivating a relationship of surrender and lead.
ONE:
Allow him to lead.
Stop criticizing, correcting, directing, controlling and all the other things you do to block him. If you continually block him, eventually a man will stop trying to serve you.
TWO
Men serve naturally and organically.
However, serving for your best interest, that is a skill set that a man needs to learn. And you must be willing to be his trainer, without demanding, judgment, criticism or negativity.
Meaning, you must be willing to openly teach him how he can make you happy. And be willing to accept what he offers without backlash as he works towards understanding you.
This is where most relationships break down.
Women get disappointed and hurt as their man is on the learning curve of understanding them. The negative feedback blocks his progress. And women often judge a man’s lack of understanding of her and take it personally. When in reality, men and women are so different.
Understanding you is going to take a lot of time and training for him.
Your man does not have a Hollywood script in his back pocket. This is real life. And he will need to learn you over time.
THREE
Operate from your feminine and not your masculine.
If a woman is operating from her masculine, protecting, directing, controlling, closed, pushing, driving, then a man cannot lead her and she cannot surrender.
Only a woman in her open and vulnerable feminine energy can allow a man to lead so she can surrender.
This is why I say, “a sex problem is rarely a sex problem”.
Because learning how to respond to your man instead of react to reward his progress requires mastering your state and triggers (step 1).
And learning how to appreciate how different your man is from you and help him learn you takes work (step 3) and is not fixed by sex.
And the journey back to your feminine energy and allowing yourself to drop your masculine operating system of protection is a journey all on its own (step 6) and is not solved by sex.
That’s what the first 7 steps of the Relationship Transformation System® are designed to do!
Because reaching the level of trust and vulnerability that is required to unleash your passion together requires that you…
STEP ONE
Get clear on your vision for your relationship and master your state
STEP TWO
Shift your perspective to gain heartfelt understanding, so you can get unstuck
STEP THREE
Learn the strategies that will help you understand your partner like never before
STEP FOUR
Discover how to implement a newfound synergy to your relationship so that you act as a TEAM and stop keeping score
STEP FIVE
Start Anew by wiping the slate clean…entirely
STEP SIX
Reclaim your empowered, open feminine energy and bring out his mature masculine energy to bring real passion back into your relationship
STEP SEVEN
Find out how you can start “dating” your partner again so you can keep the energy going
STEP EIGHT
and THEN, you will be able to experience the level of trust you need and reach the level of vulnerability required to learn how to bring the sensuality back in your relationship and give it a much-needed boost of energy and lust.
If you are not yet experiencing the unleashed passion you desire…most likely the source of your challenges is in Steps 1 – 7…it’s not a ‘sex’ problem!
Lack of hot sex is a symptom…the cause is in Steps 1-7!
When you master these 8 relationship transformation essentials, sooner than you think, you will be asking your partner, “Remind me again why we ever do anything else other than have sex!?”
If you would like our help in implementing the 8-steps of our Relationship Transformation System, check out our complimentary 2-hour live web class, How to Get Unshakable Love & Unleashed Passion in Your Relationship… (Even If Your Partner REFUSES to Change!
