For almost my entire life, I was a massive worry wart.
I worried almost constantly about, well, everything.
I had an incessant, yammering voice in my head pontificating about pretty much anything and everything that could go wrong. Coupled with either the low-grade feeling of anxiety I nearly always felt – or the amped up, full-power anxiety I felt when things actually were heading south in a big way – what was going on in my head was a hot mess.
For years, I did my best to control and subdue that voice, but to no avail. When I finally cracked in 2012 from all those years of worrying and anxiety and beating myself up and everything else going on, in a way, it was almost a relief.
One of my coaches once asked me what the payoff was for my worrying. I couldn’t think of a thing. I hated the sick feeling I got when I worried. Why on earth would I choose to feel that way?
Well, now that I’ve “broken the back” of my worrying habit, I’ve been able to look back and see that yes, indeed, my worry and anxiety definitely did have a payoff.
It was self-soothing. (Crazy, I know.) It also covered up other emotions I didn’t want to feel, like anger and grief. Apparently, I would rather feel anxiety than pretty much any other emotion, especially anger or grief.
I also used to use my worrying as a talisman. Since so few things I worried about actually came true, I almost felt like I HAD to worry about the bad things in order to keep them from happening. (As a side note, this part of my worrying habit was also the most difficult part for me to break.)
This “worrying as a talisman” thing led to a another interesting observation as well: when something bad happened out of the blue, I would actually feel guilty if I hadn’t worried about it, because I thought if I had, it may not have happened at all. How’s THAT for backwards?
I bring this up because if there’s one emotion I have a great deal of knowledge about, it’s fear. And, I can tell you with 100% certainty that my worry, anxiety and fear absolutely got in the way of my attracting more money.
No matter where you are right now, no matter how broke or stuck you are, working on your mindset around money is key to turning your money situation around. (Yes, even if you’re feeling like you have “real” money problems and all this mindset stuff is well and good for people who aren’t struggling as much as you are. I’m talking to you!)
This is the same thinking that caused the mess and noise in my head to get louder and more chaotic.
Plus, the more money I made, the messier my head became.
And, the more frantic the noise in my head got, the more frantic my external actions became … and the less I was able to hear either the voice of my inner wisdom/intuition, or the voice of Source/The Divine/God.
So, when I was feeling stressed about money, it would typically look something like this:
* Worry: It felt so frantic. The thoughts were constantly spinning. What could I do to make more money? Are there any prospects I could call? Should I run a sale? Something else?
* Activity: This would be followed by a flurry of action on my part. Whatever I could do to solve the problem, I’d do it (which, in retrospect, was mostly pretty useless).
* Searching: Because I couldn’t hear either Source/God or my own inner wisdom, I was constantly looking outside of myself for answers – asking other experts, buying products and programs, etc. Which, in and of itself wasn’t the problem; I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t invested in myself and my education as an entrepreneur. But I was over-relying on other people’s expertise and advice, instead of valuing my own. In turn, I made a lot of mistakes and wasted a lot of money doing things that were not necessarily a good match for me and my business. (As my good friend Andrea J. Lee says, “You spend all this time getting your ducks in a row, only to find out they’re not your ducks.”)
* Exhaustion: This was a given. At some point, I would exhaust myself by uselessly spinning my wheels, and then I’d completely check out. I’d find myself either messing around on Facebook or reading ESPN. (Go Packers!)
* Stagnation: Often, the work I really ought to have been doing to move my business in the direction I wanted it to go – like write a blog post or record a video or work on my next book – wouldn’t get done. (Actually, any sort of long-term strategy or project in what Stephen Covey used to call the “Important but Not Urgent” category would go untouched.)
At the time this was happening, I was working on what I called my inner game, which was basically my mindset. But (and this is an important “but,”) I was only focusing on the mindset strategies that revolved around making money.
If a strategy didn’t directly lead to attracting more money, I wouldn’t do it. Even if I thought it sounded interesting and wanted to try it, I would tell myself I’d do it later, when I was “finally making enough money to relax.”
(This of course never happened, because I wasn’t doing any mindset work that would allow me to relax.)
So, what DID end up happening? Well, I did make more money. I broke six figures and then made multiple six figures, and I was able to sustain it.
BUT, ironically, the more money I made, the more anxious and worried I felt.
Think of it this way:
If you’re a runner and you only work out your legs, will you become a better runner? Probably. Will you be healthier and in better shape?
Ummm …. probably not. (Have you seen runners who ignore their upper body? It’s not really that attractive or healthy-looking.)
This is why it’s SO important to work on your entire mindset – not just on the money-attraction exercises.
Not because they don’t work – I can tell you firsthand they DO – but if you’re stuck in fear and scarcity, there’s a price to pay.
And that price is your peace of mind.
