As we do the work of exposing our unconscious commitments, we gain the ability to see and tell ourselves the truth. We can step into a greater sense of worthiness—one that’s filled with compassion and gratitude for our child-self’s beliefs and commitments and commit to what we truly deserve as adults.
What’s an Underlying Commitment?
Underlying or unconscious or hidden commitments are the commitments we made to ourselves when we were very young as a result of the limiting beliefs we developed. We don’t know about them because they’re in the shadows of the unconscious, underlying our conscious knowledge.
When we get stuck in a pattern that we can’t seem to change no matter how hard we try, it’s almost certainly the result of an underlying commitment. We think we’re committed to one thing, but we’re actually committed to something else. For example, let’s say you think you’re committed to starting your own business. But your underlying commitment is actually to stay safe and small right where you are. So even while you make efforts to start your own business, some part of you is sabotaging those efforts and ensuring you fail.
Underlying commitments cause us to take actions that lead us away from the direction of our dreams. To get stuck in patterns that we can’t seem to change no matter how hard we try. To create results that are inconsistent with what we say we desire. But the truth is that we’re always getting what we’re actually committed to—our underlying, hidden commitments.
Let’s explore our example in more detail: Say you want to start your own business, but you grew up in a family that always struggled financially. So at a young age, you formed the belief that in order to fit into your family—and thus, stay safe—you would need to struggle with money as well. Because of that belief, you made a promise to yourself that you would avoid your finances in order to avoid pain. In fact, you spent years doing just that. You’ve been to seminars, you’ve practiced manifesting meditations, you’ve written abundance affirmations. You’ve even worked on discovering your limiting beliefs and your excuses. Maybe you’ve even gone so far as to finally start that business…only to have it crash and burn.
What’s going on?
Because you formed the belief that you’ll always struggle with money—and promised yourself that you’d avoid your finances—you’re creating a reality characterized by struggle. You’re actually committed to struggle and avoidance. Now, why would anyone stay committed to such a thing when it comes at such a high cost? Because to the little girl inside, it feels safe.
Remember, this commitment is unconscious and began when you were very young.
At the young age that our commitments were formed, they felt vital for our survival. They may not make sense to us as adults, but that doesn’t matter. They still have a hold deep down in our psyches.
In this situation, your inner child is accustomed to struggling with money. It’s what she knew growing up, so it’s comfortable. In her little mind, it’s the best! She doesn’t have to take the risk of owning a business or even learning how to live as someone with more money. She doesn’t have to stretch her self-worth to accommodate the kind of empowerment that greater wealth would bring. To that young girl inside, the underlying commitment to avoid her finances has a whole host of great benefits. To the adult you, though, that underlying commitment could be the bane of your existence.
Can you see the secret in all of this? We are always creating exactly the reality we’re most committed to having. It doesn’t matter what we say we want. If we don’t have the thing we desire, it’s because we’re more committed to our present state than we are to getting what we want. I know—yuck! I felt the same way when I first got this.
Our underlying commitments are our first and strongest commitments because they were formed when we were so young and vulnerable and impressionable.
What Do Underlying Commitments Sound Like?
To help you figure out your own underlying commitments, let’s look at what they often sound like compared to what we think we’re committed to. As you can see, your desire and your underlying commitment may not be directly related to one another!
“I think I’m committed to becoming a public speaker.”
Underlying commitment: “I’m committed to staying small so that I won’t be called stupid.”
“I think I want to start my own business.”
Underlying commitment: “I’m committed to controlling everything so I feel safe, and having my own business feels very out of control.”
“I think I’m committed to becoming an artist.”
Underlying commitment: “I’m committed to being an accountant because that’s what my father was, and he died when I was young. I’ll dishonor him if I do something else.”
Underlying Commitments As Identity
Sometimes, we identify with our underlying commitments to such a degree that they become a big part of who we believe we are. In order to let go of them, we might have to give up an identity we’ve carried our whole life—as someone who isn’t smart or worthy enough, perhaps.
We might have to defy the voice of a parent, who told us we’d never be successful. We might have to surpass our family’s circumstances—even if it makes them uncomfortable that we have money while they continue to struggle.
In this case, it takes special courage to risk going for what we really want. If you feel that the underlying commitments you discover are a part of your identity, stay aware that you may need to keep reminding yourself of you who want to be, not who you’ve always been.
Digging Deeper
Yes, it’s true that some underlying commitments can be more easily unearthed than others. And some of them can be disengaged quickly, while others take a lot of time and work. If you find that you have some difficult underlying commitments in there, you’re far from alone. Most of us have some big ones. Just keep digging. It’s just the work we have to do as human beings! The unconscious is filled with information for us to bring into awareness. It never ends, but our lives get better and better the farther we go.
Remember, if you find yourself getting stuck, don’t worry. You’re making progress! I find that part of my life is always about self-discovery. The more I learn about myself, the more my self-worth increases. And the more easily I can make better, more conscious choices for my life.
Allow the process to unfold as it does, and be patient. Every step forward is a positive one.
By exposing your unconscious commitments, you’re gaining the ability to see and tell yourself the truth. You can step into a greater sense of worthiness—one that says, “I feel compassion for my child self’s beliefs and commitments, but it’s time for me to commit to what I truly deserve. I am grateful her beliefs and commitments got me to where they have on my journey. However, they are no longer serving me and it is time to replace them with more new beliefs and commitments that serve me as an empowered adult.”
