Is self-love and honoring your journey your new superpower?
Oh, I think so.
Especially if you stand up and claim it.
Can joy and grief coexist?
You better believe it.
How do I know this? Because I have lived this way for the past fifteen years or so.
Years I spent trying to navigate an unimaginable, devastating loss.
One I was sure I would never heal from.
In 2004, my beautiful, precious son Sean, was suddenly called back to heaven.
I dropped him off at work in the morning, and by the afternoon he was gone. But, only physically, as I knew and know that his spirit, his essence, is very much vibrantly alive! And, as he dances across universes, he is also with me, and all those he loves. He can do this because the soul is unbounded!
He will never leave me, and your loved ones will never leave you.
But, oh how I screamed that day.
And, how hard I fought to keep my sanity.
Thank God I had my precious daughter to keep me anchored to the earth and my sanity.
However, I was sure I would never be happy again-Would never have joy for the rest of my days.
But, I did this one small thing- I put one foot in front of the other, even if I took ten steps back. Everyday, just one foot in front of the other, even if it was only one step. Or even, a tiny baby step.
I look back on those days, and I wonder at the fact that I survived the worst loss of all.
Well, I know it was the power of my soul, and the power of the souls of those who loved me-Both in the physical, and non-physical realm. Not to mention the deep love of a God who wants me and you, to thrive.
In the beginning, when I was trying to heal the devastation I felt,
I would do everything in honor of Sean.
Even getting up and getting dressed in the morning.
“This is for you honey” would be what I would say each and every time I needed to do something.
Then, much later, I would say to myself-I think I can do this in honor of myself today. ”
I knew my son was encouraging me to do this-I wasn’t leaving him behind but instead, I was learning to navigate my new world on my own soul power. A power that would need to sustain me in the years to come.
It was the very start of me learning to honor myself for all that I was enduring, and all of who I was becoming.
And, unbecoming.
It could not be helped at this time, to take a deep look at my life.
Were the people around me, the place I lived, the marriage I was in, the work I did- Was it supportive of me, of my heart and spirit?
Some of my life was so good, and some, not so much.
It’s not the easiest thing to admit to yourself the things that are not working in your life, and it takes courage to change it.
There are big risks in life, little ones, and then there are the absolutely necessary ones.
In my case, it was not only necessary to end my long-term marriage, but it was imperative for my peace of mind and wellbeing.
I didn’t know if I would be okay, but my soul did.
It was at that time that I had to admit to myself what I truly wanted in life-What I truly loved without auditing myself.
I decided that I would be the only judge of my life, and the desires I had for it.
It was the beginning of a new self love.
And as it turns out, I had a lot of unlearning to do.
Let me give you some examples of what that looked like-
I stopped measuring my self-worth with how much I could hustle, produce, create-Seemingly proving myself worthy of respect for how much I earned, and gave to the world.
It took me a long time to get over this, as I did not initially take the time to heal all that had come to pass in my life.
I was in survival mode for a good long time.
Let me tell you, when you let your body, mind and spirit heal, to rest and recover-What you give the world after you have filled your own well, is SO much better than what you give out when you are depleted!
Also, I started to put my needs first. Again, that took some doing.
Of course, this is so much easier when your children are grown.
For years, a woman with children has the love and also the wiring that ensures that her offspring survive.
But, when you hit menopause, a woman’s brain actually rewires itself to say and act in favor of “me, me, ME!”
It may feel and sound selfish to actually act on your on behalf, but believe me, it is a radical act of self love. It benefits everyone.
Some more unlearning I had to do was to not look outside myself for my own answers.
Our answers are inside ourselves, sitting there, like gold!
Honor your own innate wisdom and discernment.
Also, have you ever really held yourself in deep esteem, in a sustained way?
Maybe the answer is yes, and kudos to you! But perhaps, the answer is not so much.
Well, what if you were to begin a sacred practice of honoring yourself, and all that has come to pass in your life?
What if you begin the practice of saying no to the things that insult your soul?
I believe it is high time for me, for you, to be sovereign, and to be the queen of your own precious life!
